Part 8 - Going down the rabbit hole
What she told me about her work, trips, and the situation with her husband were not true. She was not new to the site and it was not the first time she has done this. I was still not clear of her motives, but she seems to enjoy making men fall for her and then move on, while having the security of a husband to go back to.
Well, her "work", as it turned out, was with a local SD who was in the financial field. It started at the beginning of that year when she used a different profile. The trips to NY and LA were with him and apparently he fell for her as well. When she contacted me her relationship with him was coming to an end unbeknown to him.
After our trip to Seattle she got in contact with another SD, and the Vegas trip was with him. After our trip to Chicago she made up the story about her husband finding out to get rid of me and moved on to the new SD. In the mean time her husband was probably still in the dark and having an affair of his own. Actually I kind of felt sorry for her poor husband if there really was one. Whoever she moved on with was in for a big surprise if the pattern continues.
I had found out a lot of this on my own, but the break through came when I met a pot SB and told her briefly about my heartbreaking story. To my surprise, she said she had met a pot SD who told her a very similar story!! It didn't take long before I put the pieces together and got in touch with the first SD, and we both decided to compare notes and went down the rabbit hole to see where it leads. Her first SD was a lot older than her, and apparently he was a lot more generous to her financially. Was she only with him for his money? Did I happen to be her Mr Big? Why did she ditch both of us and moved on to the third SD?
She played me like a fool and I didn't even know it at the time. Falling for her was clearly not a smart thing to do, but she seemed to enjoy the game of making men fall for her and then move on. Now that she has done this more than once, she knows with her beauty and charm she can seek out any man she wants and make him give her whatever she wants, emotionally and financially. And lots of men will gladly trip over each other to be with her without knowing what's coming.
The truth has set me free. Or has it? How will the experience affect me as a person and as a SD? How will it affect the way I approach my next sugar relationship?
Coming up, the conclusion... life goes on.
Sugardaddy Chronicles
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 7
Part 7 - What Really Happened?
The last email from her caught me completely off guard. I can't believe how someone so close to me just a few weeks ago could become so cold and heartless so quickly. I had more questions than answers. But instead of moving on, I was determined to go down the rabbit hole to find the pieces and figure out what might have really happened.
As I mentioned before, there were things she told me about herself and her work that didn't seem quite right. But I chose to ignore them and enjoyed our time together instead. Now I need to retrace the steps and see what warning signs I might have missed.
When I asked her about her work in the beginning, this was her response:
"I am looking for someone who is successful and can potentially travel with me. I do part-time consulting for an organization that holds seminars and conferences around the nation. For this reason I usually end up traveling at least once or twice a month. This aspect would make it easy for me to get away without my husband thinking twice about my reasons for being gone."
When I talked to her more about her work, she said the conferences are in the financial field and she works for an older couple that owns the business but mainly with the lady. She described her work as administrative and like a personal assistant to the older lady. She found this job at the beginning of the year and she traveled to NY and LA for work before she met me. When I asked about her travels she said she flies first class and stays at five star hotels. Sounds like a pretty good job! When I asked her if I can join her during one of her business trips, she said it's not a good idea because she spends a lot time with her boss at dinners and social functions. This is contrary to what she said about looking for someone who can travel with her. She continued to use her "work" as an excuse with her husband when she was meeting with me.
She also told me about a trip she took to Vegas a couple of weeks before we went to Chicago. It was supposed to be a fun trip with her girlfriends. She mentioned that she had won a jackpot and bought herself a very expensive watch with it. Lucky her! She showed me the watch and it was very nice.
When she first wrote to me I was surprised that she was very savvy about meeting people from the internet even though she said she was new to it. In fact she wrote to me the same day she created her profile. And yet she seemed to already know there are many scammers, flakes, and time wasters to sort through on that site.
After weeks of reflection, putting together the pieces, talking to other SD/SB's, and some old fashioned sleuth work, I think I have finally figured out what really happened. It actually feels liberating to finally know the truth, it's a way for me to find closure on my own and move on.
Coming up - Going down the rabbit hole
The last email from her caught me completely off guard. I can't believe how someone so close to me just a few weeks ago could become so cold and heartless so quickly. I had more questions than answers. But instead of moving on, I was determined to go down the rabbit hole to find the pieces and figure out what might have really happened.
As I mentioned before, there were things she told me about herself and her work that didn't seem quite right. But I chose to ignore them and enjoyed our time together instead. Now I need to retrace the steps and see what warning signs I might have missed.
When I asked her about her work in the beginning, this was her response:
"I am looking for someone who is successful and can potentially travel with me. I do part-time consulting for an organization that holds seminars and conferences around the nation. For this reason I usually end up traveling at least once or twice a month. This aspect would make it easy for me to get away without my husband thinking twice about my reasons for being gone."
When I talked to her more about her work, she said the conferences are in the financial field and she works for an older couple that owns the business but mainly with the lady. She described her work as administrative and like a personal assistant to the older lady. She found this job at the beginning of the year and she traveled to NY and LA for work before she met me. When I asked about her travels she said she flies first class and stays at five star hotels. Sounds like a pretty good job! When I asked her if I can join her during one of her business trips, she said it's not a good idea because she spends a lot time with her boss at dinners and social functions. This is contrary to what she said about looking for someone who can travel with her. She continued to use her "work" as an excuse with her husband when she was meeting with me.
She also told me about a trip she took to Vegas a couple of weeks before we went to Chicago. It was supposed to be a fun trip with her girlfriends. She mentioned that she had won a jackpot and bought herself a very expensive watch with it. Lucky her! She showed me the watch and it was very nice.
When she first wrote to me I was surprised that she was very savvy about meeting people from the internet even though she said she was new to it. In fact she wrote to me the same day she created her profile. And yet she seemed to already know there are many scammers, flakes, and time wasters to sort through on that site.
After weeks of reflection, putting together the pieces, talking to other SD/SB's, and some old fashioned sleuth work, I think I have finally figured out what really happened. It actually feels liberating to finally know the truth, it's a way for me to find closure on my own and move on.
Coming up - Going down the rabbit hole
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 6
Part 6 - What's wrong with this picture?
I read her letter many times and reflected on the great times we had. It was a thoughtful letter with lots of details and she clearly wanted to end things on good terms. I wrote back to her to express my disappointment and sadness, and to let her know that I respected her decision. But I didn't get a response from her which is not unexpected, even though she said she wants to hear back from me and stay in touch.
I should have taken everything at face value and moved on because it's for the best, right?
But then I noticed that she was back on the site for several days in a row. Why would she do that if she is really trying to make things work with her husband? Also, I'd have expected that her husband would have closed her email account and changed her number, but they seem to work fine. Sensing there might be something wrong with this picture, I emailed and called her several times to seek an explanation so I can have some closure, but they were all ignored.
Then a few days later I got this little gem from her by email:
I have been careful to not share too much with you about my life, my job, etc. In a relationship such as we had, it is difficult to know where it will lead and what will happen. I have had a history with "stalker" type personalities and my mother has always taught me not to share too much information with someone you have not known for long.
My husband is well aware of you and your recent emails and calls to me. I have nothing to hide and my husband and I are very concerned with the behavior and persistence you have shown in your recent emails and phone calls. We do not want to have to pursue a restraining order if your emails and phone calls continue to be persistent and threatening in nature. I have informed you that I no longer care to see you and we really wish that you could accept that and move on peacefully with no further contact attempts.
My husband and I are in this together and anything you share with me from this point forward (emails and voicemails) will be viewed and shared with my husband. I hope that we can part on good terms and that you can be respectful of the situation and the conclusion of our "relationship".
OUCH!! Put that dagger through my heart!
I suppose my attempts to contact her could be perceived as threatening... but to pursue a restraining order?? And parting on good terms meant concluding our "relationship" with no further contact attempts?? I was completely shocked that someone so close to me just a few weeks ago could become so cold and heartless so quickly. I thought I have been around long enough but I was still completely blindsided by the turn of events.
Then I was thinking.... could she have made up the whole thing with her husband finding out just to get rid of me? Did she have an affair with me because she suspected that her husband was having one too, and I happen to be the one she came across? Why did she do this to me? Why say all the right things and then break my heart? Was any of it for real??????
I had more questions than answers and I was completely at a loss as to what might have really happened.
Coming up, what really happened?
I read her letter many times and reflected on the great times we had. It was a thoughtful letter with lots of details and she clearly wanted to end things on good terms. I wrote back to her to express my disappointment and sadness, and to let her know that I respected her decision. But I didn't get a response from her which is not unexpected, even though she said she wants to hear back from me and stay in touch.
I should have taken everything at face value and moved on because it's for the best, right?
But then I noticed that she was back on the site for several days in a row. Why would she do that if she is really trying to make things work with her husband? Also, I'd have expected that her husband would have closed her email account and changed her number, but they seem to work fine. Sensing there might be something wrong with this picture, I emailed and called her several times to seek an explanation so I can have some closure, but they were all ignored.
Then a few days later I got this little gem from her by email:
I have been careful to not share too much with you about my life, my job, etc. In a relationship such as we had, it is difficult to know where it will lead and what will happen. I have had a history with "stalker" type personalities and my mother has always taught me not to share too much information with someone you have not known for long.
My husband is well aware of you and your recent emails and calls to me. I have nothing to hide and my husband and I are very concerned with the behavior and persistence you have shown in your recent emails and phone calls. We do not want to have to pursue a restraining order if your emails and phone calls continue to be persistent and threatening in nature. I have informed you that I no longer care to see you and we really wish that you could accept that and move on peacefully with no further contact attempts.
My husband and I are in this together and anything you share with me from this point forward (emails and voicemails) will be viewed and shared with my husband. I hope that we can part on good terms and that you can be respectful of the situation and the conclusion of our "relationship".
OUCH!! Put that dagger through my heart!
I suppose my attempts to contact her could be perceived as threatening... but to pursue a restraining order?? And parting on good terms meant concluding our "relationship" with no further contact attempts?? I was completely shocked that someone so close to me just a few weeks ago could become so cold and heartless so quickly. I thought I have been around long enough but I was still completely blindsided by the turn of events.
Then I was thinking.... could she have made up the whole thing with her husband finding out just to get rid of me? Did she have an affair with me because she suspected that her husband was having one too, and I happen to be the one she came across? Why did she do this to me? Why say all the right things and then break my heart? Was any of it for real??????
I had more questions than answers and I was completely at a loss as to what might have really happened.
Coming up, what really happened?
Friday, August 20, 2010
Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 5
Part 5 - The Dear John Letter
After I got back from Chicago I couldn't be any happier and I was really looking forward to our next trip to the Caribbean. Then she dropped a bomb on me three days after we said our goodbyes in Chicago.
She sent me a "Dear John" letter to let me know that her husband found out about the affair. Even though she said she is not in a happy marriage, they decided to reconcile and make it work. She won't be able to see me or contact me anymore because her husband will keep a close eye on her activities such as her email and cell phone calls. Keep in mind that she had told me this is the second affair she had in her marriage, and the first started shortly after she got married. She said she found out her husband was also having an affair when she was seeing me. I can't believe they would want to stay together and make the effort given the history of their infidelity.
For a few days my head was in a fog and I couldn't eat or sleep. I felt disappointed, sad, upset, angry, and hurt. I can't believe how something so wonderful could have ended so suddenly. But even though she broke my heart, I thought it might be for the best and I should respect her decision and support her effort to make her marriage work.
Here are excerpts from her "Dear John" letter:
To make a long story short....... hubby got home early while I was still out, jumped on the computer to check his e-mails AND found my email account. So you can imagine how horrible it was when I got home. Fortunately he did not have much time to read my emails from you..... but he now knows about Chicago, Seattle, and my next trip with you!!!!
So in a nut shell, last night was filled with tears, anger, sadness, yelling, arguing, and then finally some rational talk at the end. He admitted to me that he had begun seeing someone. Apparently, they have been sexually active and dating for the past 3.5 months! Not a complete shock to me, but definitely hard to take.
Once we were able to rationally speak to one another we actually had a good talk. We discussed separation, but to be honest with you, we both get very sad at the idea of parting ways. We determined that we would give this marriage a whole-hearted shot and try to work things out. This of course is sad for me, because I know that it means no longer speaking with you. This is very hard for me to do, but I know that my husband deserves one last perfect attempt at saving our marriage. I'm sure this is all coming as a shock to you, but I believe it is what I want to try to do. We are both a little crazy for trying to give this another shot, but I think it is worth a try."
I hope that you can understand my decision to give my marriage a devoted attempt. I cannot begin to tell you how much I have enjoyed our time together and the way you made me feel. If the circumstances were different, I would love to explore where our relationship would go. I hope this does not come as a complete shock to you, although I'm sure it is not the e-mail message you wanted to receive in your inbox. I changed my e-mail password, so hopefully I can at least communicate with you via e-mail and get your feedback."
I am nervous to hear back from you...... but I hope that you can respect the direction my situation is headed in. We plan on attending a couples retreat for marriage counseling. Thank you for all the joys you have given me. If this last attempt with my husband does not work out, you will be the first one to know.
Keep smiling and keep in touch, ok?
Love,
Coming up - What's wrong with this picture?
After I got back from Chicago I couldn't be any happier and I was really looking forward to our next trip to the Caribbean. Then she dropped a bomb on me three days after we said our goodbyes in Chicago.
She sent me a "Dear John" letter to let me know that her husband found out about the affair. Even though she said she is not in a happy marriage, they decided to reconcile and make it work. She won't be able to see me or contact me anymore because her husband will keep a close eye on her activities such as her email and cell phone calls. Keep in mind that she had told me this is the second affair she had in her marriage, and the first started shortly after she got married. She said she found out her husband was also having an affair when she was seeing me. I can't believe they would want to stay together and make the effort given the history of their infidelity.
For a few days my head was in a fog and I couldn't eat or sleep. I felt disappointed, sad, upset, angry, and hurt. I can't believe how something so wonderful could have ended so suddenly. But even though she broke my heart, I thought it might be for the best and I should respect her decision and support her effort to make her marriage work.
Here are excerpts from her "Dear John" letter:
To make a long story short....... hubby got home early while I was still out, jumped on the computer to check his e-mails AND found my email account. So you can imagine how horrible it was when I got home. Fortunately he did not have much time to read my emails from you..... but he now knows about Chicago, Seattle, and my next trip with you!!!!
So in a nut shell, last night was filled with tears, anger, sadness, yelling, arguing, and then finally some rational talk at the end. He admitted to me that he had begun seeing someone. Apparently, they have been sexually active and dating for the past 3.5 months! Not a complete shock to me, but definitely hard to take.
Once we were able to rationally speak to one another we actually had a good talk. We discussed separation, but to be honest with you, we both get very sad at the idea of parting ways. We determined that we would give this marriage a whole-hearted shot and try to work things out. This of course is sad for me, because I know that it means no longer speaking with you. This is very hard for me to do, but I know that my husband deserves one last perfect attempt at saving our marriage. I'm sure this is all coming as a shock to you, but I believe it is what I want to try to do. We are both a little crazy for trying to give this another shot, but I think it is worth a try."
I hope that you can understand my decision to give my marriage a devoted attempt. I cannot begin to tell you how much I have enjoyed our time together and the way you made me feel. If the circumstances were different, I would love to explore where our relationship would go. I hope this does not come as a complete shock to you, although I'm sure it is not the e-mail message you wanted to receive in your inbox. I changed my e-mail password, so hopefully I can at least communicate with you via e-mail and get your feedback."
I am nervous to hear back from you...... but I hope that you can respect the direction my situation is headed in. We plan on attending a couples retreat for marriage counseling. Thank you for all the joys you have given me. If this last attempt with my husband does not work out, you will be the first one to know.
Keep smiling and keep in touch, ok?
Love,
Coming up - What's wrong with this picture?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Yet Another SB Horror Story - Part 3
5. The empty envelope
"He yelled at me..and said I should stop the whining. He had invested lots of money in this trip,the resort..my meals and he wasnt whining. That he was a good person, that I should be grateful if anything."
He may have come with high expectations and then became upset at how much time and money he had spent only to be disappointed. The ipad and lingerie was only a small part of his total expenditure. Even so, he should have acted as a gentleman and ended the meeting amicably. For whatever reason he chose to vent his frustration on her and that is inexcusable.
Note to all SD's, please don't be part of a SB's horror story!! Even if things don't turn out as expected for whatever reason, be a gentleman and treat her with respect.
"I had not one single penny in my pcoket. He told me all my expenses were to be covered and that I shouldnt worry about bringing money. I dont have a credit card, so I had nothing with me."
"I realized I had not even money for airport tax nor my ticket to fly back home."
Sigh... she should not have put herself in that situation in the first place. Having your own money in case of an emergency is just common sense. But I don't understand the problem with $3 airport tax. If the ticket was already paid for, then the tax should be included.
"I found an empty sealed envelope by my bag. Which meant there was no money..no financial retribution for all these 10 days. He had fucked me in exchange for fancy meals at a resort."
What was supposed to be in the envelope? Was there an agreement for cash compensation in addition to the ipad/lingerie that she didn't get? Perhaps the empty envelope is emblematic of the situation, that the expectations on both sides weren't clearly communicated and agreed to prior to the trip.
I still can't believe anyone would plan a first meeting to last 10 days!! How crazy is that?? It was doomed to fail from the beginning despite the best intentions and efforts of the people involved. Add on top of that the lack of sexual chemistry and failure to honestly communicate and you have the recipe for yet another SB horror story.
The end.
"He yelled at me..and said I should stop the whining. He had invested lots of money in this trip,the resort..my meals and he wasnt whining. That he was a good person, that I should be grateful if anything."
He may have come with high expectations and then became upset at how much time and money he had spent only to be disappointed. The ipad and lingerie was only a small part of his total expenditure. Even so, he should have acted as a gentleman and ended the meeting amicably. For whatever reason he chose to vent his frustration on her and that is inexcusable.
Note to all SD's, please don't be part of a SB's horror story!! Even if things don't turn out as expected for whatever reason, be a gentleman and treat her with respect.
"I had not one single penny in my pcoket. He told me all my expenses were to be covered and that I shouldnt worry about bringing money. I dont have a credit card, so I had nothing with me."
"I realized I had not even money for airport tax nor my ticket to fly back home."
Sigh... she should not have put herself in that situation in the first place. Having your own money in case of an emergency is just common sense. But I don't understand the problem with $3 airport tax. If the ticket was already paid for, then the tax should be included.
"I found an empty sealed envelope by my bag. Which meant there was no money..no financial retribution for all these 10 days. He had fucked me in exchange for fancy meals at a resort."
What was supposed to be in the envelope? Was there an agreement for cash compensation in addition to the ipad/lingerie that she didn't get? Perhaps the empty envelope is emblematic of the situation, that the expectations on both sides weren't clearly communicated and agreed to prior to the trip.
I still can't believe anyone would plan a first meeting to last 10 days!! How crazy is that?? It was doomed to fail from the beginning despite the best intentions and efforts of the people involved. Add on top of that the lack of sexual chemistry and failure to honestly communicate and you have the recipe for yet another SB horror story.
The end.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Yet Another SB Horror Story - Part 2
3. Everything was NOT ok.
"He stayed in my city for 2 days, he seemed pretty happy...he was sweet,caring, couldnt keep his hands to himself... all these activities he joined as well...and he had an awesome time"
She wrote about her impression of him, but what was his impression of her?? Despite her saying that he was seemingly happy, his behavior was in stark contrast to what she described.
"I did ask if everything was all right, if he was happy,if I had met all his expectations. He said yes."
Well, obviously he lied. But why?
"and reminded him that since we had agreed in no talking about a financial agreement but for him to leave me a sealed envelope by my night table, to honor the end of our deal. At this point, everything seemed normal to me."
Unfortunately this was a recurring theme. She thought everything was normal and he was happy, when in reality that was not the case. Clearly, everything was NOT ok despite all of her efforts to please him.
4. What's sex got to do with it?
"To my surprise he went to his room..and asked me to stay in mine"
This is not the action of a man who would say "you are such a good lover," "if anyone has to feel lucky about all this experience is me." His action speaks louder than words, so she shouldn't have let his words mislead her.
"Yes...we had sex on the day we met. Now that I think about it...I cant remember if he did finish or not...weird~"
"I had tried to give him a BJ and he had some trouble lasting on it...even though I had pulled every trick I knew"
"I slipped into his room and we attempted to have sex. I started on a BJ again...he was ready...but...again....he failed to finish. We snuggled and he said it was fine...he had enjoyed it, even when no finishing act. I tried all the moves..every trick I knew...everything!"
It's obvious the sex wasn't good, and I'm not sure why. It appears that it certainly wasn't due to a lack of effort on her part. Perhaps it was her lack of experience, or maybe he had some physical limitations. Ultimately, maybe sex had everything to do with how things turned out.
Coming up - Part 3, the empty envelope
"He stayed in my city for 2 days, he seemed pretty happy...he was sweet,caring, couldnt keep his hands to himself... all these activities he joined as well...and he had an awesome time"
She wrote about her impression of him, but what was his impression of her?? Despite her saying that he was seemingly happy, his behavior was in stark contrast to what she described.
"I did ask if everything was all right, if he was happy,if I had met all his expectations. He said yes."
Well, obviously he lied. But why?
"and reminded him that since we had agreed in no talking about a financial agreement but for him to leave me a sealed envelope by my night table, to honor the end of our deal. At this point, everything seemed normal to me."
Unfortunately this was a recurring theme. She thought everything was normal and he was happy, when in reality that was not the case. Clearly, everything was NOT ok despite all of her efforts to please him.
4. What's sex got to do with it?
"To my surprise he went to his room..and asked me to stay in mine"
This is not the action of a man who would say "you are such a good lover," "if anyone has to feel lucky about all this experience is me." His action speaks louder than words, so she shouldn't have let his words mislead her.
"Yes...we had sex on the day we met. Now that I think about it...I cant remember if he did finish or not...weird~"
"I had tried to give him a BJ and he had some trouble lasting on it...even though I had pulled every trick I knew"
"I slipped into his room and we attempted to have sex. I started on a BJ again...he was ready...but...again....he failed to finish. We snuggled and he said it was fine...he had enjoyed it, even when no finishing act. I tried all the moves..every trick I knew...everything!"
It's obvious the sex wasn't good, and I'm not sure why. It appears that it certainly wasn't due to a lack of effort on her part. Perhaps it was her lack of experience, or maybe he had some physical limitations. Ultimately, maybe sex had everything to do with how things turned out.
Coming up - Part 3, the empty envelope
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Yet Another SB Horror Story - Part 1
I came across Caribbean Princess's blog over the weekend and I was shocked to see her horror story about a meeting with pot SD gone bad. You can see her story here and here.
Instead of feeling shock and anger at what happened and calling her pot all sorts of names, my initial reaction was different from most of the comments to her story. There are plenty of horror stories like hers in the blogs, and there are lots of travel safety tips available (for example, see here and here), and yet it still happened despite all the experienced SD/SB friends she had. I just don't get it. I'm in no way condoning what happened to her. I'm shocked at why it had to happen in the first place!
She made some rookie mistakes that were avoidable as others have pointed out, and of course there is no excuse for what he did. I thought I'd provide an analysis based on what she wrote to explore different aspects of the situation. I don't have as much history and background about her as others, and I'm analyzing the situation with the benefit of hindsight, but I hope this is still useful.
1. Why such a long first meeting?
I understood the premise of the first meeting is for him to travel a long distance to visit her and spend a couple of days in her city, and then travel together to an island resort for a few days. Here's what I wrote about first meetings in "Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 3"
I've seen many blog stories about first meetings that were planned to last several days, but then it usually ends up in disappointment. To spend that much time with someone you're meeting for the first time is usually not a good idea because too many things can go wrong. It can also cause expectations and pressure to develop and make the situation uncomfortable. What if the person is not as advertised in the profile or the chemistry isn't there? It's not uncommon to think everything will go well before a first meeting only to find out that's not the case.
So the obvious problem is that the first meeting is way too long. A more prudent approach would be to meet only in her city and not travel to somewhere else. With a long and elaborate first meeting it means that the pot SD has invested a lot of time and money in this trip in addition to the gifts/allowance, which may cause his expectations to become unrealistic no matter what she did. Another problem is that even if the first meeting went well, the longer term prospect is questionable at best due to the distance involved. Did they discuss what might happen beyond the first meeting? Is it realistic to think that it could become an on-going relationship despite the distance?
2. Early warning signs.
"he said he was having second thoughts about spending his last evening in my city,and perhaps he could take a flight straight from the island to Miami."
It's not a good sign when he was already thinking about an early exit. Despite how well she thought the meeting was going, it implies that something didn't meet his expectations (was it about her physical appearance, personality, sex, or something else?).
"He did asked me to stop asking him if he was having a good time,to just relax and have fun. I just had an odd feeling but I couldnt point what was going on."
It appears that for whatever reason she was getting on his nerves during the trip (maybe she was trying too hard to please?), he couldn't take it anymore and finally had to tell her. This may have kept on building during the rest of the trip to the point where he started to act irrationally.
Coming up in Part 2 - "Everything was NOT ok", and "What's sex got to do with it?
Instead of feeling shock and anger at what happened and calling her pot all sorts of names, my initial reaction was different from most of the comments to her story. There are plenty of horror stories like hers in the blogs, and there are lots of travel safety tips available (for example, see here and here), and yet it still happened despite all the experienced SD/SB friends she had. I just don't get it. I'm in no way condoning what happened to her. I'm shocked at why it had to happen in the first place!
She made some rookie mistakes that were avoidable as others have pointed out, and of course there is no excuse for what he did. I thought I'd provide an analysis based on what she wrote to explore different aspects of the situation. I don't have as much history and background about her as others, and I'm analyzing the situation with the benefit of hindsight, but I hope this is still useful.
1. Why such a long first meeting?
I understood the premise of the first meeting is for him to travel a long distance to visit her and spend a couple of days in her city, and then travel together to an island resort for a few days. Here's what I wrote about first meetings in "Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 3"
I've seen many blog stories about first meetings that were planned to last several days, but then it usually ends up in disappointment. To spend that much time with someone you're meeting for the first time is usually not a good idea because too many things can go wrong. It can also cause expectations and pressure to develop and make the situation uncomfortable. What if the person is not as advertised in the profile or the chemistry isn't there? It's not uncommon to think everything will go well before a first meeting only to find out that's not the case.
So the obvious problem is that the first meeting is way too long. A more prudent approach would be to meet only in her city and not travel to somewhere else. With a long and elaborate first meeting it means that the pot SD has invested a lot of time and money in this trip in addition to the gifts/allowance, which may cause his expectations to become unrealistic no matter what she did. Another problem is that even if the first meeting went well, the longer term prospect is questionable at best due to the distance involved. Did they discuss what might happen beyond the first meeting? Is it realistic to think that it could become an on-going relationship despite the distance?
2. Early warning signs.
"he said he was having second thoughts about spending his last evening in my city,and perhaps he could take a flight straight from the island to Miami."
It's not a good sign when he was already thinking about an early exit. Despite how well she thought the meeting was going, it implies that something didn't meet his expectations (was it about her physical appearance, personality, sex, or something else?).
"He did asked me to stop asking him if he was having a good time,to just relax and have fun. I just had an odd feeling but I couldnt point what was going on."
It appears that for whatever reason she was getting on his nerves during the trip (maybe she was trying too hard to please?), he couldn't take it anymore and finally had to tell her. This may have kept on building during the rest of the trip to the point where he started to act irrationally.
Coming up in Part 2 - "Everything was NOT ok", and "What's sex got to do with it?
Friday, August 13, 2010
Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 4
Part 4 - Feeling like the King of the World
After Seattle, our next meeting was planned for Chicago in a few weeks. In the mean time we continued to keep in touch by emails and occasional phone calls. I started to become a little skeptical of some of the things she told me about herself and her work but I didn't think too much of it at the time. I thought about questioning her in Chicago but then I decided not to rock the boat and just enjoy the trip instead.
Before the trip we talked about getting a couples massage at the spa, and she half jokingly hinted our future together:
"Looking forward to the couples massage. It will be great to experience that with you. We will have to agree on a story for the massage therapist about the two of us - shall we say we are married (to one another that is) - LOL!"
We met again in Chicago and it was every bit as enjoyable as Seattle, maybe even more so. A corner suite at a boutique hotel overlooking the river with a jacuzzi tub for two and huge window box seats. Imagine relaxing in the tub after a long day and then one thing led to another... or making love in the middle of the night in the window box seat without a care of who else might be watching. A day of shopping along Michigan Avenue with much time spent at La Perla getting that perfect evening wear and everything underneath. A couples massage at the Spa Space where the masseuse showed us how to practice massage on each other, which we put to good use many times during the trip.
Dinner at the Signature Room with a panoramic view of the entire city below us. Dinner cruise on Lake Michigan with spectacular fireworks at Navy Pier. Walks in the Millennium Park along the lake. Not to mention the amazing sex and pillow talks about a future together and saying "I love you" to each other. For a few days I felt like I was the king of the world! I can still picture her on the deck of the dinner cruise ship with a colorful sunset and city skyline in the background. She was stunningly beautiful and the entire scene was so breathtaking. It's an image I'll carry in my heart and treasure forever. After I got back from Chicago I couldn't be any happier and I was really looking forward to our next trip to the Caribbean.
Then she dropped a bomb on me three days after we said goodbye in Chicago.
Coming up, Part 5 – The Dear John Letter
After Seattle, our next meeting was planned for Chicago in a few weeks. In the mean time we continued to keep in touch by emails and occasional phone calls. I started to become a little skeptical of some of the things she told me about herself and her work but I didn't think too much of it at the time. I thought about questioning her in Chicago but then I decided not to rock the boat and just enjoy the trip instead.
Before the trip we talked about getting a couples massage at the spa, and she half jokingly hinted our future together:
"Looking forward to the couples massage. It will be great to experience that with you. We will have to agree on a story for the massage therapist about the two of us - shall we say we are married (to one another that is) - LOL!"
We met again in Chicago and it was every bit as enjoyable as Seattle, maybe even more so. A corner suite at a boutique hotel overlooking the river with a jacuzzi tub for two and huge window box seats. Imagine relaxing in the tub after a long day and then one thing led to another... or making love in the middle of the night in the window box seat without a care of who else might be watching. A day of shopping along Michigan Avenue with much time spent at La Perla getting that perfect evening wear and everything underneath. A couples massage at the Spa Space where the masseuse showed us how to practice massage on each other, which we put to good use many times during the trip.
Dinner at the Signature Room with a panoramic view of the entire city below us. Dinner cruise on Lake Michigan with spectacular fireworks at Navy Pier. Walks in the Millennium Park along the lake. Not to mention the amazing sex and pillow talks about a future together and saying "I love you" to each other. For a few days I felt like I was the king of the world! I can still picture her on the deck of the dinner cruise ship with a colorful sunset and city skyline in the background. She was stunningly beautiful and the entire scene was so breathtaking. It's an image I'll carry in my heart and treasure forever. After I got back from Chicago I couldn't be any happier and I was really looking forward to our next trip to the Caribbean.
Then she dropped a bomb on me three days after we said goodbye in Chicago.
Coming up, Part 5 – The Dear John Letter
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 3
Part 3 - Falling in Love
After our first meeting we agreed to meet again a few weeks later in Seattle which is where I was going for my next business trip. I'm quite familiar with the city and it's one of my favorite places to visit. It was her first trip there so she relied on me to plan a fun and romantic getaway.
I picked her up in a limo at the airport and we went to the hotel first to relax and freshen up. I got a waterfront suite with a sweeping view of Elliott Bay and the Olympic Mountains, and I had a bottle of her favorite red wine waiting for her. We enjoyed dinner at the fabulous Fish Club, the cozy and intimate Chez Shea, and the incredible views at Sky City on top of the Space Needle. We took leisurely morning walks through the sights, sounds, and smells of Pike's Market with latte at the original Starbucks and chocolate croissants at Le Panier, a little French bakery.
Holding hands and strolling through the beautiful gardens of Chateau St. Michelle with a tasting of the best wines from the region. Hugging and kissing under the stars at Alki Point with the downtown skyline gleaming across the bay. A spa day for her at Gene Juarez while I was away taking care of business. And shopping at the bustling downtown shopping district with all of her favorite stores. It was magical and we had a wonderful time enjoying each other's company.
I have met many beautiful women in my life, but I thought she was the only one that had the complete package. She was perfect for me in many ways... physically, sexually, and her personality was compatible and complementary with mine. I came back from Seattle on cloud nine and started to plan our next trip. I thought if there was "the one" who I would give up my marriage for she was it. And I started to fall for her and I told her so. She said all the right things and led me to believe that the feelings were mutual. Here are some examples from her emails:
"I too have very strong feelings for you. I think it means a lot that already we can be open and honest with each other... that says a lot about our compatibility. I would love to continue to see you as often as we can make it possible. It is difficult to say what lies in our future, but I know that I want you to be in my life."
"I wanted to tell you that I don't think you are too emotional or high maintenance! I am glad that we both have feelings for each other."
"I care a lot for you already and I want to be sure that we can be honest with each other. I look forward to the future times we will have together and I'm sure we will continue to grow closer....."
Coming up - Feeling like the king of the world
After our first meeting we agreed to meet again a few weeks later in Seattle which is where I was going for my next business trip. I'm quite familiar with the city and it's one of my favorite places to visit. It was her first trip there so she relied on me to plan a fun and romantic getaway.
I picked her up in a limo at the airport and we went to the hotel first to relax and freshen up. I got a waterfront suite with a sweeping view of Elliott Bay and the Olympic Mountains, and I had a bottle of her favorite red wine waiting for her. We enjoyed dinner at the fabulous Fish Club, the cozy and intimate Chez Shea, and the incredible views at Sky City on top of the Space Needle. We took leisurely morning walks through the sights, sounds, and smells of Pike's Market with latte at the original Starbucks and chocolate croissants at Le Panier, a little French bakery.
Holding hands and strolling through the beautiful gardens of Chateau St. Michelle with a tasting of the best wines from the region. Hugging and kissing under the stars at Alki Point with the downtown skyline gleaming across the bay. A spa day for her at Gene Juarez while I was away taking care of business. And shopping at the bustling downtown shopping district with all of her favorite stores. It was magical and we had a wonderful time enjoying each other's company.
I have met many beautiful women in my life, but I thought she was the only one that had the complete package. She was perfect for me in many ways... physically, sexually, and her personality was compatible and complementary with mine. I came back from Seattle on cloud nine and started to plan our next trip. I thought if there was "the one" who I would give up my marriage for she was it. And I started to fall for her and I told her so. She said all the right things and led me to believe that the feelings were mutual. Here are some examples from her emails:
"I too have very strong feelings for you. I think it means a lot that already we can be open and honest with each other... that says a lot about our compatibility. I would love to continue to see you as often as we can make it possible. It is difficult to say what lies in our future, but I know that I want you to be in my life."
"I wanted to tell you that I don't think you are too emotional or high maintenance! I am glad that we both have feelings for each other."
"I care a lot for you already and I want to be sure that we can be honest with each other. I look forward to the future times we will have together and I'm sure we will continue to grow closer....."
Coming up - Feeling like the king of the world
Monday, August 9, 2010
Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 2
Part 2 - The day of our first meeting
On the day of our meeting she agreed to meet me at the hotel hobby before going to dinner. I waited for her at the entrance and she pulled up in a sporty convertible and stepped out in her little black dress and stiletto heels. Ladies, if you want to make a good first impression this is the way to do it! It's a stick shift too and I was really impressed! She looks even better than the pics she sent me. She is gorgeous and her sense of style is impeccable. Everywhere she went people turned their heads. There is a certain presence about her beyond her looks and attire that get people noticed.
I invited her up to my suite to chat and have some wine and she agreed. She was a little nervous at first because she said I'm the first person she met from the site. But she got comfortable quickly and the mutual attraction and chemistry were instant and effortless. I knew right away she wasn't doing this only for material reasons. Our great conversation and laughter continued during dinner and it took longer than expected. So when we got back to the hotel there wasn't much time left before she had to leave, otherwise her husband would get suspicious. Up to this point we have kissed and held hands, and I thought that would be it for the night....
Then she did something that I'll always remember vividly. She put her arms around me, gazed into my eyes, and whispered "we still have time..." Well, I may be slow but I got the hint and I don't need any more encouragement! Pretty soon our clothes were flying everywhere with the sofa and the bed as our playground. Her body is exquisite and flawless. Remember the passionate, hot, sweaty sex you used to have with your sweetheart? That's what it felt like and she had no problem keeping up with me in the bedroom, or was it the other way around? ;)
She left with a smile on her face and agreed to come back in the morning. I went to sleep thinking I can't believe how lucky I was and maybe what just happened was only a dream. Well, it wasn't a dream and she did come back in the morning and we had breakfast in bed. I told her to pinch me to make sure all this is for real. Once again we made good use of our time together and left each other tired but satisfied. What a great way to start the day! Needless to say we agreed to take a trip together for our next meeting and we decided to meet in Seattle during my next business trip a few weeks later.
Coming up... falling in love
On the day of our meeting she agreed to meet me at the hotel hobby before going to dinner. I waited for her at the entrance and she pulled up in a sporty convertible and stepped out in her little black dress and stiletto heels. Ladies, if you want to make a good first impression this is the way to do it! It's a stick shift too and I was really impressed! She looks even better than the pics she sent me. She is gorgeous and her sense of style is impeccable. Everywhere she went people turned their heads. There is a certain presence about her beyond her looks and attire that get people noticed.
I invited her up to my suite to chat and have some wine and she agreed. She was a little nervous at first because she said I'm the first person she met from the site. But she got comfortable quickly and the mutual attraction and chemistry were instant and effortless. I knew right away she wasn't doing this only for material reasons. Our great conversation and laughter continued during dinner and it took longer than expected. So when we got back to the hotel there wasn't much time left before she had to leave, otherwise her husband would get suspicious. Up to this point we have kissed and held hands, and I thought that would be it for the night....
Then she did something that I'll always remember vividly. She put her arms around me, gazed into my eyes, and whispered "we still have time..." Well, I may be slow but I got the hint and I don't need any more encouragement! Pretty soon our clothes were flying everywhere with the sofa and the bed as our playground. Her body is exquisite and flawless. Remember the passionate, hot, sweaty sex you used to have with your sweetheart? That's what it felt like and she had no problem keeping up with me in the bedroom, or was it the other way around? ;)
She left with a smile on her face and agreed to come back in the morning. I went to sleep thinking I can't believe how lucky I was and maybe what just happened was only a dream. Well, it wasn't a dream and she did come back in the morning and we had breakfast in bed. I told her to pinch me to make sure all this is for real. Once again we made good use of our time together and left each other tired but satisfied. What a great way to start the day! Needless to say we agreed to take a trip together for our next meeting and we decided to meet in Seattle during my next business trip a few weeks later.
Coming up... falling in love
Friday, August 6, 2010
Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 1
Please note the usual disclaimers apply. This was one of my learning experiences during the early days. I hope you'll enjoy the story and learn from it.
---------------------------
Part 1 - She found me
I don't usually get unsolicited emails on sugardaddie.com, but one day I got one out of the blue from a married SB who was looking for a discreet relationship. Since I'm married too I thought this could work out great for both of us. Here's an excerpt of what she sent me:
"You sound like a sincere person, something that I'm sure is difficult to find on this site. I will be honest with you in the fact that I am currently married, but trying to get out. Given my career, I have the opportunity for travel. If you are not comfortable with my situation, I fully understand..... my sincere wishes to you. If you are willing to put up with my current relationship status in the short term..... let me know. We can further pursue this conversation....."
Based on what she wrote it seems that she might be ready to get out of her marriage for the right person. I read her email and profile and at first I thought someone who knew me well was playing a prank on me because she is exactly what I was looking for. She's in her late 20's, blond hair, blue eyes, athletic, and very attractive. And she travels for work which is perfect because I travel frequently for business as well. I waited a few days before I responded, and after a few emails and phone calls I decided to visit her where she lives because I was going there for a business trip.
We agreed that our first meeting is just for dinner to get to know each other and see if there is mutual attraction and chemistry for a possible arrangement. And if it went well then we would plan a trip together for our next meeting. Prior to our first meeting we kept in touch by frequent emails and occasional phone calls. She is sweet, charming, mature, intelligent, caring, and just a delightful person to communicate with. We have a lot in common and we felt very comfortable with each other and shared many things about our personal lives. She seemed sincere and made me feel very special to be meeting her.
Here are some examples of what she wrote to me:
"It is nice to find someone in the same boat as myself.... I think if this continues it could be something very special for both of us - and on many levels…."
"I read your e-mail last night before going to bed..... and it took me a while to fall asleep because I was thinking of you!"
"It is not like me to meet someone on the internet and immediately meet with them in person. But for some reason with you it is different - I feel comfortable and believe that you are a sincere and trustworthy person. It is a little scary for me, but I'm sure after we meet I will feel more comfortable"
"I look forward to spending some time with you and getting to know you. It is refreshing to find someone respectable on that website...... I have a feeling we are one of the few genuine people on that site."
Coming up... the day of our first meeting.
---------------------------
Part 1 - She found me
I don't usually get unsolicited emails on sugardaddie.com, but one day I got one out of the blue from a married SB who was looking for a discreet relationship. Since I'm married too I thought this could work out great for both of us. Here's an excerpt of what she sent me:
"You sound like a sincere person, something that I'm sure is difficult to find on this site. I will be honest with you in the fact that I am currently married, but trying to get out. Given my career, I have the opportunity for travel. If you are not comfortable with my situation, I fully understand..... my sincere wishes to you. If you are willing to put up with my current relationship status in the short term..... let me know. We can further pursue this conversation....."
Based on what she wrote it seems that she might be ready to get out of her marriage for the right person. I read her email and profile and at first I thought someone who knew me well was playing a prank on me because she is exactly what I was looking for. She's in her late 20's, blond hair, blue eyes, athletic, and very attractive. And she travels for work which is perfect because I travel frequently for business as well. I waited a few days before I responded, and after a few emails and phone calls I decided to visit her where she lives because I was going there for a business trip.
We agreed that our first meeting is just for dinner to get to know each other and see if there is mutual attraction and chemistry for a possible arrangement. And if it went well then we would plan a trip together for our next meeting. Prior to our first meeting we kept in touch by frequent emails and occasional phone calls. She is sweet, charming, mature, intelligent, caring, and just a delightful person to communicate with. We have a lot in common and we felt very comfortable with each other and shared many things about our personal lives. She seemed sincere and made me feel very special to be meeting her.
Here are some examples of what she wrote to me:
"It is nice to find someone in the same boat as myself.... I think if this continues it could be something very special for both of us - and on many levels…."
"I read your e-mail last night before going to bed..... and it took me a while to fall asleep because I was thinking of you!"
"It is not like me to meet someone on the internet and immediately meet with them in person. But for some reason with you it is different - I feel comfortable and believe that you are a sincere and trustworthy person. It is a little scary for me, but I'm sure after we meet I will feel more comfortable"
"I look forward to spending some time with you and getting to know you. It is refreshing to find someone respectable on that website...... I have a feeling we are one of the few genuine people on that site."
Coming up... the day of our first meeting.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 5
Part 5 - Getting emotionally involved again!
Despite the lessons I learned from my first "long term" SB, I fell into the same trap again after a few months and this time it was even worse emotionally. She broke my heart and everything about her and the emotional bonding I thought we had turned out to be a lie. Just as before I wanted to be a gift/travel SD and no money changed hands. Even though the experience was short lived (we only met a few times over a 3 month period), it took me a long time to recover emotionally and it forced me to question my idea of what a sugar relationship should be.
For example, am I able to handle the emotional aspect of a NSA relationship when I find the "ideal" SB? (obviously I can't). Are the "finer things in life" that I'm willing to offer the right things, or should I put money into the mix to make sure there is a boundary? Will different approaches attract different type of SB's? I spent the rest of that year experimenting to try to find answers. I'll write about my heartbreaking story titled "Mixing Love and Sugar" next.
It was a learning experience for me trying to see what worked and what didn't in an arrangement. It was a turning point where I went from a gift/travel SD, to a mix of gifts and allowance, to potentially allowance only. I found in some cases it didn't take much for an attractive woman wanting to be intimate with me, and I had no problem attracting younger women in the under 30 age group. One of the most interesting experiences was when I flew in two strippers and I'll write about that adventure later.
As I experimented with different type of arrangements I ran into some common problems. For example, the "now that I have found someone to pay my bills let me dump all my problems on him" problem. Well, you know the type.... You agree on an allowance but then she keeps on coming up with unexpected bills and surprises that require more than what was agreed. Doctor's bills, vet bills, insurance bills, legal bills, repair bill, and the "I forgot I owe them money" bills. I don't mind stepping in to help out when there is a real need, but no one wants to throw money down a money pit.
Another example is the "I get what I want and you get what you get" mentality. The SD does his part and perhaps even more. But she dishes out her "sugar" in small portions reluctantly and eventually blows him off, which was certainly not what he expected. So what's a SD to do? Cut his losses and run? Have a "come to Jesus" meeting? Give her a second or third chance?
Just like before, I reflect on my experiences and try to learn from it, but then you wonder if I'm able to apply the lessons learned when I'm faced with the situation. Here are some of the lessons learned while experimenting with different types of arrangements:
1. Don't enter an arrangement with a large amount of money upfront, regardless of what it's for. When that happens the SB may lose all incentive to do her part. I once paid a semester of tuition for a SB upfront, with the understanding that we'll meet once or twice a month during the semester. We never made it to the third meeting. That's another story I'll post someday.
2. Don't let her problem become yours. I've got to put my foot down when the SB is spending way over the agreement. Instead of paying the bills and say never again, I should have just refused to pay and cut my losses.
3. Focus on quality not quantity. In addition to the good and bad experiences and various adventures, there were many "average" experiences which I can really do without. That would have saved me a lot of time and money.
Coming up - Getting emotionally involved for the last time.
Despite the lessons I learned from my first "long term" SB, I fell into the same trap again after a few months and this time it was even worse emotionally. She broke my heart and everything about her and the emotional bonding I thought we had turned out to be a lie. Just as before I wanted to be a gift/travel SD and no money changed hands. Even though the experience was short lived (we only met a few times over a 3 month period), it took me a long time to recover emotionally and it forced me to question my idea of what a sugar relationship should be.
For example, am I able to handle the emotional aspect of a NSA relationship when I find the "ideal" SB? (obviously I can't). Are the "finer things in life" that I'm willing to offer the right things, or should I put money into the mix to make sure there is a boundary? Will different approaches attract different type of SB's? I spent the rest of that year experimenting to try to find answers. I'll write about my heartbreaking story titled "Mixing Love and Sugar" next.
It was a learning experience for me trying to see what worked and what didn't in an arrangement. It was a turning point where I went from a gift/travel SD, to a mix of gifts and allowance, to potentially allowance only. I found in some cases it didn't take much for an attractive woman wanting to be intimate with me, and I had no problem attracting younger women in the under 30 age group. One of the most interesting experiences was when I flew in two strippers and I'll write about that adventure later.
As I experimented with different type of arrangements I ran into some common problems. For example, the "now that I have found someone to pay my bills let me dump all my problems on him" problem. Well, you know the type.... You agree on an allowance but then she keeps on coming up with unexpected bills and surprises that require more than what was agreed. Doctor's bills, vet bills, insurance bills, legal bills, repair bill, and the "I forgot I owe them money" bills. I don't mind stepping in to help out when there is a real need, but no one wants to throw money down a money pit.
Another example is the "I get what I want and you get what you get" mentality. The SD does his part and perhaps even more. But she dishes out her "sugar" in small portions reluctantly and eventually blows him off, which was certainly not what he expected. So what's a SD to do? Cut his losses and run? Have a "come to Jesus" meeting? Give her a second or third chance?
Just like before, I reflect on my experiences and try to learn from it, but then you wonder if I'm able to apply the lessons learned when I'm faced with the situation. Here are some of the lessons learned while experimenting with different types of arrangements:
1. Don't enter an arrangement with a large amount of money upfront, regardless of what it's for. When that happens the SB may lose all incentive to do her part. I once paid a semester of tuition for a SB upfront, with the understanding that we'll meet once or twice a month during the semester. We never made it to the third meeting. That's another story I'll post someday.
2. Don't let her problem become yours. I've got to put my foot down when the SB is spending way over the agreement. Instead of paying the bills and say never again, I should have just refused to pay and cut my losses.
3. Focus on quality not quantity. In addition to the good and bad experiences and various adventures, there were many "average" experiences which I can really do without. That would have saved me a lot of time and money.
Coming up - Getting emotionally involved for the last time.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
A Valentine's Fantasy - Her Version, Part 3
Part 3 - What I should have done differently
I consider our visit successful, and partly because we were both clear about what we wanted and interested in pleasing each other, we both felt safe and understood, and we were both honest, open and giving with each other. The Valentine's Day pampering was truly exquisite and so was the intimacy. Still, there are things I would do differently next time and would advise others to do differently.
First, even if you trust your date, a room to yourself is important. Even though I liked him a lot and trusted him, I felt uncomfortable having no real privacy for dressing & primping, making phone calls, and just calming my first-time jitters, and since no one can be "on" and conversant at all times, there were more awkward and nervous moments than there had to be.
Second, I wouldn't advise getting into a new date's car at the airport. I initially said I would arrive at the hotel by taxi, but then I decided it would be fine for him to pick me up. I trusted my instincts about him, but they could have been wrong. It's safer and easy enough to just use a taxi until you've spent some time together.
Finally, I'm not totally at peace with my own decision to blow off my material needs. My date is used to spoiling his Babe and he offered a shopping trip (twice) and I chose playing with him and being outside instead. I can't say I regret it. It was Valentine's Day. He was sexy and fun to be with and our walk by the lake was lovely. But if I have a similar experience again, I'll honor my needs better, because he would have been happy to meet them.
Beyond those few things, which are all about my own decisions and not about him, it was a perfect first visit. He was respectful, considerate and honorable in his behavior toward me; he was a good communicator, willing to please and fun to talk to; he is smart, good looking and incredibly sexy.
What more could anyone want in a Daddy for Valentine's Day?
Sigh….
P.S. Don't even ask!
The End
------------------------
I'll post a more explicit "His Version" in the future.
I consider our visit successful, and partly because we were both clear about what we wanted and interested in pleasing each other, we both felt safe and understood, and we were both honest, open and giving with each other. The Valentine's Day pampering was truly exquisite and so was the intimacy. Still, there are things I would do differently next time and would advise others to do differently.
First, even if you trust your date, a room to yourself is important. Even though I liked him a lot and trusted him, I felt uncomfortable having no real privacy for dressing & primping, making phone calls, and just calming my first-time jitters, and since no one can be "on" and conversant at all times, there were more awkward and nervous moments than there had to be.
Second, I wouldn't advise getting into a new date's car at the airport. I initially said I would arrive at the hotel by taxi, but then I decided it would be fine for him to pick me up. I trusted my instincts about him, but they could have been wrong. It's safer and easy enough to just use a taxi until you've spent some time together.
Finally, I'm not totally at peace with my own decision to blow off my material needs. My date is used to spoiling his Babe and he offered a shopping trip (twice) and I chose playing with him and being outside instead. I can't say I regret it. It was Valentine's Day. He was sexy and fun to be with and our walk by the lake was lovely. But if I have a similar experience again, I'll honor my needs better, because he would have been happy to meet them.
Beyond those few things, which are all about my own decisions and not about him, it was a perfect first visit. He was respectful, considerate and honorable in his behavior toward me; he was a good communicator, willing to please and fun to talk to; he is smart, good looking and incredibly sexy.
What more could anyone want in a Daddy for Valentine's Day?
Sigh….
P.S. Don't even ask!
The End
------------------------
I'll post a more explicit "His Version" in the future.
Monday, August 2, 2010
A Valentine's Fantasy - Her Version, Part 2
Part 2 - What happened on Valentine's Day
When I met him at the airport, I was delighted to see that he looked exactly like he did in his photos – hot! He greeted me with a big smile and a sweet, but unassuming, hug. We drove to the hotel and had a late lunch together. The conversation was good and the chemistry was immediate, but not overpowering. We both asked the questions and brought up the topics that we should, even the ones that weren't easy. Immediately after lunch, my spa appointment began.
He had reserved the 3-hour Valentine's Day special, which included a full body massage, a facial and a manicure/pedicure, plus chocolate dipped strawberries served with champagne and a red rose. Exquisite! I admit that, in moments, I couldn't help imagining that the masseuse's hands were his. Afterward, I showered at the spa and returned to the room to dress for our shopping adventure.
He was waiting for me in the room and looking so beautiful that I couldn't resist a little taste of those soft lips I had been watching during our conversation. We had talked a lot about his life and mine and I had learned enough to find him trustworthy but also crush-worthy. And what sweet lips! I have to admit, I wanted those lips more than I wanted the shopping adventure, so we kissed away our shopping hour. Then I dressed in the Valentine's Day outfit I brought and primped a long time while he waited and we ventured out for dinner.
We nibbled ceviche and enjoyed a nice, earthy Merlot while listening to an improvisational jazz ensemble at an overcrowded, but hip, restaurant. We couldn't hear each other very well and our hands kept finding each other's body and thighs, so we picked up a bottle of red wine and some bon-bons and returned to the hotel, where I veered from my goal-training and gave in to pure lust. I'm sorry if this offends the more pure SB's, but my needs aren't always material and I had already decided that this trip would be more an adventure than an SD interview.
We did at least two things in the bedroom I had never done before and both were most excellent. He spent the night and we shared breakfast in bed in the morning. Again, he offered to take me to the shopping mall, but it was such a beautiful day, and I so wanted to be outside, that we visited a local lakeside park instead, walked along the lake holding hands and talked a lot about the sugar lifestyle, and then went out for coffee.
Even though the visit was fulfilling, we both sensed this wasn't the ideal sugar relationship for either of us, so we talked about that and decided to be really open with each other about our ideal, our chances of finding the ideal, the best way to go about it, etc. This was one of the best aspects of the visit – finding a confidante on the other side of the sugar aisle. Still, at the end of the visit, as he was taking me to the airport, we found ourselves plotting a possible future visit, this time in my state.
Coming up - What I should have done differently.
When I met him at the airport, I was delighted to see that he looked exactly like he did in his photos – hot! He greeted me with a big smile and a sweet, but unassuming, hug. We drove to the hotel and had a late lunch together. The conversation was good and the chemistry was immediate, but not overpowering. We both asked the questions and brought up the topics that we should, even the ones that weren't easy. Immediately after lunch, my spa appointment began.
He had reserved the 3-hour Valentine's Day special, which included a full body massage, a facial and a manicure/pedicure, plus chocolate dipped strawberries served with champagne and a red rose. Exquisite! I admit that, in moments, I couldn't help imagining that the masseuse's hands were his. Afterward, I showered at the spa and returned to the room to dress for our shopping adventure.
He was waiting for me in the room and looking so beautiful that I couldn't resist a little taste of those soft lips I had been watching during our conversation. We had talked a lot about his life and mine and I had learned enough to find him trustworthy but also crush-worthy. And what sweet lips! I have to admit, I wanted those lips more than I wanted the shopping adventure, so we kissed away our shopping hour. Then I dressed in the Valentine's Day outfit I brought and primped a long time while he waited and we ventured out for dinner.
We nibbled ceviche and enjoyed a nice, earthy Merlot while listening to an improvisational jazz ensemble at an overcrowded, but hip, restaurant. We couldn't hear each other very well and our hands kept finding each other's body and thighs, so we picked up a bottle of red wine and some bon-bons and returned to the hotel, where I veered from my goal-training and gave in to pure lust. I'm sorry if this offends the more pure SB's, but my needs aren't always material and I had already decided that this trip would be more an adventure than an SD interview.
We did at least two things in the bedroom I had never done before and both were most excellent. He spent the night and we shared breakfast in bed in the morning. Again, he offered to take me to the shopping mall, but it was such a beautiful day, and I so wanted to be outside, that we visited a local lakeside park instead, walked along the lake holding hands and talked a lot about the sugar lifestyle, and then went out for coffee.
Even though the visit was fulfilling, we both sensed this wasn't the ideal sugar relationship for either of us, so we talked about that and decided to be really open with each other about our ideal, our chances of finding the ideal, the best way to go about it, etc. This was one of the best aspects of the visit – finding a confidante on the other side of the sugar aisle. Still, at the end of the visit, as he was taking me to the airport, we found ourselves plotting a possible future visit, this time in my state.
Coming up - What I should have done differently.
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