Recently a newbie SD posed several questions in the SA Blog. His questions and concerns were fairly common for newbie SD's so I thought I'd address them here.
I know that this is not a sex for pay situation but keep running into that.
There are all sorts of people looking for all kinds of things in the sugar world. The key is to find those who share similar ideas in terms of what a sugar relationship is and how it should work. Recent media coverage has shown that "pay for play" may be prevalent so it's no surprise that's what you've run into.
I can only commit to provide a certain allowance, about a thousand a month, but it seems that everyone is looking for much more. Am I being reasonable or am I barking up the wrong tree?
What's reasonable can depend on several factors, mainly location and your expectations. If the SB is in a high cost of living area and you expect to spend a lot of time with her and traveling is involved, then 1k/mo could be barking up the wrong tree. Keep in mind not all arrangements include an allowance, some SD's provide gifts/travel. Also, the allowance is only the starting point for a SD's total spending related to the SB. It takes money to have fun, travel, and enjoy the finer things in life so you need to take all that into account. Realistically, at 1k/month and given your location, your options are probably limited.
I know that no sugar baby worth having has sex immediately but what is a reasonable time to be expected to wait?
That really depends on how comfortable you are with each other and how long it takes to agree on an arrangement. Keep in mind that a sugar relationship should be mutually beneficial and once you have an arrangement in place then both sides should be ready to do what they've agreed to do.
I understand that it is the custom to meet and greet at least the first time with no expectation of having sex or receiving money except for actual expenses. Is this correct?
Yes that's correct. Generally speaking it’s best to keep a first meet simple and low key as I’ve discussed before. A first meet mainly serves 3 purposes:
1. Will he/she show up as planned
2. Will he/she be as advertised in the profile
3. Will there be compatibility and chemistry to take things further.
Anything else that happens is a bonus. Meeting for drinks/coffee or a casual lunch/dinner should accomplish those goals. Save the more elaborate fancy stuff for the next meet if things go well. This is easy to do when both parties are local. If travel is involved by either party, then making a decision to meet would require more thought and planning. But the underlying purpose should remain the same.
The ladies I have talked to seem to all be desperate and broke and need money right away to cover some never ending emergency. I know that I probably sound crass for focusing on the sex and money parts but feel that I could easily be taken advantage of by not knowing the expectations.
Some SB's are eager to treat you like an ATM. The key is to screen relentlessly and don't put yourself in a situation to be taken advantage of. If the desperate and broke ones are not your type then there is no need to waste your time on them. I've talked about the "White Knight" syndrome and some of the lessons learned. Also see the "Sex, Money, and Sugar" series in my blog.
I have read several blogs here and have just got more confused by the conflicting and possibly biased information.
People in the blog have diverse backgrounds with a wide range of experiences and opinions. Therefore it's not unusual to see conflicting and biased information. There is usually no right or wrong, it just depends on your perspective. So take it all in and decide for yourself what's useful in your particular situation.
Are these relationships ever long term? lasting several years?
Yes and yes. My longest lasted 2 years and I had several that were between 6 months to a year. I know other SD's who had even longer sugar relationships. However, one study has shown that on average sugar relationships only last 3-4 months. So long term is possible, but it's by no means the norm.
I know that it is not permanent but would like to get comfortable with a woman with the expectation that it is not time limited. Or is that the crux of the matter in that you set the mutual expectations early and honestly?
Being honest with each other about expectations from the beginning is one of the things that sets sugar dating apart from regular dating. Sugar relationships are NSA in nature so it will last as long as the two people involved want it to last.
I am living in a smaller town and the number of ladies on the site from within a hundred miles is rather small. Is it usual for one or both to have to travel? or is that dependent on the area also?
Given your location it is likely some traveling will be involved. But even those in major metro areas may consider a long distance sugar relationship for various reasons. I think most SD/SB's would prefer local, but it's not unusual for one or both to travel.
I have had inquiries from long distances but so far most of them have appeared to be request for advance payments.
Ask yourself how can such a situation be mutually beneficial and how much risk are you willing to take. Most SD's probably aren't willing to take such risks, but maybe some are.
I have not seen many ladies over the age of forty on the site so far. I have found that I have little in common with many of the twenty somethings. Are there many ladies available with a few more years of life experience around or is this a younger ladies thing?
On sugar dating sites most SB's are under 30 because apparently that's what most SD's seek. And again this is perpetuated by recent media coverage which creates a stereotype in most people's mind. The fact is that SB's can come in all age, size, and color with a wide range of life experiences. Also, some SB's over 40 purposely put their age as 30's in their profile to attract more SD's. It may seem like you're trying to find a needle in a haystack, but be patient and persistent, screen relentlessly, and you'll eventually find what you're looking for. Good luck!
By the way, answering your questions reminded me that once upon a time I wrote an article called "A Practical Guide for SD's in the Sugar World". I'll post it in my blog when I have time.
