Sugardaddy Chronicles

Questions from a Newbie SD

2011-09-01T13:13:00.000-07:00

Recently a newbie SD posed several questions in the SA Blog. His questions and concerns were fairly common for newbie SD's so I thought I'd address them here.

I know that this is not a sex for pay situation but keep running into that.

There are all sorts of people looking for all kinds of things in the sugar world. The key is to find those who share similar ideas in terms of what a sugar relationship is and how it should work. Recent media coverage has shown that "pay for play" may be prevalent so it's no surprise that's what you've run into.

I can only commit to provide a certain allowance, about a thousand a month, but it seems that everyone is looking for much more. Am I being reasonable or am I barking up the wrong tree?

What's reasonable can depend on several factors, mainly location and your expectations. If the SB is in a high cost of living area and you expect to spend a lot of time with her and traveling is involved, then 1k/mo could be barking up the wrong tree. Keep in mind not all arrangements include an allowance, some SD's provide gifts/travel. Also, the allowance is only the starting point for a SD's total spending related to the SB. It takes money to have fun, travel, and enjoy the finer things in life so you need to take all that into account. Realistically, at 1k/month and given your location, your options are probably limited.

I know that no sugar baby worth having has sex immediately but what is a reasonable time to be expected to wait?

That really depends on how comfortable you are with each other and how long it takes to agree on an arrangement. Keep in mind that a sugar relationship should be mutually beneficial and once you have an arrangement in place then both sides should be ready to do what they've agreed to do.

I understand that it is the custom to meet and greet at least the first time with no expectation of having sex or receiving money except for actual expenses. Is this correct?

Yes that's correct. Generally speaking it’s best to keep a first meet simple and low key as I’ve discussed before. A first meet mainly serves 3 purposes:

1. Will he/she show up as planned
2. Will he/she be as advertised in the profile
3. Will there be compatibility and chemistry to take things further.

Anything else that happens is a bonus. Meeting for drinks/coffee or a casual lunch/dinner should accomplish those goals. Save the more elaborate fancy stuff for the next meet if things go well. This is easy to do when both parties are local. If travel is involved by either party, then making a decision to meet would require more thought and planning. But the underlying purpose should remain the same.

The ladies I have talked to seem to all be desperate and broke and need money right away to cover some never ending emergency. I know that I probably sound crass for focusing on the sex and money parts but feel that I could easily be taken advantage of by not knowing the expectations.

Some SB's are eager to treat you like an ATM. The key is to screen relentlessly and don't put yourself in a situation to be taken advantage of. If the desperate and broke ones are not your type then there is no need to waste your time on them. I've talked about the "White Knight" syndrome and some of the lessons learned. Also see the "Sex, Money, and Sugar" series in my blog.

I have read several blogs here and have just got more confused by the conflicting and possibly biased information.

People in the blog have diverse backgrounds with a wide range of experiences and opinions. Therefore it's not unusual to see conflicting and biased information. There is usually no right or wrong, it just depends on your perspective. So take it all in and decide for yourself what's useful in your particular situation.

Are these relationships ever long term? lasting several years?

Yes and yes. My longest lasted 2 years and I had several that were between 6 months to a year. I know other SD's who had even longer sugar relationships. However, one study has shown that on average sugar relationships only last 3-4 months. So long term is possible, but it's by no means the norm.

I know that it is not permanent but would like to get comfortable with a woman with the expectation that it is not time limited. Or is that the crux of the matter in that you set the mutual expectations early and honestly?

Being honest with each other about expectations from the beginning is one of the things that sets sugar dating apart from regular dating. Sugar relationships are NSA in nature so it will last as long as the two people involved want it to last.

I am living in a smaller town and the number of ladies on the site from within a hundred miles is rather small. Is it usual for one or both to have to travel? or is that dependent on the area also?

Given your location it is likely some traveling will be involved. But even those in major metro areas may consider a long distance sugar relationship for various reasons. I think most SD/SB's would prefer local, but it's not unusual for one or both to travel.

I have had inquiries from long distances but so far most of them have appeared to be request for advance payments.

Ask yourself how can such a situation be mutually beneficial and how much risk are you willing to take. Most SD's probably aren't willing to take such risks, but maybe some are.

I have not seen many ladies over the age of forty on the site so far. I have found that I have little in common with many of the twenty somethings. Are there many ladies available with a few more years of life experience around or is this a younger ladies thing?

On sugar dating sites most SB's are under 30 because apparently that's what most SD's seek. And again this is perpetuated by recent media coverage which creates a stereotype in most people's mind. The fact is that SB's can come in all age, size, and color with a wide range of life experiences. Also, some SB's over 40 purposely put their age as 30's in their profile to attract more SD's. It may seem like you're trying to find a needle in a haystack, but be patient and persistent, screen relentlessly, and you'll eventually find what you're looking for. Good luck!

By the way, answering your questions reminded me that once upon a time I wrote an article called "A Practical Guide for SD's in the Sugar World". I'll post it in my blog when I have time.

Review of Huffington Post Article on Seeking Arrangement and Student Loans

2011-08-06T22:49:00.000-07:00

Recently Huffington Post had an article titled "Seeking Arrangement: College Students Using 'Sugar Daddies' To Pay Off Loan Debt." Since I'm always interested in how the sugar world is portrayed by the media, here's my take on the article.

This article, like most media coverage about the sugar world, seems to revolve around 3 topics:

1. Is sugar relationship for companionship only or is sex involved?

I think it should surprise no one that most sugar relationships involve sex, just like most adult dating relationships. However, there seem to be some SB's who want to perpetuate the impression that most SD's only want companionship, and it would be beneath them to have sex with older men for money. While platonic sugar relationships certainly exist, it's clearly a small niche so let's not delude ourselves to think that most SD's don't want sex.

2. If sugar relationship involve money and sex, then isn't it prostitution?

As I mentioned in one of my blog posts, the issues of SB's vs Escorts is a popular topic but it's been debated ad nauseum. The bottom line is some people like myself clearly see the difference and there are those who don't, and that's ok. According to Jennifer in the article: "My situation is different in a number of different ways. First of all, I don't engage with a high volume of people, instead choosing one or two men I actually like spending time with and have decided to develop a friendship with them. And while sex is involved, the focus is on providing friendship. It's not only about getting paid."

3. How much money is involved in a sugar arrangement and how long does it last?

Most SB's would tell you that they want a long term arrangement based on monthly allowance which is the type of ideal situation often discussed in the SA Blog. While there is no doubt that some SB's have received a steady monthly allowance plus all the extras (gifts, travel, fine dining, etc), the article portrays a reality that p4p is prevalent and cited a study that showed arrangements last only three to four months on average.

Here are some more observations about the article:

- According to SA, the ratio of SB to SD is about 10 to 1, and 40% of SD's are married. This is fairly consistent with my understanding.

- 35% of SB's on SA are college students as identified by their .edu email addy. However, this measure does not include students from vocational schools and those who don't use .edu addy, so the actual percentage who are students is likely to be higher.

- SA gives free premium membership to SB's who use their .edu addy and certify them as "college sugar baby"! Is this one of the best kept secrets or am I slow to the party? :)

- The article opened with Taylor, a 22yo from Harlem who goes to meet her much older SD for the first time in Greenwich. She meets him at his house with no prior agreement as to what would happen and end up having sex with him for $350. She failed to do the 3 simple things a newbie SB should do as I mentioned in this post. The article didn't mention whether she'll see him again.

- Jack, a 70yo SD in NYC who prefers SB's under 25, provides 500/night plus fine dining and shopping. Apparently he has no shortage of SB's to choose from with what he offers. And I thought SB's in NYC drive a hard bargain based on everything I've seen in SB's blogs! :)

- Suzanne, a 25yo in NYC sees her 39yo SD in NJ for dinner and sex at 400-500 per meet. They've had 3 dates and the article stated: "While the men typically pay per meeting, Suzanne is hoping to set up an ongoing hookup."

- Dayanara, a 23yo exotic mix, had a 5k/month arrangement with an investment bank exec in NYC. The article didn't say how long it lasted. Now she has 3 SD's and she said she could get 2500 for a night of dinner and sex. She also works as a topless masseuse... but why work at all (especially as a topless masseuse) if she has 3 SD's giving her good money? Something doesn't sound right.

Jennifer, 23yo from NYC, flew to visit a 30 something banker in FL for the first time. She end up spending the night at a hotel with him and had sex for 1k. Apparently it worked out well for her, but the SB blogs are full of horror stories about SB's who traveled for their first meet.

I think stories like these are closer to reality than some of the more sensationalized portrayal full of stereotypes we've seen in the past. I found two of the points made in the article very interesting, here's the first one:

"Six of the eight women interviewed for this article mentioned the longer-term psychological toll of pretending to be someone else. Double lives and dual identities are common for both the women and men involved in sugar relationships."

Most people thought women in the sugar world could be psychologically damaged by having sex with older men they just met or haven't known for very long. It's interesting to see that may not be as big of an issue as the stress caused by living a double life. And here's the second:

Weitzer also sees a potential danger for young women getting sucked into making large sums of money and later finding it difficult to abandon such a lifestyle. "The more you make, the harder it becomes to transition away from,"..."For someone who's been doing it for a while, it can be difficult to stop doing it and suddenly transition into a normal job or date men without as many resources."

This is why I have often talked about the "end game" or "exit strategy" in the sugar world. For SB's who have a generous arrangement and living way beyond their means, what happens when it ends?? All sugar relationships eventually come to an end except in rare cases it could turn into an IRL relationship, and it usually ends sooner than expected.

After the article was published, KABC radio interviewed two SB's about the article and you can listen to the podcast here. Both SB's insisted that their arrangement is for companionship only, and it includes thousands in allowance plus extras, and they will get out of the sugar world after their loans are paid off. The talk show hosts were understandably skeptical since what the SB's described was in stark contrast to what was in the article.

As I said, I thought the article realistically portrayed what's actually happening in the sugar world unlike some of the more sensationalized stereotype of the past. This may burst some people's bubbles and some may find it depressing and discouraging, but it's better to know what's out there so you can be prepared to deal with it and find what you're looking for.

Questions From a Newbie SB

2011-08-05T08:41:00.000-07:00

Hi, I found your blog through google and I have to say that I LOVE it...anyways, I have some questions that I'm hoping you can answer for me....I am completely new to the SB world and I'm going on my first date. I am absolutely terrified. How do I bring up the allowance/what we expect from each other in public? After we finish lunch, am I expected to go back with him? Should I be prepared for judging people/the looks when I sit down to eat with a man who is clearly much older than I? Is sex expected? What if the man is an undercover cop, can't I get in trouble? I'm also very concerned about my safety. What should I do to keep myself as safe as possible before and after we meet? Please help!

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Thanks for reading my blog! These questions are very common among newbies, so just relax and be yourself. Use common sense at all times and don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Now let's take your questions one by one...

- After we finish lunch, am I expected to go back with him?

The key to a successful first meet is to communicate clearly about expectations of the meeting BEFORE you meet. Typically the first meeting is at a public place for you to get to know each other and see if there is chemistry and common interests to meet again and take things further. So the answer is no, you shouldn't be expected to go back with him after lunch. But if that's what he expects then he should have clearly communicated that to you. Then it's up to you to use common sense and decide whether it's something you're comfortable with.

- Should I be prepared for judging people/the looks when I sit down to eat with a man who is clearly much older than I?

Yes, if he looks much older than you then you should be prepared for unwanted attention when you're out in public with him. Ask yourself how much this bothers you and whether it's something you can handle or not. If you don't think you can handle it then be honest with him and let him know. And in the future you should take this into consideration when you talk to pot SD's.

- Is sex expected? What if the man is an undercover cop, can't I get in trouble?

Sex should not be expected during the first meeting unless the two of you have already discussed and agreed to it. You can get into trouble with law enforcement only if you explicitly agree to a sex for money transaction.

- How do I bring up the allowance/what we expect from each other in public?

Most newbies get stressed out about this subject and agonize over it when there is really no reason to. See my blog post about "Questions Newbie SB's Should Ask". If he's an experienced SD then he should be expecting the discussion about allowance to come up at some point, if he doesn't bring it up first. I'd suggest that you describe your allowance expectations in terms of a goal or target you're trying to achieve. Such as, paying down credit card debt or student loan, or to help with living expenses. Or, if an allowance is not the most important thing to you and you're more interested in living a better lifestyle (shopping, fine dining, travel, etc), then clearly communicate that to him as well.

- I'm also very concerned about my safety. What should I do to keep myself as safe as possible before and after we meet?

Always meet at a public place for the first meeting, clearly communicate the expectations of the meeting, and let a friend know where you are at all times. You'll be surprised at how many newbie SB's fail to take these 3 simple steps.

Enjoy your meeting and good luck!

Review of MTV's True Life: I'm a Sugar Baby

2011-07-16T22:29:00.000-07:00

I watched the show on my laptop by the pool and it was pretty entertaining. These quotes tell you everything you need to know about each SB character:

“I’m so money hungry, but I’m so lazy” – Olivia
“I need a sugar mama ASAP” – Steve
“I need a SD to pay for my lifestyle” – GG

What else do these 20 something SB’s have in common? They all live in high rent districts and can’t afford their lifestyle on their own. Some have pointed out the show doesn’t resemble how a sugar relationship should work as we understand it on the SA Blog. But in reality it’s a fairly accurate portrayal of what actually happens in the sugar world. Here are some observations and comments about the characters.

- GG and Olivia both met their pot SD’s for the first time at his house. Really?
- Steve came across as an immature doofus. I have no idea what any of the cougars see in him.
- Sean (Olivia’s ex bf) came across as a douche bag for pimping her out to get what he wants.
- Olivia’s SD appeared possessive and drama prone for wanting her tattoo removed.

GG has the typical gold digger mentality, it’s all about how much more she can get while giving as little in return as possible. There is nothing wrong with a platonic sugar relationship as long as that’s what both sides want. But she deliberately stringed him along just to see what she can get. I may not have agreed with some of her SD’s approach to get laid. But to his credit he cut his losses after paying for her $500 dress. A less experienced SD or a white knight probably would have put up with her longer and throw more money at her just to end up with the same result.

As for Olivia, her looks resemble one of my former SB’s, except my SB was a bit slimmer and bustier. She has typical emotional baggage and unsure of what she really wants, thus her emotional struggle with her ex bf and her SD. But in the end she finally learned that “this lifestyle is not for me right now”.

At the end GG learned from her record producer that “everything comes with a price” and she finally realized “if I quit being a SB, I’m going to have to learn how to be financially independent, it’s not going to be easy.” Amen and welcome to the real world!

As for Steve, it was ironic that he had to pay for the dinner with his would be mama who lost her job.

None of the SB characters are SB material, so it’s no surprise GG and Olivia end up leaving the sugar lifestyle, and Steve was still trying but had no luck. But what bothered me the most was GG’s mom expecting her daughter to continue with sugar just to support her lifestyle. What kind of parent is that??

After the show MTV followed up with the three characters in this article. Also, look at the comments under the episode, it’s pretty interesting.

Lastly, a TV show about the sugar lifestyle and no one had sex?? Say it ain’t so!!

Help... My SB is a Dominatrix! Part 1

2011-03-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

Part 1 - Her Ad

This is what happened with my first "long term" SB who lasted over a year. Please note the usual disclaimers apply.

The following was her ad.

No, I didn't know she'd become a dominatrix when I started the sugar relationship.

No, BDSM was not part of our relationship. In fact she was somewhat submissive as a SB. Go figure.

Why have a SD and also get paid to dominate other men?? I wish I knew.

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Under My influence, you will forget yourself and your vanilla worries, becoming no more than a toy for your all-powerful Goddess. The act of a sensual ritual and a dramatic structure of the fantasy are just as important as the physical sensations; it is an exchange of power and energy unlike anything you have ever experienced. The beautiful, complex dichotomy of pain and pleasure will over power you and leave you begging for more…

I am the beautiful, demanding, spoiled, and classy Goddess you are seeking; you will be enslaved by your desire for Me.

A session with Me is devastatingly erotic. Worthy slaves will experience the harsh line between pleasure and pain, reveling in My elegant and powerful presence. I am highly intuitive and imaginative. I provide a perfect forum for you to embrace your darkest fantasies. I will captivate you with My wicked sense of humor, but MAKE NO MISTAKE, displease Me at your peril!

I will own you! Be aware....I enjoy pushing limits and creating new ones. I will own your mind and manipulate your thoughts. I am your Goddess!!

I am a highly skilled, genuine, engaged and intuitive Goddess who privileges quality over quantity relations that allow for the building of trust and an exploration of the most personal and secret realms. I expect My submissives to have knowledge of their needs and expectations as well as the capacity to communicate in an honest and intelligent manner. I enjoy confident, accomplished, respectful and adventurous individuals who seek self-discovery and allow their limits to be challenged and pushed.

I am very selective with My slaves….. I will not simply welcome anyone into slavery. Only the most promising subs will be given the gift of serving Me. Are you worthy?

I enjoy submissive males, females, switch’s and couples for D/s relations. ~Bondage, Predicament Bondage, Humiliation, Prolonged Tease & Denial, Sissy Slut Training, Maid Training, Cross-dressing/Feminization, Sensory Deprivation, Chastity Training, CBT, Severe Corporal Punishment, OTK, Trampling, Wrestling, Role Play Scenarios and Fetishes, Pony Play, Body Worship, Sensory Deprivation, Hot Wax, and more…

you will serve Me at My discreet private residence, fully equipped with a custom-made spanking bench, an array of floggers, collars, whips, paddles, nipple clamps, ropes, crops, canes, restraints, spreader bars, plugs, CBT equipment, blindfolds, and more. I welcome polite slaves for safe, sane, consensual, legal play. My sessions are one hour long starting with a tribute of $xxx. I am NOT however an “escort with a whip”. If this is what you are looking for there are many out there for you to choose from. Don’t you dare ask Me about sex!

Please do not offend Me by asking about My rates. If you are searching for a discount, you should consider someone better suited to your finances. Travel and extended meetings are possible. To assure an encounter of the highest quality, I require impeccable hygiene, fresh breath, and pre-screening. I also require at least twenty-four hours notice, sometimes more.

Blocked calls will not be answered.

you will at all times display a high level of respect and impeccable manners and in return will receive the discipline and training you so deeply desire!

My hours vary… I prefer My slaves to visit Me between the hours of 10am and 9pm~ Monday through Friday. Weekend sessions with slaves are a possibility. All sessions require a deposit. NO EXCEPTIONS!I am fortunate to know a beautiful and highly experienced Pro-Domme. She and I are available for the seriously dedicated and brave slaves who desire TWO Pro-Dommes - during one session.

~HARD LIMITS~

Financial Domination, Blackmail, Blood, Scat Showers, Animals, Children, Incestuous Fantasies, and Diaper Play
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Coming up, Part 2 - How it all started

What is NSA? - Part 3

2011-02-19T23:39:00.000-08:00

Part 3 - Level of Commitment

Does NSA mean no commitment?? Well, that depends on what type and what level of commitment we're talking about. In any relationship the type of commitment can generally be categorized as Time, Emotional, Financial, and Legal. And the level of commitment in each category can define what type of relationship it is. For example, in a casual dating relationship there is usually not a lot of time and emotional commitment, and certainly no financial and legal commitment. On the other end of the spectrum, a marriage requires a high level of time, emotional, financial, and ultimately legal commitment.

So where does NSA sugar relationships fit in? Generally speaking, the level of time and emotional commitment is similar to casual dating, but there is a certain amount of financial commitment depending on the arrangement. It is somewhere between casual dating and committed relationship as the following table illustrates.

                                           Casual         NSA Sugar          Committed
   Dating         Relationship        Relationship         Marriage

Time commitment               Low            Low-Medium         Medium-High             High

Emotional commitment       Low                  Low                Medium-High            High

Financial commitment        None           Depend on the      Low-Medium            High
                                                               Arrangement
Legal commitment              None                 None                None                 YES

What is NSA? - Part 2

2011-02-08T08:47:00.000-08:00

Part 2 - The NSA Paradox

How many young attractive SB's have said that most SD's fall in love with her quickly and want to have a serious relationship instead?? As a result, it usually caused the sugar relationship/arrangement to end sooner than expected.

How do most men typically deal with very attractive women? They become possessive and want to keep her for himself because he’s afraid that she might find someone better. Being possessive leads to jealousy, insecurity, and being clingy and controlling, which is unattractive and will eventually drive her away.

NSA means not being possessive, it means letting go and not stay awake at night and wonder who she’s with and what she’s doing without you. By setting her free, it shows the confidence you have in yourself, and she may become more attracted to you as a result.

Thus the NSA paradox – setting someone free without strings may actually make the sugar relationship last longer.

Act like you’ve dated very attractive woman before. You appreciate her beauty and personality but you're not overwhelmed or intimidated by it. She is with you because she wants to be with you, not because you want to keep her to yourself and not only because of the arrangement.

Every time I hear a SB tells me that most men fall for her right away, I reply with: "don’t worry, PYT, as a married family man falling in love with you is a luxury I don’t have." The same goes for SB's who don't want to consider married SD's because they're afraid to be a home wrecker or break up a marriage. My response would be "what makes you think that will be the case?"

Young attractive women could date guys her age, and maybe even wealthy ones, and end up with what? A possessive, jealous, and controlling boyfriend? Wouldn't she be better off with someone more mature, more established, and someone who knows what NSA is and can set her free...

Coming up - Part 3, Level of Commitment

What is NSA? - Part 1

2011-02-03T18:33:00.000-08:00

No Strings Attached... or is it No Sex Allowed?? :)

This is one of my favorite topics in the sugar world and I’m sure everyone has an opinion about it. As I have said in the past, no strings doesn’t mean no feelings. When you spend enough time with someone then naturally some feelings are going to develop. The key is how you keep those feelings and emotions under control to make sure the relationship remains NSA. It takes experience and maturity to make it work and it’s not for everyone, and some are not able to handle NSA despite their best intentions.

Let’s compare NSA to regular dating and see what some of the differences are. For example, is there “love” and “commitment” that can lead to a future of happily ever after?? No, not in the traditional sense. By “commitment” I’m referring to the longevity and exclusivity of a relationship. Do you meet each other’s friends and families and talk to them about the relationship? For the most part, no. Do you go through the usual courting rituals before having sex? No, not necessarily.

NSA could mean different things to different people as there are many shades of grays, and some people may consider certain aspects of NSA more important than others. What NSA should be… when you’re together you enjoy each other’s company to the fullest, and when you’re apart you have your own busy lives. There are feelings when you’re together and you can certainly care for each other. But there shouldn’t be symptoms of emotional attachment when you're apart, such as being insecure, clingy, possessive, etc that can lead to all sorts of drama.

How easy it is to end a NSA relationship can depend on how long you’ve been together. Obviously it can be more difficult to end a relationship after a year or more compared to one that lasted only a few months. Some have mentioned the three month “curse”, and as I’ve said in the past, in general I don’t consider anything less than 3 months as an “arrangement”. It’s more like an experiment that didn’t work out. I’d consider six months and longer as “long term”. It also depends on whether it’s local or long distance. Long distance one’s usually don’t last as long due to the time, distance, and logistics involved.

My #1 rule for NSA arrangement is “don’t get emotionally attached”, and #2 rule is “keep the relationship simple”. If you find it difficult to end a relationship then chances are there may be some emotional attachment and the relationship is no longer simple. But NSA is still NSA, you can mutually agree to end it and you both move on. That’s how it’s supposed to work but I know it’s easier said than done. As I mentioned before, during my first 3 years in the sugar world I had plenty of drama filled relationships that ended in train wrecks and explosive break ups. But since then I’ve learned my lessons and had much more enjoyable sugar relationships that lasted longer and still kept them NSA.

When you apply NSA to regular dating then it’s basically casual dating, and I think we all know what that is as we’ve probably all done it before. What makes it different in the sugar world is of course the sugar, or the arrangement aspect. The arrangement in a sugar relationship helps to keep it NSA by establishing clear boundaries and expectations that you normally wouldn’t have in regular dating. That’s why sugar and NSA usually go hand in hand together. Without the sugar you’ll likely slip down that slippery slope into… gasp… the drama of regular dating!! :)

Coming up, Part 2 - The NSA Paradox

"Name Your Destination" Contest - The Winning Entry

2011-01-12T06:23:00.000-08:00

Here's the winning entry from LASB.

1. Your current situation, your experience with sugar relationships, and why you’re looking for a SD.

I have very little experience with sugar relationships. I have met some nice guys from SA, but the sugar stars have not aligned just yet. An SD relationship appeals to me because I like the idea of not having to go dutch on everything, I enjoy men who are chivalrous, and I want something that is not so serious, allowing me to still have my own life.

2. Why you have chosen the destination and what do you plan to do when you get there.

If I could go anywhere, I would go to Japan. My family was already living in the States by World War II. Upon receiving the notice to leave the West Coast for internment camp, they destroyed all records, artifacts, and heirlooms, fearing that they would be labeled as spies or traitors if they had anything that suggested they were not fully American. They stopped speaking Japanese and became as American as anyone could while still having "slant eyes" and black hair. When I was a child, my family members would tell me that camp was ok because they got to travel. They never expressed resentment, but also never told me any details. They also never spoke of Japan.

The family would say that it was their choice to lose its connections to their ancestry. They said that what happened in the past is not important. My parents and their siblings were brought up not to ask questions, and I am the only one in my generation who has shown curiosity. But by then, no one could or would provide any answers. Or at least that was what I believed up until a few years ago.

Having heard about my curiosity in family matters, Great Grandfather invited me to have dinner with him. We didn't live in the same city and I didn't know him very well, so this came as a surprise to me. I was elated and traveled to his city. When I arrived at the restaurant, there was a woman sitting next to him that wasn't my great grandmother. I stopped myself from blurting out the obvious question that was on my mind, and acted as expressionless as possible. Great Grandfather introduced this woman as his friend, but as the conversation progressed, their relationship became very obvious. She was about 20 years younger than him, making her around 70. And from what I gather, she had been his mistress over many decades.

I'm sure he invited her because she had an excellent memory and he knew that I was seeking more information that he would remember. As he was quite old at the time of this dinner, his memory wasn't great, but he seemed pleased that I was interested. Perhaps he trusted me not to judge him and not to reveal his secret to the family, or maybe he felt that passing along this information was worth the risk, but interestingly he never addressed the elephant in the room and they just proceeded to answer questions about my family's past.

She told me off a trip they took to Japan in which Great Grandfather showed her the house where his father lived. She told me stories of our family, revealing to me our Samurai heritage. This was a surprise to me, as I had always assumed we were peasant farmers, since that's what we were in California. Shockingly, the person who held the most information for me was a woman whose name I had never heard, someone who hadn't been to any family functions, basically a stranger to me. I'm sure her interest in my Great Grandfather, her lover, is why she knew so much about his history. They shared an intimacy that allowed her to probe deeper than blood relatives could.

My great grandfather passed away within a year of that dinner, but I believe I have enough information and the means to access our records, which is what I wish to do. Our town of origin has a microfiche catalog that I can access if I can prove my lineage. I need to present my birth certificate and those of my parents and grandparents. I will also try to bring documents from my aunts and uncles and any other relatives that may be curious or willing to help me. I hope to get names and dates of my relatives, to find out what they did, who they were, and where exactly they lived. I want to hunt down this supposed house as well. I understand that the task is ambitious, but Japanese people place value in family, and are very kind. I have a decent understanding of the culture and protocols, which is important when asking for help there. I will be relying both on the kindness of others as well as my own resourcefulness, two things in which I have great faith.

3. Why I should choose your entry.

I am not sure what you seek for the winning entry, but if you choose mine, it would likely be because it is well thought out and about something more than getting a tan, relaxing on the beach, or going on a shopping spree. I have nothing against those things and actually enjoy spending my time that way, but in my opinion, the type of journey I wish to take is quite unique. Additionally, my story behind my intended trip fits the theme of the SA blog, since this information came from an actual SB.

"Name Your Destination" Contest

2011-01-10T15:27:00.000-08:00

In mid December I started a contest called "Name Your Destination" in the Seekingarrangement Blog. The contest rules were as follows:

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When Yaz said “I wish someone would buy me a ticket to (name of destination) just because”… It got me thinking… why not?

So let’s call it the “Name Your Destination” contest, and here are the rules.

1. Female SB’s who are not currently in a sugar relationship are eligible to enter. (don’t want to step on any SD’s toes)
2. Destination should be served by a major airline. (Timbuktu Air doesn’t count)
3. Have a flexible travel schedule. (if you can only travel during major holidays then you might be out of luck)

The grand prize is one round trip airline ticket to the destination of the winner’s choice with the travel schedule to be mutually agreed, plus 500 cash. The second prize is 500 cash. The third prize is a monogrammed snuggie. Thanks to Arctic SD for providing the cash portion of the prizes.

How to enter:

Email me at the addy in my blog. Include a photo of yourself and describe the following:

1. Your current situation, your experience with sugar relationships, and why you’re looking for a SD.
2. Why you have chosen the destination and what do you plan to do when you get there.
3. Why I should choose your entry.

What’s required if you win the grand prize:

- I will post your entry in the blog (edited to remove any personal info)
- Write about your experience of the trip in the blog.
- As a bonus, there is a possibility to meet me for lunch at a place and date to be determined.

All entries must be submitted by December 31st, 2010 and winners will be selected by January 7th, 2011. After I receive your entry I may contact you by email for clarification or request more information. Entries will be evaluated based on how compelling your story is, how original and creative your idea is, and how well you articulate yourself. It is not based on need or how sad your story is. The purpose of the photo is for me to put a face to the story, so the photo is not part of the evaluation.

I hope there will be a good number of entries because it wouldn’t be much of a contest if only a handful of SB’s entered. Therefore I reserve the right to not select a winner if there are less than 10 entries. And no, this contest is not a joke. Email me or post here if you have any questions or comments. Good luck everyone!

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Then I announced the winners as planned on January 7th, 2011:

Here are the results of “Name Your Destination” Contest…

I have reviewed all 13 entries in detail, sent follow up questions to the contestants and received some responses. Some entries are creative and compelling while others are entertaining and humorous. And some even admitted that they entered primarily to help other sugar sisters win. The destinations include Japan, UK, South Africa, New Zealand, NYC, LA, Vegas, Chicago, Hawaii, Florida, and DC.

There were several well written and compelling entries and it was very difficult to narrow down to 3 finalists. After much deliberation I’m happy to announce the following winners:

Grand Prize – LASB. She will receive one round trip airline ticket to Japan and $500.

Second Prize – Arcadia. She will receive $500.

Third Prize – Beach Girl. She will receive $200 in lieu of a monogrammed snuggie.

I’d like to thank all contestants for making an effort to submit their entry. I wish I could send everyone to their destination of choice but even a Guru has his limits. I’d also like to thank Arctic SD for providing the cash prizes and Yaz for inspiring the contest.

LASB is in the process of editing her entry to remove personal info so that it can be posted in the blog. As soon as she’s ready I’ll post it here.

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Coming up, LASB's winning entry.

Sex, Money, and Sugar - Part 4

2010-11-23T09:49:00.000-08:00

Part 4 - Trust, Allowance, and Intimacy

One of the most often mentioned conundrums in the sugar world is which comes first, the allowance or the intimacy?? While that's an easy question to ask, there is a wide variety of opinions and there is no one size fits all approach. We all do what we’re comfortable with based on our experiences and risk tolerance. While one contemplates the issue of allowance and intimacy, the most important factor to consider is "trust". It's important to remember that trust is earned and built over time, it shouldn't be assumed or given haphazardly.

Let's look at various approaches to allowance and intimacy from the SD's point of view and see the implications.

1. "There is no way in the world I will give someone a half month up front or anywhere close to that early."

This is a more risk averse approach for the SD's. But the trade off is that some pot SB’s may not be open to this approach by taking on more risk on their end.

2. "I’ve always agreed with those who say half the allowance up front, before intimacy, is a reasonable compromise. That way if the thing quickly fizzles out due to poofing or otherwise, it is not a complete loss for either."

There is more risk taking on the part of the SD and he is willing to take on the potential loss. Poofing or non-performance by the SB (or SD) is always annoying, but perhaps it’s less annoying when only half of the allowance is at risk.

3. I pay it forward, it really builds trust very quickly. Having the financial discussion is difficult for some people, by paying it forward it makes both of you feel comfortable and get the discussion out of the way quickly and simply.

The SD is taking on most of the risk in this case by paying the allowance in advance and trusting the pot SB to do her part. But how does one know for sure if the pot SB will actually do what she said she'll do, and what if she doesn't?

The allowance-intimacy issue comes down to whatever the two people involved can agree on, much like any arrangement. The best result from any relationship is where both parties invest in the relationship, and to a certain extent, take chances. This way there is an element of commitment from both parties by investing their time, money, and effort. The word “mutual” in mutually beneficial also applies to how both parties are willing to invest and take chances to build trust in the relationship.

We all want to be treated with the same respect and trust we’ve shown to others. However, in the sugar world, common sense and common courtesy may not be so common after all. In the risk-reward equation, there are people on either side of the spectrum ranging from risk averse to taking unnecessary risks. I can’t imagine there could be much success on either side of the spectrum, so what usually works is somewhere in the middle in terms of taking risks in a prudent manner by both sides. And as I said in the beginning, there is no one size fits all approach and we all do what we’re comfortable with based on our experiences and risk tolerance.

Coming up - Part 5, First Meet and Beyond

Sex, Money, and Sugar - Part 3

2010-11-09T10:18:00.000-08:00

Part 3 - Escorts vs SB's

This is another popular topic in the sugar world. When sex and money are involved some people take a black and white view, while others understand there can be many shades of grays.

What constitutes an escort

Many years ago when I dealt with escorts on a regular basis it was pretty clear to me what constitutes an escort. They advertise their services with clearly defined rates and there is no screening other than for safety. It was easy to arrange an appointment and there was no need to consider mutual attraction, compatibility and chemistry so just about anyone who can pay the advertised rate can do it. To really get what I want in terms of looks and services it took some work to research escort reviews to make sure my money was well spent.

In general there are three factors that characterize escorts.

- Volume. Escorts tend to have sex with a larger number of men.
- Availability. Escorts will usually have sex with just about anyone who can pay their asking rate.
- Service. Escort's service level (ie what she is willing to do) is usually well documented through reviews. I understand YMMV, but most of the time it's fairly consistent and replicable.

So, just because sex and money are involved in a particular situation, does that automatically make the woman an escort? Apply the criteria I described above and see where she fits.

Pro vs non Pro attitude

Instead of escort vs SB, I prefer to look at it as pro vs non pro. It's more about the attitude or mentality of the woman and less about what the arrangement is or what she does for a living.

A pro attitude means that she values money as the most important criteria. There are other factors she'll consider but it still comes down to money. For example, a typical stripper or VIP hostess type who is not an escort can still have a pro mentality. They think in terms of how much they can make a night working without having sex with anyone, then argue why should they take the same or less money to have sex with someone. With this type of attitude they will typically look for the highest bidder and there is usually a clear linkage between money and performance.

A non pro attitude means that while money is an important factor, it's not the most important one. She will take other factors into consideration such as chemistry, attraction, compatibility, etc. She usually thinks about money in terms of what she needs and not what the perceived "market rate" is. If the money offered suites her needs and she likes who she's spending time with, then that's good enough for her. They don't go to the highest bidder because they don't necessarily think of putting a price on what they do. There is less direct linkage between money and performance.

Also, their attitude may not be related to their experience level or what they do for a living. There are newbie SB's who will approach it with a pro attitude thinking if they're going to do it at all then they want to get the most money possible, while other newbies have no clue what they want and what they're willing to do. There are some escorts on SD sites who will approach it with a non pro attitude as well.

The Escort Fallacy

It's not unusual to see some SBs compare themselves to escort rates for their allowance expectations. Their thinking is if an escort can get $X / Hour or $Y / Day, then surely they're worth a lot more. While that thinking may appear to be reasonable and logical, from a SD’s perspective it’s really counter productive. Being a SD means that we’re not looking to pay by the hour or by the day for an one time trasnaction. That’s what escorts are for. We’re looking for someone we enjoy being with and care about to build an on-going relationship. And on top of that we're willing to provide the financial assistance she needs to make her life easier and reach her goals.

If a SB wants to be paid the equivalent of an hourly or daily rate, then that could really turn some SD's off so I’d suggest they don’t get into the “escort fallacy”. A better way is to think about what your needs and goals are and explain that clearly to the SD and let him know your expectations. If a SD’s offer does not meet your expectation, then simply thank him for his time, decline his offer and move on. There is no need to justify a SB's "worth" by comparing herself to escorts. I'm not saying SB's doesn't "deserve" more than escorts, I'm just saying there are better ways to convince a SD of your "worth" than comparing yourself to escorts.

Coming up, Part 4 - Trust, Allowance, and Intimacy

Sex, Money, and Sugar - Part 2

2010-11-02T10:45:00.000-07:00

Part 2 - Allowance in Real Dollar Terms

Allowance is one of the most popular topics in the sugar world and there is no shortage of opinion about it. Instead of passing judgment on what's fair and reasonable for what's offered or expected, I'd like to examine what it means to have an allowance in real dollar terms. This will take into account real world factors such as taxes and discretionary income and compare that to established benchmarks.

For example, according to the US Census Bureau, annual median household income in the US is $49k, top 5% starts at $157k, and top 1.5% starts at $250k. Keep these numbers in mind as we look at allowance expectations in real dollars terms by taking into account taxes and SD's discretionary income.

On seekingarrangement.com a SB can indicate the amount of expected allowance in her profile. Let's look at what it means to have $1k, $3k, $5k, and $10k per month. And for illustration purpose let's assume a tax rate of 35% since SD's should be high income individuals.

$1k/month - $12k per year after tax or the equivalent of about $17k before tax.

$3k/month - $36k per year after tax or the equivalent of about $51k before tax. Note this is already higher than the median household income.

$5k/month - $60k per year after tax or the equivalent of about $86k before tax. Note this is more than one and a half times of the median, or more than half the amount of what the top 5% makes.

$10k/month - $120k per year after tax or the equivalent of about $171k before tax. Note this will put you in the top 5% of all US households.

Now that we have put those numbers in perspective, let's realistically think about what are the chances of finding SD's who can provide that kind of allowance as part of their discretionary income. For illustration purpose, let's assume a SD has 20% of his gross income available to spend on a SB. This means the SD should have an income of five times the amount he provides to the SB. Keep in mind this is his total spending on a SB, for which the allowance may only be a part of. This percentage may vary based on each SD's situation such as whether he's single or married.

$1k/month - The SD would need to have a gross income of $85k per year, this is already way above the median income.

$3k/month - The SD would need to have a gross income of $255k per year, this is already in the top 1.5%.

$5k/month - The SD would need to have a gross income of $430k per year.

$10k/month - The SD would need to have a gross income of $855k per year.

The analysis shown was for illustration purpose only. One can use different assumptions about tax rates and discretionary income to come up with different figures. But realistically, how many wealthy men can we expect from the top 1% to sign up on one of these web sites and are serious about being a SD and part with their money?? Think about what kind of work or business the SD should be in to make that kind of money, where they're located, their age and marital status, and what kind of SB they'd be looking for. Will the top 1% of SD's look for an "average" SB, or would they look for the top 1% in SB's as well? What kind of a "real" job would a SB have to get in order to make the equivalent of the allowance she is seeking?

I'm not passing judgment on what people are looking for or what they expect, and I know there are success stories across the spectrum. I'm just applying a straight forward analysis to help those in the sugar world to have a realistic view.

Coming up - Part 3, Escorts vs SB's

Sex, Money, and Sugar - Part 1

2010-10-26T07:09:00.000-07:00

I'll take a break from telling stories to start a multi-part series titled "Sex, Money, and Sugar" to discuss the intricate nature between sex and money in a sugar relationship.

Part 1 - SD's income/wealth/budget vs SB's expected allowance

On sa.com a SD's profile includes information about his income, net worth, and budget for an arrangement, and a SB's profile includes her expected allowance. But like everything else on the internet, keep in mind anyone can create a profile and put whatever they want in it. Therefore it's probably not a good idea to take everything you see at face value and assume the information is accurate.

I usually look at whatever is listed for expected allowance in SB profiles with a grain of salt. There are SB’s who consider the amount of allowance as their most important criteria and therefore will not be flexible. And there are SB’s who will consider the amount of allowance along with other factors and are willing to be flexible. Then there are SB’s who purposely put a large amount to weed out the undesirables but are willing to consider less from the right SD. You won’t know which type you’re dealing with until you have a dialog with them. Once you figure out what you’re dealing with then you can proceed accordingly.

Here's one of the most counter intuitive lessons for SD’s to learn. That is, the amount of allowance may not be directly related to the quality of relationship and experience. A higher allowance can usually get you younger and hotter arm candy, but there is no guarantee for a better experience. For example, would you have better chemistry with a SB because she is asking for a higher allowance? Or, would a SB asking for a higher allowance be more reliable?

Likewise, I’d suggest SB’s to look at a SD’s listed income/net worth with a grain of salt. Some SD’s purposely under state it because they don’t want pot SB’s to have unrealistic expectations. Some SD’s purposely over state it to attract SB’s that they otherwise wouldn’t be able to attract.

Here's one of the most counter intuitive lessons for SB’s to learn. That is, a SD’s wealth, income, and lifestyle may not directly relate to how generous and how willing he is to provide an allowance. He has to be able and willing to do so. Some wealthy men are willing to spend lots of money on fine dining, travel, and gifts because they think sharing a piece of their lifestyle is good enough to be a SD. But when it comes to providing an allowance they think there is a stigma associated with it as if they’re too good to be “paying” for a SB. Therefore, for SB's who are looking for an allowance, these wealthy men will just end up wasting their time.

Coming up - Part 2, Allowance in Real Dollar Terms

The Sugar Triangle - Part 5

2010-10-22T10:01:00.000-07:00

Part 5 - The Happy Ending?

I thought after Bob sent Alice packing that was the end of it but then two weeks later she sent me this email:

Just thought I'd update you with the latest in the saga. I'm not trying to start an argument, pass judgment, nor seeking advice. Just a friendly, "Have you heard" kinda exchange.

I typically don't put much stock in rumors, however the information comes from what I consider to be a reliable source (at least as reliable as the information you presented which was close enough). The two that have provided this information are fairly close to her and are evidently part of the wedding party.

She had her day in court and is now officially divorced form her husband. The SD and SB are now planning a fall wedding with all the trimmings complete with a honeymoon in the Caribbean. They are in the process of closing on a multi-million dollar estate in a gated community near her.

Their profiles are removed from the SD site so they evidently are not looking or wanting contact from others looking. (Unless they have changed their IDs and are there under another name). When I called him to say hello, the answering machine message now includes a "we" as part of the message.

I guess their feelings were real and they both were looking for an exclusive relationship after all. Time will tell if they do in fact go through with things and last. Have you heard anything? Are you still seeing her? Just thought I'd drop this one on you and see what else you knew.

Hope things are well with you!

Apparently there were people who were more in the know than I was. I found the rumor hard to believe, but if it's true then good luck to them!!

However, more than a year later I found out Crystal was back on the SD site and flew out to meet with a SD friend of mine. It's a very small world indeed! So I guess the happy ending for Bob and Crystal, if there was one, was short lived. There was no word on what happened to Alice.

The end.

The Sugar Triangle - Part 4

2010-10-20T07:09:00.000-07:00

Part 4 - Sugar Triangle No More

Several days after my conversation with Alice, she posted this on the sugar forum:

Bob is the most kind and considerate man I had ever known and generous sugardaddie I almost had. He was genuinely concerned and offered advice, guidance, or occasional financial assistance when the times were right. He was most respectful toward me and other women in general.

I knew he had a sugarbabie and that she did not have as much time to spend with him as he desired allegedly due to her normal job and her child. I knew he cared for her very much and yet I tried to come between them.

In discussions with others from the SD website I obtained information that perhaps all her time she could not spend with him was not with her child or her job. That she had other sugardaddies for additional fun. I visited him and gave him what I believed to be true evidence of her seeing others. I knew this would upset him and I don't know if I was truly trying to keep from hurting him more in the long run or if I was greedy and wanted more for me.

As it turned out, he truly was upset. He and she had some heated discussions over the phone. Some of the times that had been given to me when she was allegedly seeing others was actually traveling with him, or visiting his home.

The bottom line is that I was cordially asked by him to fly back to my home that evening and not call, write, or come back ever again. He and she are a stronger couple now than they were before and both their profiles have been changed on the website to indicate they have found their one.

I was cautioned not to do anything stupid by some on the board. I was told not to interfere and just be the best I could when he was with me. I allowed myself the delusion that I knew better and that he would end up being devoted to me. Evidently I still have a long way to go toward maturity.

What did I learn? No matter how good your intentions or motives do not try to get between an established couple. Be sure of your facts, and find a sly way to make them know when the time is right. Also do some real soul searching to find out what your intentions truly are.

Some day I hope to find someone as nice as he was, is, and will continue to be!

I specifically advised her not to confront him when she went to visit him but she did anyway. I don't know who else she talked to about her situation, but everything I told her was based on my own experience which I knew to be accurate. Somebody else may have given her bad information or passed on gossips and rumors. What a tangled web we weave!!

Coming up - the happy ending?

The Sugar Triangle - Part 3

2010-10-18T08:38:00.000-07:00

Part 3 - The Sugar Triangle, Plus One

Let's recap the situation so far. Bob appeared to be in a "serious" sugar relationship with Crystal, who I met three times, and he was also seeing Alice as a SB, who was aware of his relationship with Crystal.

After seeing Alice's post I felt like I'm in the middle of a soap opera watching the plot unfold, while playing a bit part with peripheral ties to the main characters. But that's about to change as I decided to reach out to Alice by email. She was young and new to the sugar world, and it appeared that she's stepping on some sensitive toes and she could get hurt if she's not careful. Here's what I wrote to her:

Seems like you have a good thing going with your SD. I think what he does or doesn't do with his other SB is his business and you shouldn't worry about it too much. Whether the other SB is taking care of his needs or not, you just need to do what you're comfortable with and take care of him. Then whatever happens, happens. As long as you are not doing anything deliberately with malicious intent to hurt someone then I think it's all fair. I think I know the people involved here but that's really none of my business anyway. Good luck! Let me know if you have any questions.

Obviously my email got Alice's attention and she replied right away:

I replied to your email a few moments ago along with a few others that I received. I have come back and read yours again a little slower and see things I did not previously notice. You KNOW us? Am I some sick game to him/them? what do you know of the situation and the people? This is disturbing to me, especially since you wrote me personally. I do not like to be made a fool of at any time!

Another reason I was asking these questions and getting opinions is that he has asked me to go look at an estate with him. He wants my opinion on legal matters and on some of the details and such. I also know it is a ploy to spend time with me, and frankly I do want to see a multi-million dollar estate. If he is serious, this estate places him closer to me than he is currently. I do not know for sure, but I think she is in the same area, and therefore would also put him closer to her than he is now.

I guess all things considered I never realized I might be sharing someone and I don't think I am comfortable with that. I do appreciate your comments but if you know or suspect more please tell me! Thank you.

I gave her one more email reply and suggested we talk on the phone:

Yes I know the people involved but it's really none of my business so I didn't want to say too much. I don't want to get involved in other people's personal lives especially if it doesn't concern me. However, I think it would be important for you to get a better understanding of the full picture, whether it's good, bad, or ugly, so you can make your own choices. Especially because you seem to care for your SD a lot and it might develop into something serious. Let's talk on the phone to discuss further.

During the phone call I told her what she wanted to know. I also advised her not to act irrationally or emotionally because that will only make things worse. Being in a sugar triangle sucks and it rarely ends well for anyone. Despite my advice, I got the sense that she was about to do something she might regret.

Coming up - Sugar Triangle No More

The Sugar Triangle - Part 2

2010-10-16T08:09:00.000-07:00

Part 2 - The Plot Thickens!

While Bob's name was being mentioned in one sugar forum, Crystal's name came up in another forum!! A SD was inquiring about her and wanting to know if any of the SD's have come in contact with her. Shortly after, he posted that he was supposed to meet her but she flaked out due to some family emergency, but she gave him mine and Bob's handle as references to show that she's for real!!

By now I'm thinking.... WTF!! I've only met her three times and I'm supposed to be her reference?? And what's Bob got to do with this?? Sure enough, shortly after that post I got an email from Bob:

I have questions about her and your meetings. She is leading me to beileve that she wants an exclusive relationship.... I take it from you that I am being misled. Can you give me the lowdown? Thanks.

I replied to him with what little I knew about Crystal and confirmed that we did meet three times. He thanked me for the information and I didn't hear from him again.

A few weeks later Alice posted again on the sugar forum. Apparently by this time a lot has happened between her and Bob. She wrote:

I am new to the sd/sb arrangements and do not know what is considered proper or acceptable and I need some advice.

I have been in contact with a very generous gentleman that has helped me in some times of need. We have met and he is truly a gentleman in his actions and has asked nothing from me in return for his help. (I even visited him in his recent hospital stay of which he reimbursed my travel expenses.) The topic of sex has not come up although I can tell he is very interested in me physically.

The dilemma: He has a sugarbaby that he cares for very deeply. I know he is providing much more assistance for her although her schedule and his do not allow them to see each other as often as he wants. I do believe that if she was more available to him he would marry her in an instance. Because she is not available enough for him, I have had the opportunity to get to know him better. He is a very likeable and generous guy that I could spend even more time with if he wanted.

I don't wish to overstep bounds and knock another sb out of a good thing; but at the same time if she isn't taking care of business then she should lose out. Is all fair in love and money? Should I not give her another thought? Waiting for your opinions and advice.

Obviously the SB in question is Crystal, and things seemed to have gotten pretty serious between her and Bob in a short period of time. But why is Alice still involved, and what is Bob trying to accomplish with her?? One of the replies to Alice's post pretty much summed up my sentiment:

This is a perfect example of a very screwed up dysfunctional relationship. If I were the man in this tryst, I would be incredibly embarrassed. These types of friendships are usually very discrete, and no one wants to have their dirty laundry aired in public. If this man had no money and wasn't so willing to part with it, I'm sure both women would be looking elsewhere.

Coming up - The Sugar Triangle, Plus One

The Sugar Triangle - Part 1

2010-10-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

Part 1 - It's a small world

Everyone loves a soap opera, right? Here's a convoluted situation I got myself into, please note the usual disclaimers apply.

During my early days in the sugar world I had several experiences that were one and done or fizzled out after a few meetings. One such case was with Crystal (not her real name), she was in her early 30's and a single mom trying to make ends meet. I stopped seeing her after three meetings because even though we enjoyed each other's company, I just didn't think we were that compatible and had much of a connection. I didn't think much of it at the time and moved on and so did she.

Not long after, in an online forum for sugar relationships (this was before the days of Facebook and blogs) I noticed a post from a newbie SB named Alice inquiring about a pot SD named Bob (not their real names). She wrote:

He seems like a very nice guy named Bob from [removed]. We have written some emails and talked on messenger only when I initiate the emails or conversation. He did give me a phone number that works and sounds nice on the phone, too. He helped out when my car broke down recently but seems hesitant about actually meeting. He has been polite and has not wanted any naughty pictures, webcams, or asked anything in return. Is he just a benevolent gentleman? Anyone else know anything about him? Should he be avoided?

She got several replies giving her advice. One of the replies she got was from Crystal and that got my attention! Crystal wrote:

First of all I would like to say I know Bob pretty well. He is a very sweet and genuine person. I have met him on several occasions and we get along great. Secondly, He isn't just a flirt or penpal type guy. He is a true gentleman. Last thing, Alice as far as advise for you...Just ask if he is still interested in seeing you? He is the kind of guy that will say yes or no pretty easily. I am a person that believes if you want to know something about someone ask them first, If you don't get what you want then move on to other avenues like this. If you feel he is putting you to the side or not giving you enough attention that you need then why do you want him as your sugardaddy? Just my thoughts.

Hmmmm... so Crystal knew Bob very well who was also interested in Alice. Did Crystal meet Bob before, after, or during the time she was seeing me?? Since I wasn't seeing Crystal anymore it really didn't matter, but I suspected there was a lot more than meets the eye and I was intrigued by the situation.

Coming up - the plot thickens!

"All SD's To Me Are Just Walking ATM's!"

2010-10-12T13:36:00.000-07:00

I almost fell out of my chair when I read that! After the initial introductory email, here's the email exchange I had a few years ago with a pot SB about meeting for dinner to get to know each other first. I'm not making this up!!

Me:
For our first meeting I think meeting for a nice dinner would be a good start. It's important to see that there is mutual attraction and chemistry and see how well we get along together. Then we can take it from there. What kind of food do you like and what are your favorite restaurants?

Her:
well...i hate to be blunt...but that's not really been my thing...i mean dinner's a little too intimate for me...i'll go to dinner though...but i expect to be compensated for my time....as this approach is somewhat new to me...chemistry has never been a problem....i mean, if i went to dinner with everyone that wanted to....i'd never find a real sugar daddy who understands my needs....and it's not just a free meal...so think about it...and u've seen my pics...so i think attraction is not a problem...but i'm definitely here for a sugar daddy....restaurant choice should u choose to partake is (name of a five star steakhouse).

[So she thinks attraction won't be a problem... but what if she doesn't look like her pics? And how does she know chemistry won't be a problem when we haven't even met in person?]

Me:
I understand where you're coming from. Of course you don't want to go to dinner with anyone who asks, you want to be selective. On the other hand, I don't want to pay someone just to have dinner with me. We both invest our time to see if there is a good match. And if money is the only thing you care about then obviously we're not a good match.

Her:
it is a sugar daddy site....but i've had it fulfilled before so i know it's not an impossible request...but i thank you anyway....i mean, if u dont think i'm here to get financial compensation...then i'm sorry if there was a misunderstanding....if u dont need to pay someone for anything....maybe this isnt the site for u....i just have a different approach when it comes to these things...well...have a blast here ....if u change your mind and realize what's money anyway....then u can email me and we'll meet....

[There's that old trick... "what's money anyway", implying that if you're a real SD then surely you don't mind throwing some money away. Ummm.. I don't think so!]

Me:
Perhaps you mis-understood what I was trying to say. Yes, we all know this is a SD site and we're here for a reason. I don't have any problem providing for my SB financially once we determine that we're a good match and have an arrangement. But if every potential SB I meet ask for money just to have lunch/dinner with me, how do I know which one is sincere and not just looking at me as a walking ATM?

I think it's fair that both men and women invest their time initially to find out whether the other person is right for them. You seem to assume that you're the right one already and are asking for compensation just to go to dinner. Think about how that comes across to a potential SD. Of course it's only money.... but if I want to throw it away I could do it at the casino! We do have different approaches and that's ok. Like I said we're probably not a good match anyway. Good luck!

Her:
yep...u'll be surprised how many have given me so much just to have dinner with me or grace them with my presence...all SD's to me are just walking ATM's....check my profile...i said it...nothing wrong with that....a walking ATM that gets to be with a goddess like me....

[Whoa, now she's showing her true color! Are you fucking kidding me??]

The Girl Who Pissed in the Alley - Part 1

2010-10-06T08:52:00.000-07:00

After an emotional story like "The Last Hurrah", I'll switch gears and tell a different kind of story. Please note the usual disclaimers apply.

During a business trip to Chicago I arranged to meet a pot SB for dinner. She was in her mid 20's, a cute slim blond who worked as a waitress and bartender. I asked her to pick a place to meet and she picked a nice restaurant in the Wicker Park area which she said is the SoHo of Chicago. Unfortunately I was tied up at work that evening and was going to be late for the dinner planned at 8:30pm. Sure enough, as I headed out I looked at my phone and saw several messages from her saying she's already there and where the hell was I.

I replied to let her know I'm running late but I'm on my way and she can go ahead and order whatever she wants. By the time I got there the place was empty and she was sitting at the bar chatting up a storm with the bartender. Apparently she's already had dinner and downed a bottle of wine, so I just ordered dessert and had a glass of dessert wine to go with it. Obviously after a bottle of wine in her slim body she's pretty lively and friendly and was ready to party. The bartender said after they close they usually hang out at Empire which is a cool bar and lounge. So we agreed to meet the bartender and her friends there later and then we walked down the block to a pub and had a beer and two shots. Then we walked across the street to Empire. The place was pretty dead but the music was good. We had two cocktails and two more shots and this is when I decided to stop drinking.

She seemed pretty smashed but had no problem with making out in the quiet corner of the lounge as we were tongue kissing and caressing each other's body. Then she was dancing by herself and chatting up anyone and everyone in the lounge and I tried to keep up with her to make sure she doesn't get into trouble. After a while the bartender and her friends showed up and I bought two rounds for them and of course she participated too. The bartender noticed that my date was looking shit faced and took her to the ladies room to try to sober her up, but I think she was beyond drunk and it didn't do much good. Then we left to go to another bar with live music to hang out and dance for a while without drinking. We were approached by another couple who invited us to go "party" at someone's house. I didn't get a good vibe from them so I passed. By now it's about 2am and I thought we should be heading out so I tried to get her to move along and she refused and wanted to party and drink some more.

Of course you can't really argue with a drunk and get her to do what she doesn't want to do. So I struggled for a while and finally got her out the door, then as we walked past the pub we were at earlier she insisted that she wanted to go in. I gave the bouncer a knowing look and he refused to let her in and she threw a fit. Then she went into the alley and tried to go in the side door. When that didn't work she got very upset and pulled downed her pants, squatted down, and started peeing in the middle of the alley!!

At this point, what should I have done?

A. Cut my losses and leave her in the alley. I don't need to make a bad night any worse.

B. Bring her to the pub and let her drink some more, since that's what she wanted anyway.

C. Take her to party with the other couple at someone's house. Who knows, it could be fun!

D. Take her back to her place and tuck her in. That's what a gentleman would do.

E. Something else?

To be continued....

The Last Hurrah - Epilogue

2010-10-04T08:04:00.000-07:00

We broke up for good after the big fight that ended in a train wreck. We stayed in touch occasionally to wish each other happy birthday and happy new year, but not much more. We had both moved on and it was for the best, because somehow we brought out the worst in each other. When it was good it was beyond great, but when it was bad it was down right explosive. I told her she reminded me so much of my college girlfriend, but who needs all that drama in a sugar relationship?

Fast forward a year and a half later, or about two years after we first met. I was back in her town for business and on a whim I thought I'd look her up. She was happy to hear from me and agreed to meet and catch up. I asked her where she'd like to meet, and instead of picking some fancy place she wanted to meet at a hole in the wall ice cream stand. Then I remembered that's where she took me to during one of our first dates when things couldn't be better between us and we couldn't get enough of each other!!

I was a bit apprehensive going into the meeting as if I was meeting her for the first time all over again. I wondered which Laine will show up. The manipulative conniving drama queen, or the easy going pretty girl next door? She showed up as planned and greeted me with a big smile and a big hug. She was just as I remembered when I first met her, very pretty in a girl next door kind of way, dressed casually with a tube top, jeans, and flip flops, witty and funny. And she knew exactly how to keep me on my toes and made fun of me every chance she got.

It was a beautiful afternoon and we spent about an hour talking nicely and enjoying the ice cream in the sun. She said after we broke up, her mom somehow found out about her escort activities and demanded that she go home and stay with her to keep her out of trouble (thank god for mom!). Then she returned to help out with decorating and managing her family's rental properties in the area. Sounds like she had put her wild days behind her and was back to "normal" again.

I can't help but wonder if I met her for the first time then, what would have happened? But there was too much water under the bridge and that ship had sailed. I knew behind that sweet face a darker past just lurks around the corner and who knows what else lies beneath the surface. But on that day, with the sun shining and a light breeze, we were able to enjoy the simple pleasure of eating ice cream and having an interesting conversation like two normal people.

We have seen each other at our worst, but it was nice to know that she can still be the girl I remembered when we first met. We hugged each other goodbye as the heart in the sand flashed before my eyes and "Goodbye My Lover" echoed in my head. That was the last time I saw her.

About a year ago she wrote on her Facebook that she was getting married.

The end. (really!!)

The Last Hurrah - Part 10

2010-10-01T07:34:00.000-07:00

Part 10 - The Train Wreck

We made it to dinner and the staff was very efficient so it went by very fast. Considering it's a fine dining establishment I almost felt like we were being rushed out the door, which was just fine by her because she said she has a "hot date" with her ex afterward. We talked about why she picked "Goodbye My Lover" as our song. Didn't she know the lyrics and how emotional the song was? She claimed that she only knew the chorus when she picked it, but agreed that the words were very appropriate to our situation. She said she will go get the photo CD and drop it off at my hotel later but who knows if she will actually do it or not. Soon it was time to drop me off at the hotel and I thought it would be nice to spend more time together so I invited her to come up and chat. But she would have none of it and actually got out of the car to take my luggage out of the trunk. Then I noticed that she left her cell phone on the driver's seat so I grabbed it and got out of the car and told her goodbye. I figured this was a good way to return the favor for stealing my camera.

Not long after I got to my room she called from the pink cell phone I gave her (it was a gift from our third meeting) to ask me if I've seen her other cell phone. I played dumb for a while and she got impatient and said she will go back to the restaurant to look for it and hang up on me. I sent her text messages to let her know that I have the phone and she should come get it but I guess she didn't check her messages. Then about an hour later she called again and this time I told her to come see me because I "found" her phone. I said she dropped it and I picked it up, and I was going to give it back to her but since she was in such a hurry to ditch me after dinner so that's why I didn't give it back to her. Of course she wasn't too pleased and I told her to bring the photo CD and negatives in exchange for her phone.

Soon she showed up and looked very agitated. She demanded for her phone and started to look all over the room for it. She figured out quickly that I had it locked in the closet safe and demanded that I open it. I told her to calm down and talk for a bit but then she started to go through my stuff and grabbed my wallet out of my brief case. Of course I can't let her take my wallet so I grabbed her arm to take it back. This is the second time we got into a bit of "rough play", and the first time was when we broke up after three months. By now I can see that she is extremely sensitive to it for whatever reason.

After I took my wallet back from her she basically lost it and screamed and shouted non stop for her phone. Finally I opened the safe to give her the phone, and she threw the CD and negatives on the floor and left in a huff. I asked her, "what's the matter, can't take a little joke?" Obviously she is much better at dishing it out than taking it. I also told her "it was nice knowing you" as she slammed the door on her way out. After that fracas she actually called me twice the next few days and we exchanged a few text messages. It turned out that she really wasn't moving and she expanded her weekend job to 3-4 days a week with 12 hour shifts. She was still active on sugardaddie.com but I noticed that her profile on seekingarrangement was not searchable anymore. I'm sure her "escorting" on the side continues, but who cares.

So despite my best intentions to breakup amicably during the Caribbean trip, we still end up having a big fight that resulted in a train wreck. It was similar to how we broke up the first time after three months. Will this ever end?

Coming up... The Epilogue

The Last Hurrah - Part 9

2010-09-29T06:59:00.000-07:00

Part 9 - The Stolen Camera

After the Caribbean trip I thought that would be the final chapter on Laine. But noooo... there would be a little more to it and why wasn't I surprised.

After I discovered that she stole my disposable camera I was pretty upset. But I decided not to do anything about it at the time and see what would happen. A week after our trip she sent me an email asking me to send her the pics, as if I still had the camera. I wrote back saying that she must be joking because she is the one that should send pics to me. We exchanged a few more emails and she finally admitted that she did steal the camera and offered to get the pictures developed then send the photo CD and negatives to me by mail.

I told her I'll be in town for business and we can meet for dinner and she can give it to me in person. She wasn't sure if she wanted to meet but finally agreed. Then we talked on the phone for the first time since the trip and we talked for almost two hours. As usual I don't know if I can believe everything she says. She said she is done with escorting on the side and will "retire". She has used the money she made to buy a new house and that's her investment. I reminded her that she still has the brokerage account I opened for her but she hasn't used it yet. She told me to go ahead and move some money from her bank account to the brokerage account to get a better return and I did that for her. It was an interesting conversation and it showed that we were still "connected" at some level and there was still some trust.

When I arrived to see her she came to pick me up at the airport like she has always done before. But I noticed that she was wearing a brand new outfit with a red Bebe top, designer jeans rolled up at the ankle, and a pair of red stiletto pumps to match her top. I guess all this must be from the shopping spree at Bebe that she mentioned her new SD took her to last time. In the car we talked some more and continued our conversation. She made no mention of any of the new guys and told me that she will be moving to start a new job next month. Whatever. It's just her normal randomness and for all I know she could be making it all up.

Then we talked about her outfit and she said facetiously that she wanted to look unattractive for me, and I said she is doing a very good job. I actually meant it, because even though her top looked sexy, her jeans and the rolled up look was not flattering on her. And the shoes… it's the first time I've seen her wearing four inch heels and she looked uncomfortable walking in them. Of course I didn't tell her all that, but she didn't like my reply and retorted by telling me that she has a hot date with her ex after we have dinner and she wanted to spend as little time with me as possible. What a nice way to rub it in my face! And on top of that she said she forgot to bring the photo CD which made me wonder what kind of games she is playing now.

Coming up... The Train Wreck

Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 7

2010-09-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

Part 7 - Where I am today

I'll take a break from writing "The Last Hurrah" and resume the "Evolution of a Sugardaddy" series.

After looking back to see how my approach has evolved, where does that leave me today? As I have mentioned before, during the first three years in the sugar world I got emotionally involved 3 times and 2 of those relationships lasted six months which I considered as "long term" at the time. The first one ended in blackmail (which I'll write more about in a future story titled "Seeking Long Term), the second one broke my heart in "Mixing Love and Sugar", and the third one ended in a train wreck in "The Last Hurrah".

After "The Last Hurrah" I was determined not to get emotionally involved again. I have been much happier ever since and my sugar relationships started to last a lot longer. Since then I had 3 sugar relationships that lasted 6 months which were long distance, and 3 more that lasted for more than a year that were local. In between there were several cases of one and done's or the arrangement fizzled out after a few meetings. I don't consider anything less than 3 months as a "relationship", it's more like an experiment that didn't work out. All of the arrangements were financially based instead of gifts/travel. I think I have finally found the key to success in the sugar world for my situation!

Currently I'm happy with the sugars I have and I'm not actively looking for more. Whenever my current sugar relationships come to an end (they all end eventually), I'll probably decide to take a break for a while. I appreciate those who have inquired about my current status and I'm flattered by those who have expressed interest to meet in person. For now I'd prefer to keep my privacy and keep a low profile, and share my experiences and learn from others through my blog and the SeekingArrangement blog.

In the next part I'll summarize the key lessons learned during my years of sugar experience. I can say I have finally put those lessons to good use and that's where I am today. I'm sure there are still new lessons to be learned and my approach will continue to evolve over time.

Coming up - lessons learned in the sugar world.

The Last Hurrah - Part 8

2010-09-23T10:18:00.000-07:00

Part 8 - "Goodbye My Lover"

After the waves washed away the heart in the sand, we went back to our room and started packing. She wanted to go back to town and buy some knock off name brand handbags for her friends and family. So we made a stop on the way to the airport for her to browse the street vendors one more time. It took a while for her to finally pick out what she wanted to get. She was especially happy with a black Chanel handbag and wallet she got for her mom, saying that she will put $1k cash in it and give it to her for Christmas. Only if her mom knew where the money came from! she also got a few tropical clothing items and got her hair braided.

By now we're cutting it close so we headed to the airport. While at the airport I told her there are a few shots left in the disposable camera and I'd like to take some shots before we get on the plane. It's a small airport and there is no jet bridge, so we actually have to go on the tarmac and take a stair to get on the plane. While we were out on the tarmac I took a picture of her in front of the plane with the mountains in the background. And then I asked another passenger to take a picture of us together. When he gave the camera back to me she tried to grab it but I took it from her and put it in my briefcase.

During the flight to Miami she slept for a bit, and when she woke up she asked me to send the pics to her when I get them developed. I told her I'll think about it. I also told her that I made a slideshow using the pics I took of her previously and I also have pics of some of the women I've been with. So naturally she wanted to see them. While looking through the pics she didn't say much other than that they are very pretty. Then I showed her the slide show made of her pics with captions of things she said to me in the past, set to the music of "And Then We Kiss" by Britney Spears which is one of her favorite songs. The slide show posed the question "Who is the real Laine?" and it went through a series of pics and captions that showed her as a "Sweet, caring, hard working girl next door", "Selfish, game playing, drama queen", and "Greedy, demanding, high priced escort." As she watched the slideshow I reminded her of the sweet things she used to say to me and the way things were in the beginning. She didn't show much reaction but I'm sure I got my point across.

After we got to Miami we hang out in the airline lounge to wait for our next flight. This is when she told me that she has picked "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt to be "our song". And she sang a couple of lines from the chorus "Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend". I didn't know the song so I didn't know what it was about, but thought it strange that she would pick a song with that title. She also said that it was good to have "closure" between us, which took me by surprise she would say things like that. Who needs "closure" when it's all about money? When it's time for me to board my flight, she walked me to the gate and we hugged and she kissed me on both cheeks and said goodbye, then walked away. And just like that she was out of my life. Or was she?

Well, she still gets the last laugh. After I got home I found two surprises. The first one is that she stole the disposable camera from my brief case. I'm not sure if she thought it was a harmless prank or there was something more sinister to it. That's why I have no pictures from the trip and I know I took some pretty good ones. The second surprise was the lyrics from the song which I have copied below. Why drew the heart in the sand and share such an emotional song with me on our last day?

She was playing games until the very end. That's just how she is, that's the real Laine.

The end?
-------------------------

"Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

I still get goose bumps and think of her every time I hear this song.

The Last Hurrah - Part 7

2010-09-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

Part 7 - The Heart in the Sand

As we continued "the talk", she explained that when I first met her I was at the right place at the right time. She just broke up with her long term SD/BF and started to work 6 days a week. She didn't have a lot of free time and I was willing to go visit her and work around her schedule. She didn't have that many people to talk to so that's why we spent all those hours on the phone. And I'd admit that in a way I did take advantage of the situation and I'm surprised at how long it lasted. But over time she became frustrated because she wasn't getting as much as what her escort friends were getting and she knew she could get more by dabbling as an escort. That blew up after three months when we broke up over a big fight because she thought by being so mean to me we'd both move on.

But to her surprise I came back to her, and she thought if she could continue to be mean to me and still get money from me, then why not. I knew going back to her like that was a mistake, and that's why she told me earlier that she treated me that way because I let her. So in a way it's my own doing and I have no one to blame but myself. I asked her if it was all a game from the beginning, and she said it didn't start out that way but things changed over time. Yeah, things changed, but I didn't.

After that long talk it seems that we were both relieved to get it off our chest. So I started my pussy eating routine again and... By now it was really late and we cuddled and slept in each other's arms knowing that it was our last night together.

On our final day things almost felt like it was back to the good old days. We both got things off our chest and laid it out in the open. Although I'm sure she hasn't told me everything and I didn't like what she had to say, I have heard enough to be content. After our morning routine of a romp in the sack followed by breakfast, we went to the beach one last time. As usual she was frolicking in the water and having a great time while I played along.

We almost got it on again but she wouldn't let me do it this time because there were too many people at the beach. After a while we both lied on the beach just letting the waves crashing into us and playing with the sand. This is when she drew a heart in the sand with our initials in it. I looked into her eyes and asked her why she did that, and before she could answer a wave came and washed it away. And just like that the "moment" was gone....

Coming up - "Goodbye my lover"

The Last Hurrah - Part 6

2010-09-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

Part 6 - The Talk

We spent the rest of the afternoon at the beach and I'd say that was the highlight of the trip. On the way back we had dinner at a restaurant by the dock and we talked some more before taking the ferry back. I can never be sure whether to take 100% of what she says seriously, but the conversations we had the rest of the day was probably a good indication of what type of person she had become. She asked me several times why I hate her so much, and I told her that after everything she had done to me it should be pretty obvious so she should stop asking. Then she said is it because she is a conniving bitch and I said that's pretty close.

She talked about her new approach to sugar relationship which is more like a stripper/escort approach. That is, to get the most out of a guy and then move on to the next one. Obviously she has gotten what she wanted out of me and she has moved on. She also talked about how to make the new guys fall for her so she can have them in the palm of her hands. I told her she is a "player" and you don't play with a player. And she is playing with fire so sooner or later she will get burned. She mentioned that she has to act "normal" around her new guys. I told her that she is not normal and she only "acts" normal, and that's one thing she is going to miss about me because she can be herself around me.

Prior to the trip she had talked about wanting to "re-negotiate" our arrangement so I asked what that was about. She said her goal is to get $2k a day from the guys that she sees because that's what her escort friends are getting. So surely she should be able get the same or more. I asked her if she has gotten that from anyone yet and she said no. She then said if her new guys can't pony up $2k a day for her then she will just move on. OK, keep digging for the gold! I told her that's another reason why I'm done seeing her, because to me a sugar relationship should be more than just how much money she gets by the hour or day.

By the time we got back to the hotel we were both exhausted so we cleaned up and took a nap until late in the evening. Once we woke up we started our "talk" again. I told her to be careful with what she is doing and who she is doing it with. I'm a nice guy and I'll get over what she did to me, but the next guy may not be so forgiving. I also mentioned some of the women I've been with recently to let her know that I'm moving on as well. And I gave her tips on where her new guys should be taking her, telling her about my past trips to various fun places. I think that opened her eyes a bit and let her know that I'm not as dumb and gullible to her games as it seemed.

I also told her that I kept a journal of our meetings and it certainly got her curiosity going. So I read to her what I wrote about her from the first few meetings. As I read it to her, I reminded her of how things used to be and how she came across to me which is nothing like she is now. She went from a sweet, caring, hard working girl-next-door, to a greedy, demanding, high priced escort and drama queen. She got a bit defensive and gave me her version of what happened in the early days.

Coming up - The Heart in the Sand

The Last Hurrah - Part 5

2010-09-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

Part 5 - Sex on the Beach

After three rounds of sex on the second day, I figured I'm finally getting what I want out of her so the trip wasn't a total loss after all. But quite frankly the sexual dynamics have changed. What used to feel like girlfriend sex, whether real or imagined, now feels more like escort sex. The difference is very subtle and the sex is still good, but it's not great and will never be again. Having said that, I woke up next morning horny as hell so I went under the sheets and started to kiss and lick her bottom and legs again and slowly worked my tongue towards her pussy. Since this is the one thing she said she likes about me, I figured I'll just keep at it for as long as I can. Soon she was fully awake dripping wet and ready to go...

After that we got dressed and went down stairs for a leisurely breakfast and talked about what we wanted to do for the day. She mentioned that she wanted to go para sailing, ride a wave runner, or snorkeling. I told her jokingly as long as she picks up the tab she can do whatever she wants and I'll go with her. She gave me a dirty look and then said she just wanted to do one of the three things so she is not that demanding. Then I said fine, we'll go snorkeling at a nearby island since it's the cheapest! LOL... Actually she had told her "munchkin" about the trip and he suggested that she should go snorkeling there because it's one of the most beautiful beaches in the world. I told her that's true since I've been there before, I also told her it's the third time I've been here. Then she was asking repeatedly who I was there with before, and I just gave her a knowing smile without saying anything.

We got dressed and took a taxi to the ferry around noon. It was a short 15-20 minute boat ride and we were enjoying the views along the way. When we got there I asked her if it was the most beautiful beach she's ever seen or what... pure white soft sandy beach, warm turquoise water, and a rock formation in the distance that is teeming with sea life. We got our snorkeling gears and spent a couple of hours swimming around the rock formation. We saw schools of bright fluorescent blue and yellow fishes and came upon thousands of silvery minnows gleaming in the water. It's quite a sight to see these little things swarm around you and suddenly change directions as a group. After all that time in the water I was tired and went back on the beach to rest. She seems to really enjoy being in the water and she stayed in it to play by herself for quite a while after snorkeling. Then I thought I'd join her so I grabbed the disposable camera and asked her to pose in various positions in the water and on the beach and took several shots. She looked very hot and she posed like she knew it!

After taking pictures I was carrying her in the shallow water walking from one end of the beach to another. As we got to the end of the beach there was a secluded area behind some rocks and we lied there and talked for a while and then got in the water again to play. One thing led to the other and she can feel my hard on pressing against her pelvis as she put her arms around my neck and wrapped her legs around my waist. Just as we were about to get it on she noticed the life guard walking towards us so we played it cool until he went away. I guess he just wanted to make sure that we weren't doing anything we were not supposed to do. Anyway, she wrapped her legs around me again and.... Doing it in salt waster wasn't the most comfortable nor the most pleasant, but it sure was thrilling and got our adrenaline going. Carrying her in the water and fucking her at the same time took some coordination on my part, but soon we got into a rhythm and we were both enjoying this little escapade in paradise... and then we both lied down on the beach to catch our breath.

Coming up - The Talk.

The Last Hurrah - Part 4

2010-09-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

Part 4 - The Munchkin

One thing that pissed her off about the munchkin was that he was taking her to dinner to meet some friends, and he was going to buy the same exact dress for her to wear as for another girl he took to dinner to meet the same friends the week before. I just laughed and told her to get used to being one of many. I also said that's one of the reasons why I'm done seeing her because I don't want to be one of many. Some guys might be ok with that, but I'm not. She said she started to drink because of him, he likes to order lots of expensive wine and drinks every time they go out so she might as well take advantage of it. I told her she is turning into a lush! LOL...

Then I asked her why she calls him "munchkin" and she didn't really want to say, but finally blurted out that he is much older than her and short and round like a munchkin. I told her nobody will ever mistaken them for boyfriends and girlfriends like when I'm with her, and she is clearly a "paid companion" when she is with him. Ok... so her love of money is stronger than I expected but why am I not surprised.

After listening to her complaining about the munchkin we decided to go back to the room to clean up and get ready to go into town. We took a shower together and I told her we hadn't done that in months, and other than sex it was the most sensual thing we did together during the trip. After the shower I got her on the bed, spread her legs and started to eat her pussy and suck her clit. It's been a while since I made her cum with oral and I was determined to do it again since she told me I was the only one that could.

She was clearly enjoying what I was doing and started to moan softly and held my hands tight. After a while I quickened the pace and put my fingers in her to rub the g-spot and she started to gyrate her hips up and down and from side to side. I kept pace with her gyration and I can feel her pussy start to tighten around my fingers and it didn't take long for her to shudder uncontrollably, squeezed her legs tight around my head and begged me to stop. Then she said this is the one thing that she is going to miss about me. I guess I'll take that as a compliment! After that she returnd the favor and took good care of me and made sure my needs were met.

After we rested for a while we took a hotel boat into town. The town is famous for its duty free shopping, but as we walked around she wasn't all that interested in the fancy jewelry and designer clothing shops. She was actually more interested in the street vendors under the tents selling knock off name brand handbags. She took a lot of time going through each stand and figuring out what she wants to get for her family and friends. After a couple hours of browsing she didn't end up buying anything so we went back to the hotel and took a nap. After the nap we went down stairs to have dinner at the restaurant by the pool. She did her hair and make up and looked stunning even though she wasn't dressed up.

During dinner we talked about her exploits again and this time I was trying to explain why I thought what she did when she came to see me was so evil. After some back and forth I think she was able to see my point of view but she didn't apologize. Anyway, we had a nice dinner and then took a walk along the beach under the stars holding hands and dipping our toes in the water. As we held each other tight and looking up at the stars I thought this is supposed to be the stuff dreams are made of, but now I know it's just an illusion.

Back in the room I undressed her and got her in a 69 position with her on top. This went on for a while and I was able to bring her close several times but she couldn't quite get to the big "O". So she told me to fuck her and I proceeded to do it in multiple positions. After that I sensed she was not quite done yet, so I started to eat her pussy again and this time was able to bring her to the big "O" quickly and it was much more intense than earlier. After we cleaned up we crashed on the bed in each other's arms. So consider how the first night ended, the second day went much better. The sex was good but not as great as it used to be, and it will ever be the same again.

Coming up - sex on the beach!

The Last Hurrah - Part 3

2010-09-13T07:15:00.000-07:00

Part 3 - A New Day

I wasn't expecting much on the second day after we ended up sleeping separately the night before. Even though I was tired I didn't sleep very well. She was all covered up and didn't move much and was quiet through the night sleeping on the lounge chair. I got up before sunrise and went out on the balcony to enjoy the view. Our room overlooks the Caribbean and the harbor where cruise ships dock. As the sun came up the view was spectacular and I enjoyed my moment of solitude in paradise.

Then I thought, despite what happened so far I'm going to make the best of it and get what I can out of her. So I went back in the room to wake her up by removing her cover and squeezing myself on the lounge chair with her. She slept in the nude but told me to go away, so I just started to kiss and lick her bottom and legs. After a while I got her warmed up pretty good and ready to go. But then she said we're not having sex because we're enemies. To which I replied "it's just business, don't take it personal." That's a line she used on me before so I'm just returning the favor. Finally she relented and I took out a bottle of lube to get started. She took a look at it and said this thing is already opened and what did I use it for. I just gave her a knowing wink and left it at that. Anyway, the sex was very satisfying and I can see why she had no problem getting top dollars doing her "escorting" on the side.

After that we got dressed and got ready to have breakfast on the terrace that overlooks the harbor. But as we went through our luggage we discovered that the Chanel sunglasses I got her was stolen, and my digital camera was missing. I guess the luggage screeners swiped the most expensive things from our luggage! Undaunted, we went down to the gift shop to get her new sunglasses and I got a disposable camera to take pictures (more about the camera later).

When we got to breakfast two cruise ships have arrived and it was quite a sight in the harbor. We enjoyed the food and the view leisurely and then headed to the beach. She was very playful in the water, pretending to be a mermaid and singing songs from the movie Little Mermaid. I think she really enjoys the water and the sand and was having a great time. On the beach she told me to dig a hole for her and cover her up in the sand with only her head sticking out. I did that and then used the sand to make two huge boobs to put on top of her and left her there. It was hilarious to look at and people walking by were doing double takes, and of course I took a few pictures.

By now the sun was getting very strong so we decided to retreat to the pool and hang out under the shade. She wanted something to drink so I got her a daiquiri from the bar and asked her when did she start drinking because she rarely drank when she was with me. This is when she told me a lot more about her "new guy" who she nicknamed the "munchkin". They first met when he was in her town for business and spent an overnight together. The second time was a week before our Caribbean trip when he flew her out to LA for 2 nights.

From what she said this guy is clearly loaded. He stayed at the most expensive hotels and the hotel bathrobe had his monogram on it. He sends her a car service to take her to/from the airport. In addition to the cash she also got gifts and went shopping. He flew her first class and in LA they stayed at the villas in the Peninsula which is not too shabby. But clearly she is just one of many girls he sees but it doesn't bother her as long as the money was right. He even showed her pics of other girls he was seeing and asked her about being exclusive. So she was trying to figure out a good number to ask for to be exclusive. I told her it won't matter what she comes up with because she is not going to be exclusive with anyone for any price. That's just not in her.

Coming up, more about the munchkin.

The Last Hurrah - Part 2

2010-09-10T07:30:00.000-07:00

Part 2 - Being Evil

When we finally got to our destination we were both exhausted. We stayed at a posh resort on a cliff that overlooks the Caribbean and I got a suite on the top floor with a balcony. We couldn't see much at night but I knew the views would be breathtaking during the day. She wasted no time getting into her bikinis wanting to go check out the beach in the dark. So off we went and played in the water late at night when no one else was around. We were really enjoying ourselves on the secluded beach and floating in the warm water looking up at the stars above. It was very romantic and we held hands and held each other tight. After a while we decided to go to the pool and eventually ended up at the hot tub. This is where we picked up our conversation again about her exploits and things took a turn for the worse.

We talked about the guy she met in the same city as me and she came clean about what happened. She came to visit me twice and both times she insisted on buying her own airline ticket. When she bought her own ticket I usually make up for it by shopping and gifts. After the first visit I was surprised that she wanted to come back again two weeks later. I even offered to visit her instead but she insisted that she will come see me. But this time right before the trip she asked me to send her money to help pay for the ticket. Actually it was more like a threat as in she won't come if I didn't send her the money even though she was the one that insisted to come see me in the first place. Anyway, I sent her the money because she said she bought the ticket last minute and it was going to cost more than normal.

When she arrived she said she packed in a hurry and just threw in a bunch a stuff in her luggage which was probably more than she needs. Hmmmm, ok. On the morning of her departure she spent quite some time putting on make up and doing her hair which I thought was odd for that early in the morning. When I took her to the airport she told me not to come in. But I insisted and walked her into the terminal, then she got very upset so I just left. I'm sure you know where I'm going with this. On that trip she met another guy for money after I dropped her off at the airport! He didn't want to pay for her ticket so she tricked me into paying for it. How low was that?

But that's not the worst part. The worst part was that she didn't see nothing wrong with what she did. She said if I paid for the ticket for her to come out, what difference does it make that she ended up staying an extra day with another guy for money (as if, what's the big deal if I wasn't the one getting sloppy seconds?). At this point I've had enough and told her to fuck off and called her "evil". Then I got out of the hot tub to walk back to the room. Not wanting to be locked out, she followed me closely back to the room. I took a shower and when I came out she had a made a bed out of the lounge chair and covered herself up under a blanket. Without saying a word I went to sleep on the bed thinking what the fuck am I doing here. What a way to start the trip!!

Coming up, Part 3 - A New Day

The Last Hurrah - Part 1

2010-09-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

Part 1 - An Ominous Beginning

I called the Caribbean trip our grand finale, "Laine" (not her real name) called it our Last Hurrah. Whatever it's called, it was a trip to be remembered.

Prior to the trip she had never missed a flight or a meeting in six months, but I guess there is a first time for everything. I talked to her the night of her departure for about an hour while she was packing and we hung up about two hours before her redeye flight to meet me. At around 2am she called to tell me that she is cutting it too close, she just parked her car and waiting for the shuttle to the terminal. About 15 minutes later I got the bad news, the check-in counter was officially closed and they wouldn't let her on the flight.

She offered to give me a "refund" and not go on the trip, but I had put too much money and effort into it to just give up. I told her to go home and I'll call her back with our options. After spending some time with the airline on the phone, I was able to rebook her for a morning flight to Miami and I changed my flights to meet her there. We'll still get to the destination on the same day but 7 hours later than planned at 10pm instead of 3pm. Needless to say I didn't get any sleep at all because I had my flight to catch early in the morning and I had to wait four hours for her to arrive in Miami.

By the time she arrived in Miami I wasn't in the best of mood for many reasons. We talked but she can sense that I was kind of cold and distant. But once we got on the flight to San Juan she was being her usual self, playful and funny, and we had some enjoyable moments. But as always we went from enjoying each other's company to being at each other's throat in no time. By the time we got to San Juan and waiting for the next flight we weren't talking again.

My original plan was to play dumb for a few days and then confront her on the last day with all the games she played on me in the past. But it didn't quite work out that way. Prior to the trip we had talked only twice on the phone in two weeks which was far less often than how things used to be. She mentioned the week before the trip she was going to be busy because there were several guys wanting to see her. To make a long story short, on our way there she told me about several more guys that she was seeing for money, including someone in the same city as me and her "new guy" which is her new SD that appeared to be loaded (more about both of them later).

Basically the extent of her "escorting" on the side was far greater than I could have imagined. She had gone from a hard working person who worked six days a week, to quitting her day job to spend more time on "escorting". Clearly she wasn't the same person I met six months ago. I originally found her on sugardaddie.com, but now she has a profile on a site called "SeekingArrangement" and that's where she met her new SD. Apparently her escort friends told her about it and they're all having a lot of luck with that site. I had already found her profile there so it wasn't a big surprise to me.

Coming up, being evil...

The Last Hurrah - Prolog

2010-09-07T08:59:00.000-07:00

When you read "The Last Hurrah" it will feel like watching the end of a soap opera without knowing how it started and what had happened over time. The story is about how I broke up with a former SB during a trip to the Caribbean after a drama filled six month relationship.

Did I know it was going to be "The Last Hurrah" before the trip? Yes we knew and we mutually agreed to end it this way. I prefer to go out on top instead of breaking up after a big fight, but it still ended in a train wreck anyway. The truth is, prior to the trip I found out more about her games through old fashioned sleuth work. And I totally underestimated the lies and deception that went on. I can't say that I was shocked because there were plenty of clues and in some ways it merely re-enforced what I suspected and what I already knew.

But I was in denial until the very end.

In this particular case, my former SB used "sex" to play many mind games with me to her advantage. Leaving out the sexual content in the context of the story would be like telling only half the story. So this is a story of sex, lies, deception, and betrayal. Stop reading now if you are offended by tmi, sexual content, adult situation, and strong language. Keep in mind the usual disclaimers apply. I will do my best to keep things in good taste but I know it will not please everyone.

Maybe someday I'll go back and fill in the blanks and make this a complete story from beginning to end. But for now I hope you'll enjoy reading "The Last Hurrah".

Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 6

2010-09-03T07:37:00.000-07:00

Part 6 - Getting emotionally involved for the last time

The story of "Mixing Love and Sugar" set me back emotionally for quite a while but eventually I got over it and moved on. But it still didn't prepare me for what happened a year later. My second "long term" SB was in her mid twenty's at the time and it was a long distance relationship. We met about twice a month for six months. During the first three months it was a combination of allowance and gifts, but after that she became more interested in having a steady allowance so for the next three months I went to an allowance only arrangement. It was the first time that I provided an on-going allowance and it marked a turning point in my thinking as I gradually went away from the gift/travel aspect and focused more on allowance only.

After a great start where she behaved more like a caring and loving girlfriend who was genuinely interested in me as a person, the relationship became full of drama and spiraled out of control and I had to end it during a trip to the Caribbean. She turned out to be a conniving, manipulative drama queen and an escort wannabe who was looking for the highest bidder. Why I didn't see the train wreck coming was beyond me, and I should have heeded the advice of others and ended it sooner. I'll write about the story of our breakup titled "The Last Hurrah" next.

Another turning point in my thinking was that I completely gave up on the "emotional involvement" aspect of being a SD. I was not very good at making things last long term at the time (ie more than 6 months) nor being able to handle the emotional attachment when it develops. So why make it harder on myself and be miserable when I should just focus on having fun and enjoy the NSA aspect of a sugar relationship.

At about this time sugar dating started to become part of popular culture with plenty of exposure in the main stream media. And the popularity of sugardaddy dating sites increased dramatically with a huge number of new members signing up every day. As a result, I stopped searching all over the country and fly in potential SB's for a first meeting because of the costs and risks involved as I have explained previously. Instead, I focused on searching locally and at the places I travel to regularly for business. With an abundance of new pot SB's available I had to narrow my demographic criteria to make the search more manageable. Then as sugardaddie.com evolved into more of a regular dating site, I transitioned to seekingarrangement.com when it came on the scene and it would eventually become my primary source to search for pot SB's.

Coming up - Where I am today

Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 9

2010-09-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

Part 9 - Life Goes On

"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." That's how I felt when I finally pieced together all the information I had and got to the bottom of the rabbit hole. Although I felt liberated and motivated to move on, I can't help but think about how the experience has affected me as a person and the way I approached my next sugar relationship.

I appreciated all the support, opinion, and advice I received from several SD/SB "friends". Of course they all told me to put her out of my mind and move on. But it wasn't that simple. She, or more accurately the idea of her, was still on my mind subconsciously. I found myself comparing every pot SB I met to her since I still had a picture of her as the prefect SB in my mind.

This of course was unfair to the pot SB's I met and unfair to myself because the person I thought I knew never really existed.

One of my SD friends asked me some probing questions. "Had you known she was doing this, would you have felt the same way about her?" Well, of course not. Had I known that it was all a game to her, I would have played along and never fell for her. "If you had found out what's really going on, would that have changed the outcome?" Probably not, because the outcome wasn't really in my control.

She was playing her game and I was just a piece of the puzzle or a bump on the road to her.

Then he had some words of wisdom for me. He said that I needed to change my opinion of her because the perfect image that I created in my mind never existed. I need to see her as who she really was, a ruthless "player" who used and manipulated men for her own goals. She was seeing three SD's at the same time and made each one believe that he was the only one for her and made them fall for her. She was a habitual liar and concocted an elaborate alternate reality for those around her. She was incapable of telling the truth to deal with reality.

She had some real issues that she needed to deal with herself.

Until I truly get over her, I will not find what I was looking for because I was focused on the shortcomings of the pot SB's I met and comparing them to someone who doesn't exist. Instead, I should focus on the strengths and weaknesses of the pot SBs and evaluate them on their own merit. Those words of wisdom may sound like common sense, but it was a revelation for me at the time. Even though I thought I had moved on by finding out the truth, the fact is that I hadn't. I still had happy memories of my time together with her and the sweet things she said to me.

I finally had to find a way to look deep within myself and admit those memories don't really exist.

In the mean time, life goes on.

The end.

Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 8

2010-08-29T19:54:00.000-07:00

Part 8 - Going down the rabbit hole

What she told me about her work, trips, and the situation with her husband were not true. She was not new to the site and it was not the first time she has done this. I was still not clear of her motives, but she seems to enjoy making men fall for her and then move on, while having the security of a husband to go back to.

Well, her "work", as it turned out, was with a local SD who was in the financial field. It started at the beginning of that year when she used a different profile. The trips to NY and LA were with him and apparently he fell for her as well. When she contacted me her relationship with him was coming to an end unbeknown to him.

After our trip to Seattle she got in contact with another SD, and the Vegas trip was with him. After our trip to Chicago she made up the story about her husband finding out to get rid of me and moved on to the new SD. In the mean time her husband was probably still in the dark and having an affair of his own. Actually I kind of felt sorry for her poor husband if there really was one. Whoever she moved on with was in for a big surprise if the pattern continues.

I had found out a lot of this on my own, but the break through came when I met a pot SB and told her briefly about my heartbreaking story. To my surprise, she said she had met a pot SD who told her a very similar story!! It didn't take long before I put the pieces together and got in touch with the first SD, and we both decided to compare notes and went down the rabbit hole to see where it leads. Her first SD was a lot older than her, and apparently he was a lot more generous to her financially. Was she only with him for his money? Did I happen to be her Mr Big? Why did she ditch both of us and moved on to the third SD?

She played me like a fool and I didn't even know it at the time. Falling for her was clearly not a smart thing to do, but she seemed to enjoy the game of making men fall for her and then move on. Now that she has done this more than once, she knows with her beauty and charm she can seek out any man she wants and make him give her whatever she wants, emotionally and financially. And lots of men will gladly trip over each other to be with her without knowing what's coming.

The truth has set me free. Or has it? How will the experience affect me as a person and as a SD? How will it affect the way I approach my next sugar relationship?

Coming up, the conclusion... life goes on.

Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 7

2010-08-26T06:16:00.000-07:00

Part 7 - What Really Happened?

The last email from her caught me completely off guard. I can't believe how someone so close to me just a few weeks ago could become so cold and heartless so quickly. I had more questions than answers. But instead of moving on, I was determined to go down the rabbit hole to find the pieces and figure out what might have really happened.

As I mentioned before, there were things she told me about herself and her work that didn't seem quite right. But I chose to ignore them and enjoyed our time together instead. Now I need to retrace the steps and see what warning signs I might have missed.

When I asked her about her work in the beginning, this was her response:

"I am looking for someone who is successful and can potentially travel with me. I do part-time consulting for an organization that holds seminars and conferences around the nation. For this reason I usually end up traveling at least once or twice a month. This aspect would make it easy for me to get away without my husband thinking twice about my reasons for being gone."

When I talked to her more about her work, she said the conferences are in the financial field and she works for an older couple that owns the business but mainly with the lady. She described her work as administrative and like a personal assistant to the older lady. She found this job at the beginning of the year and she traveled to NY and LA for work before she met me. When I asked about her travels she said she flies first class and stays at five star hotels. Sounds like a pretty good job! When I asked her if I can join her during one of her business trips, she said it's not a good idea because she spends a lot time with her boss at dinners and social functions. This is contrary to what she said about looking for someone who can travel with her. She continued to use her "work" as an excuse with her husband when she was meeting with me.

She also told me about a trip she took to Vegas a couple of weeks before we went to Chicago. It was supposed to be a fun trip with her girlfriends. She mentioned that she had won a jackpot and bought herself a very expensive watch with it. Lucky her! She showed me the watch and it was very nice.

When she first wrote to me I was surprised that she was very savvy about meeting people from the internet even though she said she was new to it. In fact she wrote to me the same day she created her profile. And yet she seemed to already know there are many scammers, flakes, and time wasters to sort through on that site.

After weeks of reflection, putting together the pieces, talking to other SD/SB's, and some old fashioned sleuth work, I think I have finally figured out what really happened. It actually feels liberating to finally know the truth, it's a way for me to find closure on my own and move on.

Coming up - Going down the rabbit hole

Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 6

2010-08-24T07:46:00.000-07:00

Part 6 - What's wrong with this picture?

I read her letter many times and reflected on the great times we had. It was a thoughtful letter with lots of details and she clearly wanted to end things on good terms. I wrote back to her to express my disappointment and sadness, and to let her know that I respected her decision. But I didn't get a response from her which is not unexpected, even though she said she wants to hear back from me and stay in touch.

I should have taken everything at face value and moved on because it's for the best, right?

But then I noticed that she was back on the site for several days in a row. Why would she do that if she is really trying to make things work with her husband? Also, I'd have expected that her husband would have closed her email account and changed her number, but they seem to work fine. Sensing there might be something wrong with this picture, I emailed and called her several times to seek an explanation so I can have some closure, but they were all ignored.

Then a few days later I got this little gem from her by email:

I have been careful to not share too much with you about my life, my job, etc. In a relationship such as we had, it is difficult to know where it will lead and what will happen. I have had a history with "stalker" type personalities and my mother has always taught me not to share too much information with someone you have not known for long.

My husband is well aware of you and your recent emails and calls to me. I have nothing to hide and my husband and I are very concerned with the behavior and persistence you have shown in your recent emails and phone calls. We do not want to have to pursue a restraining order if your emails and phone calls continue to be persistent and threatening in nature. I have informed you that I no longer care to see you and we really wish that you could accept that and move on peacefully with no further contact attempts.

My husband and I are in this together and anything you share with me from this point forward (emails and voicemails) will be viewed and shared with my husband. I hope that we can part on good terms and that you can be respectful of the situation and the conclusion of our "relationship".

OUCH!! Put that dagger through my heart!

I suppose my attempts to contact her could be perceived as threatening... but to pursue a restraining order?? And parting on good terms meant concluding our "relationship" with no further contact attempts?? I was completely shocked that someone so close to me just a few weeks ago could become so cold and heartless so quickly. I thought I have been around long enough but I was still completely blindsided by the turn of events.

Then I was thinking.... could she have made up the whole thing with her husband finding out just to get rid of me? Did she have an affair with me because she suspected that her husband was having one too, and I happen to be the one she came across? Why did she do this to me? Why say all the right things and then break my heart? Was any of it for real??????

I had more questions than answers and I was completely at a loss as to what might have really happened.

Coming up, what really happened?

Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 5

2010-08-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

Part 5 - The Dear John Letter

After I got back from Chicago I couldn't be any happier and I was really looking forward to our next trip to the Caribbean. Then she dropped a bomb on me three days after we said our goodbyes in Chicago.

She sent me a "Dear John" letter to let me know that her husband found out about the affair. Even though she said she is not in a happy marriage, they decided to reconcile and make it work. She won't be able to see me or contact me anymore because her husband will keep a close eye on her activities such as her email and cell phone calls. Keep in mind that she had told me this is the second affair she had in her marriage, and the first started shortly after she got married. She said she found out her husband was also having an affair when she was seeing me. I can't believe they would want to stay together and make the effort given the history of their infidelity.

For a few days my head was in a fog and I couldn't eat or sleep. I felt disappointed, sad, upset, angry, and hurt. I can't believe how something so wonderful could have ended so suddenly. But even though she broke my heart, I thought it might be for the best and I should respect her decision and support her effort to make her marriage work.

Here are excerpts from her "Dear John" letter:

To make a long story short....... hubby got home early while I was still out, jumped on the computer to check his e-mails AND found my email account. So you can imagine how horrible it was when I got home. Fortunately he did not have much time to read my emails from you..... but he now knows about Chicago, Seattle, and my next trip with you!!!!

So in a nut shell, last night was filled with tears, anger, sadness, yelling, arguing, and then finally some rational talk at the end. He admitted to me that he had begun seeing someone. Apparently, they have been sexually active and dating for the past 3.5 months! Not a complete shock to me, but definitely hard to take.

Once we were able to rationally speak to one another we actually had a good talk. We discussed separation, but to be honest with you, we both get very sad at the idea of parting ways. We determined that we would give this marriage a whole-hearted shot and try to work things out. This of course is sad for me, because I know that it means no longer speaking with you. This is very hard for me to do, but I know that my husband deserves one last perfect attempt at saving our marriage. I'm sure this is all coming as a shock to you, but I believe it is what I want to try to do. We are both a little crazy for trying to give this another shot, but I think it is worth a try."

I hope that you can understand my decision to give my marriage a devoted attempt. I cannot begin to tell you how much I have enjoyed our time together and the way you made me feel. If the circumstances were different, I would love to explore where our relationship would go. I hope this does not come as a complete shock to you, although I'm sure it is not the e-mail message you wanted to receive in your inbox. I changed my e-mail password, so hopefully I can at least communicate with you via e-mail and get your feedback."

I am nervous to hear back from you...... but I hope that you can respect the direction my situation is headed in. We plan on attending a couples retreat for marriage counseling. Thank you for all the joys you have given me. If this last attempt with my husband does not work out, you will be the first one to know.

Keep smiling and keep in touch, ok?

Love,

Coming up - What's wrong with this picture?

Yet Another SB Horror Story - Part 3

2010-08-17T19:50:00.000-07:00

5. The empty envelope

"He yelled at me..and said I should stop the whining. He had invested lots of money in this trip,the resort..my meals and he wasnt whining. That he was a good person, that I should be grateful if anything."

He may have come with high expectations and then became upset at how much time and money he had spent only to be disappointed. The ipad and lingerie was only a small part of his total expenditure. Even so, he should have acted as a gentleman and ended the meeting amicably. For whatever reason he chose to vent his frustration on her and that is inexcusable.

Note to all SD's, please don't be part of a SB's horror story!! Even if things don't turn out as expected for whatever reason, be a gentleman and treat her with respect.

"I had not one single penny in my pcoket. He told me all my expenses were to be covered and that I shouldnt worry about bringing money. I dont have a credit card, so I had nothing with me."

"I realized I had not even money for airport tax nor my ticket to fly back home."

Sigh... she should not have put herself in that situation in the first place. Having your own money in case of an emergency is just common sense. But I don't understand the problem with $3 airport tax. If the ticket was already paid for, then the tax should be included.

"I found an empty sealed envelope by my bag. Which meant there was no money..no financial retribution for all these 10 days. He had fucked me in exchange for fancy meals at a resort."

What was supposed to be in the envelope? Was there an agreement for cash compensation in addition to the ipad/lingerie that she didn't get? Perhaps the empty envelope is emblematic of the situation, that the expectations on both sides weren't clearly communicated and agreed to prior to the trip.

I still can't believe anyone would plan a first meeting to last 10 days!! How crazy is that?? It was doomed to fail from the beginning despite the best intentions and efforts of the people involved. Add on top of that the lack of sexual chemistry and failure to honestly communicate and you have the recipe for yet another SB horror story.

The end.

Yet Another SB Horror Story - Part 2

2010-08-16T22:05:00.000-07:00

3. Everything was NOT ok.

"He stayed in my city for 2 days, he seemed pretty happy...he was sweet,caring, couldnt keep his hands to himself... all these activities he joined as well...and he had an awesome time"

She wrote about her impression of him, but what was his impression of her?? Despite her saying that he was seemingly happy, his behavior was in stark contrast to what she described.

"I did ask if everything was all right, if he was happy,if I had met all his expectations. He said yes."

Well, obviously he lied. But why?

"and reminded him that since we had agreed in no talking about a financial agreement but for him to leave me a sealed envelope by my night table, to honor the end of our deal. At this point, everything seemed normal to me."

Unfortunately this was a recurring theme. She thought everything was normal and he was happy, when in reality that was not the case. Clearly, everything was NOT ok despite all of her efforts to please him.

4. What's sex got to do with it?

"To my surprise he went to his room..and asked me to stay in mine"

This is not the action of a man who would say "you are such a good lover," "if anyone has to feel lucky about all this experience is me." His action speaks louder than words, so she shouldn't have let his words mislead her.

"Yes...we had sex on the day we met. Now that I think about it...I cant remember if he did finish or not...weird~"

"I had tried to give him a BJ and he had some trouble lasting on it...even though I had pulled every trick I knew"

"I slipped into his room and we attempted to have sex. I started on a BJ again...he was ready...but...again....he failed to finish. We snuggled and he said it was fine...he had enjoyed it, even when no finishing act. I tried all the moves..every trick I knew...everything!"

It's obvious the sex wasn't good, and I'm not sure why. It appears that it certainly wasn't due to a lack of effort on her part. Perhaps it was her lack of experience, or maybe he had some physical limitations. Ultimately, maybe sex had everything to do with how things turned out.

Coming up - Part 3, the empty envelope

Yet Another SB Horror Story - Part 1

2010-08-15T22:52:00.000-07:00

I came across Caribbean Princess's blog over the weekend and I was shocked to see her horror story about a meeting with pot SD gone bad. You can see her story here and here.

Instead of feeling shock and anger at what happened and calling her pot all sorts of names, my initial reaction was different from most of the comments to her story. There are plenty of horror stories like hers in the blogs, and there are lots of travel safety tips available (for example, see here and here), and yet it still happened despite all the experienced SD/SB friends she had. I just don't get it. I'm in no way condoning what happened to her. I'm shocked at why it had to happen in the first place!

She made some rookie mistakes that were avoidable as others have pointed out, and of course there is no excuse for what he did. I thought I'd provide an analysis based on what she wrote to explore different aspects of the situation. I don't have as much history and background about her as others, and I'm analyzing the situation with the benefit of hindsight, but I hope this is still useful.

1. Why such a long first meeting?

I understood the premise of the first meeting is for him to travel a long distance to visit her and spend a couple of days in her city, and then travel together to an island resort for a few days. Here's what I wrote about first meetings in "Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 3"

I've seen many blog stories about first meetings that were planned to last several days, but then it usually ends up in disappointment. To spend that much time with someone you're meeting for the first time is usually not a good idea because too many things can go wrong. It can also cause expectations and pressure to develop and make the situation uncomfortable. What if the person is not as advertised in the profile or the chemistry isn't there? It's not uncommon to think everything will go well before a first meeting only to find out that's not the case.

So the obvious problem is that the first meeting is way too long. A more prudent approach would be to meet only in her city and not travel to somewhere else. With a long and elaborate first meeting it means that the pot SD has invested a lot of time and money in this trip in addition to the gifts/allowance, which may cause his expectations to become unrealistic no matter what she did. Another problem is that even if the first meeting went well, the longer term prospect is questionable at best due to the distance involved. Did they discuss what might happen beyond the first meeting? Is it realistic to think that it could become an on-going relationship despite the distance?

2. Early warning signs.

"he said he was having second thoughts about spending his last evening in my city,and perhaps he could take a flight straight from the island to Miami."

It's not a good sign when he was already thinking about an early exit. Despite how well she thought the meeting was going, it implies that something didn't meet his expectations (was it about her physical appearance, personality, sex, or something else?).

"He did asked me to stop asking him if he was having a good time,to just relax and have fun. I just had an odd feeling but I couldnt point what was going on."

It appears that for whatever reason she was getting on his nerves during the trip (maybe she was trying too hard to please?), he couldn't take it anymore and finally had to tell her. This may have kept on building during the rest of the trip to the point where he started to act irrationally.

Coming up in Part 2 - "Everything was NOT ok", and "What's sex got to do with it?

Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 4

2010-08-13T08:19:00.000-07:00

Part 4 - Feeling like the King of the World

After Seattle, our next meeting was planned for Chicago in a few weeks. In the mean time we continued to keep in touch by emails and occasional phone calls. I started to become a little skeptical of some of the things she told me about herself and her work but I didn't think too much of it at the time. I thought about questioning her in Chicago but then I decided not to rock the boat and just enjoy the trip instead.

Before the trip we talked about getting a couples massage at the spa, and she half jokingly hinted our future together:

"Looking forward to the couples massage. It will be great to experience that with you. We will have to agree on a story for the massage therapist about the two of us - shall we say we are married (to one another that is) - LOL!"

We met again in Chicago and it was every bit as enjoyable as Seattle, maybe even more so. A corner suite at a boutique hotel overlooking the river with a jacuzzi tub for two and huge window box seats. Imagine relaxing in the tub after a long day and then one thing led to another... or making love in the middle of the night in the window box seat without a care of who else might be watching. A day of shopping along Michigan Avenue with much time spent at La Perla getting that perfect evening wear and everything underneath. A couples massage at the Spa Space where the masseuse showed us how to practice massage on each other, which we put to good use many times during the trip.

Dinner at the Signature Room with a panoramic view of the entire city below us. Dinner cruise on Lake Michigan with spectacular fireworks at Navy Pier. Walks in the Millennium Park along the lake. Not to mention the amazing sex and pillow talks about a future together and saying "I love you" to each other. For a few days I felt like I was the king of the world! I can still picture her on the deck of the dinner cruise ship with a colorful sunset and city skyline in the background. She was stunningly beautiful and the entire scene was so breathtaking. It's an image I'll carry in my heart and treasure forever. After I got back from Chicago I couldn't be any happier and I was really looking forward to our next trip to the Caribbean.

Then she dropped a bomb on me three days after we said goodbye in Chicago.

Coming up, Part 5 – The Dear John Letter

Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 3

2010-08-11T08:40:00.000-07:00

Part 3 - Falling in Love

After our first meeting we agreed to meet again a few weeks later in Seattle which is where I was going for my next business trip. I'm quite familiar with the city and it's one of my favorite places to visit. It was her first trip there so she relied on me to plan a fun and romantic getaway.

I picked her up in a limo at the airport and we went to the hotel first to relax and freshen up. I got a waterfront suite with a sweeping view of Elliott Bay and the Olympic Mountains, and I had a bottle of her favorite red wine waiting for her. We enjoyed dinner at the fabulous Fish Club, the cozy and intimate Chez Shea, and the incredible views at Sky City on top of the Space Needle. We took leisurely morning walks through the sights, sounds, and smells of Pike's Market with latte at the original Starbucks and chocolate croissants at Le Panier, a little French bakery.

Holding hands and strolling through the beautiful gardens of Chateau St. Michelle with a tasting of the best wines from the region. Hugging and kissing under the stars at Alki Point with the downtown skyline gleaming across the bay. A spa day for her at Gene Juarez while I was away taking care of business. And shopping at the bustling downtown shopping district with all of her favorite stores. It was magical and we had a wonderful time enjoying each other's company.

I have met many beautiful women in my life, but I thought she was the only one that had the complete package. She was perfect for me in many ways... physically, sexually, and her personality was compatible and complementary with mine. I came back from Seattle on cloud nine and started to plan our next trip. I thought if there was "the one" who I would give up my marriage for she was it. And I started to fall for her and I told her so. She said all the right things and led me to believe that the feelings were mutual. Here are some examples from her emails:

"I too have very strong feelings for you. I think it means a lot that already we can be open and honest with each other... that says a lot about our compatibility. I would love to continue to see you as often as we can make it possible. It is difficult to say what lies in our future, but I know that I want you to be in my life."

"I wanted to tell you that I don't think you are too emotional or high maintenance! I am glad that we both have feelings for each other."

"I care a lot for you already and I want to be sure that we can be honest with each other. I look forward to the future times we will have together and I'm sure we will continue to grow closer....."

Coming up - Feeling like the king of the world

Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 2

2010-08-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

Part 2 - The day of our first meeting

On the day of our meeting she agreed to meet me at the hotel hobby before going to dinner. I waited for her at the entrance and she pulled up in a sporty convertible and stepped out in her little black dress and stiletto heels. Ladies, if you want to make a good first impression this is the way to do it! It's a stick shift too and I was really impressed! She looks even better than the pics she sent me. She is gorgeous and her sense of style is impeccable. Everywhere she went people turned their heads. There is a certain presence about her beyond her looks and attire that get people noticed.

I invited her up to my suite to chat and have some wine and she agreed. She was a little nervous at first because she said I'm the first person she met from the site. But she got comfortable quickly and the mutual attraction and chemistry were instant and effortless. I knew right away she wasn't doing this only for material reasons. Our great conversation and laughter continued during dinner and it took longer than expected. So when we got back to the hotel there wasn't much time left before she had to leave, otherwise her husband would get suspicious. Up to this point we have kissed and held hands, and I thought that would be it for the night....

Then she did something that I'll always remember vividly. She put her arms around me, gazed into my eyes, and whispered "we still have time..." Well, I may be slow but I got the hint and I don't need any more encouragement! Pretty soon our clothes were flying everywhere with the sofa and the bed as our playground. Her body is exquisite and flawless. Remember the passionate, hot, sweaty sex you used to have with your sweetheart? That's what it felt like and she had no problem keeping up with me in the bedroom, or was it the other way around? ;)

She left with a smile on her face and agreed to come back in the morning. I went to sleep thinking I can't believe how lucky I was and maybe what just happened was only a dream. Well, it wasn't a dream and she did come back in the morning and we had breakfast in bed. I told her to pinch me to make sure all this is for real. Once again we made good use of our time together and left each other tired but satisfied. What a great way to start the day! Needless to say we agreed to take a trip together for our next meeting and we decided to meet in Seattle during my next business trip a few weeks later.

Coming up... falling in love

Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 1

2010-08-06T07:01:00.000-07:00

Please note the usual disclaimers apply. This was one of my learning experiences during the early days. I hope you'll enjoy the story and learn from it.

---------------------------

Part 1 - She found me

I don't usually get unsolicited emails on sugardaddie.com, but one day I got one out of the blue from a married SB who was looking for a discreet relationship. Since I'm married too I thought this could work out great for both of us. Here's an excerpt of what she sent me:

"You sound like a sincere person, something that I'm sure is difficult to find on this site. I will be honest with you in the fact that I am currently married, but trying to get out. Given my career, I have the opportunity for travel. If you are not comfortable with my situation, I fully understand..... my sincere wishes to you. If you are willing to put up with my current relationship status in the short term..... let me know. We can further pursue this conversation....."

Based on what she wrote it seems that she might be ready to get out of her marriage for the right person. I read her email and profile and at first I thought someone who knew me well was playing a prank on me because she is exactly what I was looking for. She's in her late 20's, blond hair, blue eyes, athletic, and very attractive. And she travels for work which is perfect because I travel frequently for business as well. I waited a few days before I responded, and after a few emails and phone calls I decided to visit her where she lives because I was going there for a business trip.

We agreed that our first meeting is just for dinner to get to know each other and see if there is mutual attraction and chemistry for a possible arrangement. And if it went well then we would plan a trip together for our next meeting. Prior to our first meeting we kept in touch by frequent emails and occasional phone calls. She is sweet, charming, mature, intelligent, caring, and just a delightful person to communicate with. We have a lot in common and we felt very comfortable with each other and shared many things about our personal lives. She seemed sincere and made me feel very special to be meeting her.

Here are some examples of what she wrote to me:

"It is nice to find someone in the same boat as myself.... I think if this continues it could be something very special for both of us - and on many levels…."

"I read your e-mail last night before going to bed..... and it took me a while to fall asleep because I was thinking of you!"

"It is not like me to meet someone on the internet and immediately meet with them in person. But for some reason with you it is different - I feel comfortable and believe that you are a sincere and trustworthy person. It is a little scary for me, but I'm sure after we meet I will feel more comfortable"

"I look forward to spending some time with you and getting to know you. It is refreshing to find someone respectable on that website...... I have a feeling we are one of the few genuine people on that site."

Coming up... the day of our first meeting.

Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 5

2010-08-04T08:04:00.000-07:00

Part 5 - Getting emotionally involved again!

Despite the lessons I learned from my first "long term" SB, I fell into the same trap again after a few months and this time it was even worse emotionally. She broke my heart and everything about her and the emotional bonding I thought we had turned out to be a lie. Just as before I wanted to be a gift/travel SD and no money changed hands. Even though the experience was short lived (we only met a few times over a 3 month period), it took me a long time to recover emotionally and it forced me to question my idea of what a sugar relationship should be.

For example, am I able to handle the emotional aspect of a NSA relationship when I find the "ideal" SB? (obviously I can't). Are the "finer things in life" that I'm willing to offer the right things, or should I put money into the mix to make sure there is a boundary? Will different approaches attract different type of SB's? I spent the rest of that year experimenting to try to find answers. I'll write about my heartbreaking story titled "Mixing Love and Sugar" next.

It was a learning experience for me trying to see what worked and what didn't in an arrangement. It was a turning point where I went from a gift/travel SD, to a mix of gifts and allowance, to potentially allowance only. I found in some cases it didn't take much for an attractive woman wanting to be intimate with me, and I had no problem attracting younger women in the under 30 age group. One of the most interesting experiences was when I flew in two strippers and I'll write about that adventure later.

As I experimented with different type of arrangements I ran into some common problems. For example, the "now that I have found someone to pay my bills let me dump all my problems on him" problem. Well, you know the type.... You agree on an allowance but then she keeps on coming up with unexpected bills and surprises that require more than what was agreed. Doctor's bills, vet bills, insurance bills, legal bills, repair bill, and the "I forgot I owe them money" bills. I don't mind stepping in to help out when there is a real need, but no one wants to throw money down a money pit.

Another example is the "I get what I want and you get what you get" mentality. The SD does his part and perhaps even more. But she dishes out her "sugar" in small portions reluctantly and eventually blows him off, which was certainly not what he expected. So what's a SD to do? Cut his losses and run? Have a "come to Jesus" meeting? Give her a second or third chance?

Just like before, I reflect on my experiences and try to learn from it, but then you wonder if I'm able to apply the lessons learned when I'm faced with the situation. Here are some of the lessons learned while experimenting with different types of arrangements:

1. Don't enter an arrangement with a large amount of money upfront, regardless of what it's for. When that happens the SB may lose all incentive to do her part. I once paid a semester of tuition for a SB upfront, with the understanding that we'll meet once or twice a month during the semester. We never made it to the third meeting. That's another story I'll post someday.

2. Don't let her problem become yours. I've got to put my foot down when the SB is spending way over the agreement. Instead of paying the bills and say never again, I should have just refused to pay and cut my losses.

3. Focus on quality not quantity. In addition to the good and bad experiences and various adventures, there were many "average" experiences which I can really do without. That would have saved me a lot of time and money.

Coming up - Getting emotionally involved for the last time.

A Valentine's Fantasy - Her Version, Part 3

2010-08-03T06:22:00.000-07:00

Part 3 - What I should have done differently

I consider our visit successful, and partly because we were both clear about what we wanted and interested in pleasing each other, we both felt safe and understood, and we were both honest, open and giving with each other. The Valentine's Day pampering was truly exquisite and so was the intimacy. Still, there are things I would do differently next time and would advise others to do differently.

First, even if you trust your date, a room to yourself is important. Even though I liked him a lot and trusted him, I felt uncomfortable having no real privacy for dressing & primping, making phone calls, and just calming my first-time jitters, and since no one can be "on" and conversant at all times, there were more awkward and nervous moments than there had to be.

Second, I wouldn't advise getting into a new date's car at the airport. I initially said I would arrive at the hotel by taxi, but then I decided it would be fine for him to pick me up. I trusted my instincts about him, but they could have been wrong. It's safer and easy enough to just use a taxi until you've spent some time together.

Finally, I'm not totally at peace with my own decision to blow off my material needs. My date is used to spoiling his Babe and he offered a shopping trip (twice) and I chose playing with him and being outside instead. I can't say I regret it. It was Valentine's Day. He was sexy and fun to be with and our walk by the lake was lovely. But if I have a similar experience again, I'll honor my needs better, because he would have been happy to meet them.

Beyond those few things, which are all about my own decisions and not about him, it was a perfect first visit. He was respectful, considerate and honorable in his behavior toward me; he was a good communicator, willing to please and fun to talk to; he is smart, good looking and incredibly sexy.

What more could anyone want in a Daddy for Valentine's Day?

Sigh….

P.S. Don't even ask!

The End

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I'll post a more explicit "His Version" in the future.

A Valentine's Fantasy - Her Version, Part 2

2010-08-02T06:17:00.000-07:00

Part 2 - What happened on Valentine's Day

When I met him at the airport, I was delighted to see that he looked exactly like he did in his photos – hot! He greeted me with a big smile and a sweet, but unassuming, hug. We drove to the hotel and had a late lunch together. The conversation was good and the chemistry was immediate, but not overpowering. We both asked the questions and brought up the topics that we should, even the ones that weren't easy. Immediately after lunch, my spa appointment began.

He had reserved the 3-hour Valentine's Day special, which included a full body massage, a facial and a manicure/pedicure, plus chocolate dipped strawberries served with champagne and a red rose. Exquisite! I admit that, in moments, I couldn't help imagining that the masseuse's hands were his. Afterward, I showered at the spa and returned to the room to dress for our shopping adventure.

He was waiting for me in the room and looking so beautiful that I couldn't resist a little taste of those soft lips I had been watching during our conversation. We had talked a lot about his life and mine and I had learned enough to find him trustworthy but also crush-worthy. And what sweet lips! I have to admit, I wanted those lips more than I wanted the shopping adventure, so we kissed away our shopping hour. Then I dressed in the Valentine's Day outfit I brought and primped a long time while he waited and we ventured out for dinner.

We nibbled ceviche and enjoyed a nice, earthy Merlot while listening to an improvisational jazz ensemble at an overcrowded, but hip, restaurant. We couldn't hear each other very well and our hands kept finding each other's body and thighs, so we picked up a bottle of red wine and some bon-bons and returned to the hotel, where I veered from my goal-training and gave in to pure lust. I'm sorry if this offends the more pure SB's, but my needs aren't always material and I had already decided that this trip would be more an adventure than an SD interview.

We did at least two things in the bedroom I had never done before and both were most excellent. He spent the night and we shared breakfast in bed in the morning. Again, he offered to take me to the shopping mall, but it was such a beautiful day, and I so wanted to be outside, that we visited a local lakeside park instead, walked along the lake holding hands and talked a lot about the sugar lifestyle, and then went out for coffee.

Even though the visit was fulfilling, we both sensed this wasn't the ideal sugar relationship for either of us, so we talked about that and decided to be really open with each other about our ideal, our chances of finding the ideal, the best way to go about it, etc. This was one of the best aspects of the visit – finding a confidante on the other side of the sugar aisle. Still, at the end of the visit, as he was taking me to the airport, we found ourselves plotting a possible future visit, this time in my state.

Coming up - What I should have done differently.

A Valentine's Fantasy - Her Version, Part 1

2010-07-30T08:59:00.000-07:00

I'll pause here to tell a little story before I resume the "Evolution of a SD" series. Here's what happened from her perspective. Please note the usual disclaimers apply.

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Hi lovelies! I'm back from my Valentine's Day adventure and ready to report the good, the bad and the snuggly. ;D

I thought it might be a good case study in what to do and what not to do on a first out-of-town meeting and I also just love to share my adventures with the Babes. Feel free to pick apart my decisions, if you like, for our collective education. Or feel free to skip this posting, since no one likes to read such long, detailed tales of adventure, danger and passion. ;D

I met my date online and his e-mails and such revealed a nice, decent, trustworthy and very attractive man. Our phone calls seemed to confirm this. I told him about my two less-than-ideal Valentine's dates from the weekend before and he offered to indulge my Valentine's fantasy if I would come to his city to meet him. I really wanted to salvage my Valentine's Day experience and needed an adventure badly, so I said let's talk about it and told him my fantasy: a spa extravaganza (facial, pedicure, massage, etc.); shopping for a pretty Valentine's Day outfit and dinner at a nice restaurant.

He leapt into action to make the arrangements.

I was both excited and nervous. This would be my first experience flying out of town to meet a man I didn't know. At one point, just for a minute, I said to myself, "What are you doing? This is unsafe. Cancel this trip and just pamper yourself for Valentine's Day." But between our good communication, his reassurance and my rational approach, I relaxed and trusted my decision. He had taken the initiative to call me and make sure we were both very clear what the situation was and what we each expected. He was open about his own trust needs and wanted to know and respect mine.

I followed (most of) my own safety rules (I'll explain later where I failed): I verified that my ticket was roundtrip, I verified his identity by calling the hotel and making sure he paid by credit card under his name, I told my housemate where I was going, who I was going with, when I would return, my flight and hotel info, etc. I had prepared for things to go wrong: packed cash and credit cards, packed an extra outfit in case we didn't go shopping, contacted a friend in his city saying I'd be there overnight and might be able to connect.

I had become very familiar with the way my date's mind worked and felt secure in my understanding of that. And once all these precautions were taken care of, I let go and fully expected to have a good time with an interesting person, whether we hit it off romantically or not.

Coming up - What happend on Valentine's Day

Why Wealthy Men Choose to be SD's

2010-07-29T09:01:00.000-07:00

I got this question from a SB in the SeekingArrangement blog and I thought I'll share the answers here.

Can you please run through some of the reasons to explain why a wealthy man may choose to become an SD? Which of these, if any, perhaps still applies to men with utter social mastery?

Here's a bit of background on what prompted the question. Some men said on the sa.com blog that they have exceptional social skills and can "get it for free by just showing up". Therefore they don't see the point of being a SD and laugh at those who have to "pay for it". My response is that being a SD is a choice. There are men who can get it for free by just showing up but still choose to be a SD. There are many reasons why wealthy men choose to become SD's, and in most cases it has nothing to do with their lack of social skills or ability to get it for free.

Here are some of the most common reasons:

1. Discretion. They like to keep their private life private. And of course if the SD is married then this goes without saying. Picking up random women at bars or VIP lounges in full view of others is not their style (just ask Tiger!). They expect the SB to keep it discreet as part of the arrangement.

2. No strings. The arrangement should set clear boundaries for both sides. Without it the line can be blurred and the relationship could head down a slippery slope emotionally (just ask Edwards!). The arrangement should prevent either party from having unrealistic expectations about the relationship.

3. Reliability. SD’s and SB’s are supposed to do what they said they will do according to the arrangement. And over time they will build trust and be reliable for each other. SD’s don’t like surprises when it comes to the reliability of their SB’s. Random hookups and one night stands may be fun, but it’s ultimately unreliable and risky (just ask Pitino!).

4. Longevity. It may not be easy to find the right SB in the right situation to have an arrangement that works. When a SD finds something that works well then it’s preferable to make it last versus keep on spending their valuable time to look for something that may or may not be better.

5. Generosity. Men who choose to be SD's are generous by nature, and not just in a financial sense. They can also be generous with their time, experience, wisdom, business savvy, and personal network. They enjoy helping and guiding a SB to achieve her goals and aspirations. And they find satisfaction in knowing that she was able to reach a better position in life because of their efforts.

Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 4

2010-07-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

Part 4 - All good things must come to an end

The relationship with my first long term SB came to an end after about six months. It ended because she became more interested in only what I can do for her, and she also had a boyfriend that became more serious than she led on. It didn't help that I started to fall for her and I felt I was subsidizing their relationship since her bf was not able to provide for her. The chemistry and magic slowly faded and it didn't end amicably because she was used to the lifestyle I was providing and didn't want to give it up. She ended up blackmailing me and it was a very messy breakup. I will write more about this story in the future.

After being a gift/travel SD for six months and end up being blackmailed, what did I learn?

1. Don't get emotionally involved, especially for a married man. At some point you start to care too much and that's not necessarily a good thing.

2. Things do come to an end and it's usually sooner than expected. Despite the best intentions on both sides, you just never know how things will play out so you have to be mentally ready for it to end.

3. Keep the relationship simple, so that when it does end it can end cleanly without complications.

4. Be very careful with my personal information. You never know what someone will do with that info, even if it's someone you thought you could trust. As a married family man in the corporate world, I have too much to lose if I'm not careful with my personal info.

Coming up - Getting emotionally involved again!

Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 3

2010-07-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

Part 3 - My first "long term" SB

A typical first meeting with a pot SB is usually for something casual like lunch/dinner/drinks to get know each other without pressure or expectations on either side. This can take place locally or at a city I travel to regularly for business. If things go well and there is chemistry, compatibility, and common expectations, then I'll schedule a second meeting to discuss things further. In many ways this is no different than a typical first date in normal dating. Some first meetings have been more elaborate and went further depending on the circumstances and chemistry.

I have also flown in pot SB's for a first meeting but decided to stop doing it because of the complications involved. I've seen many blog stories about first meetings that were planned to last several days, but then it usually ends up in disappointment. To spend that much time with someone you're meeting for the first time is usually not a good idea because too many things can go wrong. It can also cause expectations and pressure to develop and make the situation uncomfortable. What if the person is not as advertised in the profile or the chemistry isn't there? It's not uncommon to think everything will go well before a first meeting only to find out that's not the case.

Most pot SB's don't get past the first meeting and only a few resulted in on-going relationships. During the first three years I had only two relationships that lasted six months which I thought was long term at the time. The rest were one and done's or fizzled out after a few meetings. But since then I had three relationships that lasted more than a year and three more that lasted six months. It took patience, perseverance, and maybe some luck to find the right person in the right situation for a relationship/arrangement that lasts.

After being on sugardaddie.com for several months and went through numerous false starts and learning experiences like the "Sorority Girls from Hell", I finally met my first "long term" SB. She was in her early 30's and worked as a personal trainer. It was a long distance relationship and we met about once a month by traveling to fun places together. No money changed hands but I spent plenty of money on her for travel, shopping, fine dining, spa, got things she needed to run her business, furnished her wardrobe and apartment, and took her to vacations in Europe and Mexico. The chemistry was magical and it was pretty much what I thought a sugar relationship would be!

Coming up - all good things must come to an end.

Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 2

2010-07-23T08:01:00.000-07:00

Part 2 - Dipping into the online sugar world

Due to my busy schedule and marital status, freestyling to meet pot SB's in real life was not a viable option so I focused my activities online. I have also tried sites such as Sugardaddyforme, MillionaireMatch, AshleyMadison, MarriedSecrets, CraigsList, AdultFriendFinder, and even regular dating sites like Match. But eventually it became clear that Sugardaddie.com and later Seekingarrangement.com were the best sites for me because of its target audience and higher level of activities on the site. And then as sugardaddie.com evolved into a more traditional dating site, seekingarrangement.com became the primary source of pot SB's. There are also several copycat sites, but it appears that they don't have the critical mass of members to be useful yet.

When I joined sugardaddie.com in the early days of online sugar dating, my intention was to find an on-going relationship with someone who I enjoy being with and I could provide some assistance to. I wasn't going to support someone full time or on a monetary basis so I didn't plan to provide an allowance. I thought I could provide the finer things in life like travel, shopping, fine dining, spa, etc to someone who is doing fine on her own but could not normally afford those things by herself. After getting tired of the transactional nature of seeing escorts, I thought I was going to be a gift/travel SD and not an allowance SD.

Over the years I had come in contact with a large number of women but only a small percentage actually resulted in meeting in person. Nevertheless, I have met hundreds of women in person from a wide range of socioeconomic backgrounds that I otherwise wouldn't have the opportunity to meet in real life. For example, in no particular order, I've met Ivy League graduates, law school and med school students, nurses, Playboy models, porn stars, fashion models, pageant queens, escorts, strippers, teachers, waitresses, bartenders, secretaries, cosmetologists, estheticians, massage therapists, hair/make up stylists, college students, personal trainers, scholarship athletes, small business owners, aspiring actress/model/artists/musicians… and the list goes on. Each pot SB brings something unique to the table and it’s up the to the SD to realize and cultivate the potential.

There are those who have been in the sugar world far longer than I have, and some had successful long term relationships and some led to marriages. It's literally taken that much time and meeting that many pot SB's for me to figure out what I really want and what I should be looking for. And of course I got better at screening pot SB's as I gained more experience during the process. Back in the early days of online sugar dating (imagine life before google, facebook, twitter, and blogs became popular!) the pickings were slim and flakes and scammers roamed freely. I had to look outside my local area but since I traveled frequently for business distance was not a big issue. Based on my experience, it's pretty easy to meet young and attractive pot SB's during the process. But it's not as easy to find the right person in the right situation for a sugar relationship that lasts.

Coming up, my first "long term" SB.

Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 1

2010-07-21T20:52:00.000-07:00

SB's vs Escorts is one of the most popular topics in the sugar world. Before I address that issue I think it will be useful to see how my views and experiences have evolved over time as a sugardaddy. Please note the usual disclaimers apply and keep in mind my POV.

First, a little bit about me. I'm well educated and well traveled, and I have a successful career in the corporate world. I live a very comfortable life and I don't have to worry about my financial future. Most pot SB's I've met told me that if I were single I could be a good catch, and I should have no problem attracting women 10+ years younger than me. Although most people would consider me as wealthy, I identify myself more with "The Millionaire Next Door" than with "The Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous". But I am no stranger to the five star high life either. I have earned everything I have through hard work and discipline. In many ways my background steered me to look for a certain type of SB.

I used to be active in the escort scene mainly in the cities I traveled to for business. When I dealt with escorts on a regular basis it was pretty clear to me what constitutes an escort. They advertise their services with clearly defined rates and there is no screening other than for safety. It was easy to arrange an appointment and there was no need to consider mutual attraction, compatibility and chemistry so just about anyone who can pay the advertised rate can do it. To really get what I want in terms of looks and services it took some work to research escort reviews to make sure my money was well spent.

Although I had met some wonderful women during that time, I felt there was something missing. Seeing escorts, while sexually satisfying, was essentially an one time or short term transaction. Eventually I started to see some of my favorites directly without going through an agency, met them "off the clock" by taking them to lunch or dinner, took one to a ski trip, and even visited one at her home and met her son. When I looked back on it, it was the start of my sugardaddy intentions even though I didn't know that's what it was called at the time. And if I had known better, I probably could have started sugar relationships with them.

Over time I grew tired of the transactional nature of this approach and longed for something more, such as passion, intimacy, connection, chemistry, and mentorship, but without the strings, games, and drama of a typical affair. And of course one night stands and random hook ups won't even come close to what I was looking for. Therefore I thought a NSA sugar relationship would satisfy my needs. In my mind there is a clear difference between SB's and escorts, and I certainly know it when I see it. So I started to explore sugar relationships online when Sugardaddie.com came on the scene.

Coming up... dipping into the online sugar world

Sorority Girls from Hell - Part 3

2010-07-19T15:42:00.000-07:00

Fast forward 5 years later... I was in between sugar relationships and started to meet pot SB's again. I corresponded with a new profile on sugardaddie.com, and according to her profile she's a 26 year old brunette and a single mom who had this type of relationship before. After we exchanged a few emails she pretty much spelled it out clearly for me:

-----------------------------------------
Yes, I've had an SD relationship before but that was 2 yrs ago. I've been involved in a traditional relationship since and am now single again. It is perfect timing for an SD relationship once again. My previous SD relationship lasted 11 mos and I have had only one. I am looking for only person to have this arrangement with and once I meet him and we agree on terms that for both of us, I will delete my profile.

I would like to meet you over lunch, chat, and get to know one another. Then if we are comfortable, make plans to meet again. I would suggest you get a hotel room and we can begin with lunch in the hotel restaurant, then move up to the room for privacy. If it is in the evening rather than afternoon, we'll begin with dinner before going up to the room. As far as the gift, I would say until we get more comfortable with a routine and know how often we'll see each other, I am most comfortable with a gift of at least 500 each encounter.

Then when we develop a routine, we can work on a monthly allowance if you prefer. On average, I'm looking for someone who can gift me with 1500 - 2500/month. 2500+ would be ideal, but 1500 would be beneficial enough for me to carry on this arrangement. When you meet me, you will be pleasantly surprised and I am hoping that we will hit it off and that this will work out wonderfully,for both of us.. I look forward to hearing back from you. :-) Please get back to me with your thoughts.

----------------------------------------

She sounds like she is very experienced and knows exactly what she wants. What she asked for seemed reasonable and pics in her profile were fairly attractive, so I agreed to meet her for lunch. When I saw her at the restaurant I had to do a double take... she's not the same person as in her profile pics, but she looked very very familiar... until I realized that... she's A who I met 5 years ago when she came as a package with her friend J!!!

I was having a serious case of déjà vu and my mind quickly raced through what happened then but she didn't seem to recognize me. As I was having lunch with her I couldn't help but wonder what happened to her since then. She said she now works in sales and could use some help to supplement her income. When I met her then she was supposed to be 23, so now she's close to 30 and appeared not as young and hot as she used to be. And she got knocked up with a 3 year old kid to show for it!

I remember after the trip to LA they told me they would have preferred cash instead of shopping (doh, why didn't they tell me that BEFORE the trip?), and they expected $1k per person per day because that's what they've been offered by others. I told them no thanks and I also gave them a piece of advice, which was don't believe every offer that comes their way. Five years later I guess she has learned her lesson and now has more experience and more realistic expectations. The arrogance and entitlement attitude of her youth is now gone and replaced by the real world responsibilities of being a single mom. I wasn't sure whether I should laugh or cry at the situation.

Anyway, I struggled through lunch but she said she's pretty comfortable and ready to take the next step. I felt hesitant at first and wasn't sure if I was up for it (no pun intended). But considering that she probably needed the money, I decided to help her out and we went to a nearby hotel. She is still petite and slim, but she now has stretch marks and her body is not as tight as it used to be. I won't go into details about what happened behind closed doors, overall it wasn't bad but it wasn't great either. As soon as we're done she got dressed, thanked me for the "gift", and said she needs to go pick up her kid. I never heard from her again.

The end.

Sorority Girls from Hell - Part 2

2010-07-16T12:16:00.000-07:00

So what did I do with the two girls that passed out on my bathroom floor? I was very tired from all the drinking that night so I went to sleep and left them on the floor.

They woke up late next morning as if nothing has happened. The first thing out of their mouth was "when are we going shopping?" Being the nice guy I was, I took them to the Melrose area as they requested and bought a few things for them from the boutique shops. But by now I've had enough because it was very clear to me that they weren't interested in doing anything else other than spending my money. After a late lunch I politely asked them to pack up their stuff and take a cab to the airport to go our separate ways.

After I dropped a few grand and ended up with two girls passed out on the bathroom floor, what did I learn?

First, look for women who are more mature. It's been my experience and the experience of my SD friends over the years that younger SB's (ie early 20's) are usually not mature enough for an on-going arrangement. Sure, who wouldn't want younger prettier SB's as arm candy and they might be fun for a while. But in reality an arrangement with that age group usually doesn't last very long, if you even get that far.

Second, a package deal for threesome could be twice the fun but also twice the trouble. I've learned more lessons about threesomes since then and that will be a future blog topic.

Third, set clear expectations on both sides before the trip. In this story I didn't discuss what my expectations were and they didn't tell me theirs either, other than the general understanding that we'll have a good time together. I'm sure they had a great time at my expense!

Fourth, avoid people with a drinking problem!! I enjoy drinking as much as anyone else. But when they started to drink excessively just to get drunk and became out of control, then that's a real problem. Oh, and it's never an isolated incident. People with a drinking problem tend to repeat themselves. I'll have more stories about young women getting drunk and behaving badly in the future.

It was inconceivable to me at the time why two seemingly normal and classy college co-eds would become party animals and drink like a fish when someone else is footing the bill. But I've since found out that it wasn't so unusual after all. I exchanged a couple of emails with them after the trip and never heard from them again. So that's the end of the story, right? Well, not so fast. Let's fast forward to five years later and...

Coming up.... a serious case of déjà vu!

Sorority Girls from Hell - Part 1

2010-07-15T11:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, enough philosophical stuff on the blog for now, I'll change gears and tell some stories. The following was one of the more interesting experiences I had during my early days as a SD. Please note the usual disclaimers apply.

I corresponded with two sorority girls on sugardaddie.com who were graduate students at a prestigious private college. They were best friends, roommates, and used the same profile to present themselves as a "package". After exchanging several emails I decided to meet them for lunch at a posh restaurant in an exclusive part of town. They were very attractive and we hit it off right away. I'll call them A & J. A is a slim and petite brunette who seemed to do most of the talking. J is taller, blond and has more curves than A, but not as talkative. A mentioned that she used to live in LA and jokingly said she'd love to take a trip there just to shop. That got my attention because I was going to LA for business later that week so I offered to fly them out and spend some time together. They agreed and I arranged the trip for them.

A few days later I picked them up from LAX early in the evening and went to the hotel next to Kodak Theater in Hollywood where American Idol and Academy Awards are held. I got a nice two room suite with a great view of the Hollywood sign and the hills. They took awhile to get ready for dinner and they looked absolutely fabulous. We went to dinner at Asia de Cuba in the Mondrian Hotel as A recommended. It's a great place to see and be seen and it was packed with beautiful people everywhere.

So far so good, right? I mean, what could be better than having two hot girls in your arms for dinner? Well, it was all downhill from there.

As soon as we got to the restaurant the drinking started. A few cocktails before dinner, a few bottles of wine with dinner, and of course they ordered the most expensive things on the menu. A few more after dinner drinks with dessert...then we're off to the Sky Bar next door...more drinks, more shots. The Sky Bar is outdoors with a pool and a great view of the city at night. I remember lying on the plush lounge seats by the pool looking up at the stars, thinking to myself, when will they stop drinking?

Eventually we stumbled back to the hotel room and they raided the mini bar for more drinks. It didn't take long for them to get sick and throw up in the bathroom. After a while they just passed out cold on the bathroom floor. So here I was, with two hot girls drunk and passed out in my bathroom, thinking what was I going to do with them??

To be continued...

Married vs Single SD's

2010-07-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

As a married SD I can certainly respect the preferences of SB’s. I’m always upfront about my marital status because I don’t intend to play games and pass off myself as single like some married men do. When given the opportunity I always explain why I’m looking for a sugar relationship and what I expect from it. I wouldn’t want anyone to compromise their beliefs or do something they’re not comfortable with for any reason.

There are several reasons why SB’s don’t want to be involved with a married SD. The most common ones I’ve heard include: it’s bad karma and it will come back to bite you one day, it’s against their upbringing and religious beliefs, not wanting to be a home wrecker or break up a marriage, and not to disrespect another woman. These are all good reasons. However, some women seem to pass judgment on married SD’s which I don’t think is necessary. Each person’s situation is different and everyone is doing it for his own reasons. I can’t speak for others, but in my case I’m not looking for my next wife or wanting to change the family life I have. So I think the respect for preferences should work both ways. This is especially true when I hear a SB say “I don’t want to be a home wrecker or break up a marriage.” And my response would be “what makes you think that will be the case?”

Having said that, why would a SB consider married SD’s at all? There are advantages and disadvantages depending what’s important to you and what you’re looking for. Generally speaking, married SD’s have their own busy life so they are usually not too demanding on a SB’s time. In addition, it should be discreet with clear boundaries that is typical of a “no strings, no drama” relationship. What a SB does on her own time should be her own business, and the same goes for the SD. And it’s not likely that a married SD will take his SB to public social functions or to meet his family and friends like a trophy girlfriend. The obvious downside to having a married SD is that the relationship would not develop into a traditional relationship with a happily ever after ending. And married SD’s may have limitations on their schedule due to work and family obligations so they are not available as often nor can be as spontaneous as the single ones.

Also, no strings and no drama doesn’t mean no feelings. When two people spend enough time together then naturally some feelings will develop. The key is how both sides manage those feelings to keep it under control as a no strings relationship. It takes maturity and experience to make it work.

It’s interesting to hear some SB’s talk about how they don’t want to get into a relationship with a SD who can become needy, clingy, possessive, controlling, insecure, and jealous which result in the kind of drama common in traditional relationships. And yet they don’t want to consider a married SD because of the reasons mentioned before. I think another way to look at it would be whether a relationship with single SD’s is more likely to have drama compared to married SD’s. Having a married SD doesn’t guarantee there will be no drama, but perhaps there are fewer reasons for drama to occur. Of course there are some mature, single SD’s who are very capable of having a no strings relationship as well.

Married SD’s are not for everyone and I’m just offering different ways to consider single vs married SD’s. Please note I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind and there are pros and cons just like any other aspects of a sugar relationship. Your own experience and individual cases may vary.

Questions Newbie SB's Should Ask

2010-07-13T10:35:00.000-07:00

One of the most common problems I found with newbie SB’s is that they are not clear about what kind of sugar they’re looking for and what they’re able to offer in return. As the saying goes, if you don’t know what you’re looking for then you probably won’t be able to find it. Or worse, they're prone to get into situations that they're not comfortable with and get taken advantage of. The SB blogs are full of stories like that.

Every newbie SB should be able to answer 3 simple questions about herself:

(1) Why have you chosen to pursue a sugar relationship instead of a traditional relationship? (saying I saw it on Tyra doesn’t count!)

(2) What would you like your SD to provide for you? (don’t say “show me the money!”)
and most importantly,

(3) What can you offer in return? (think about what sets you apart from other SB’s).

Once you have a clear understanding of how to answer these 3 questions and can articulate it to pot SD’s, then you’re well on your way to finding what you’re looking for.

First two questions every newbie SB should ask her pot SD:

Question #1 – Why do you want to be a SD?

How sugar dating differs from regular dating is the “sugar” aspect of the relationship. After all, people are looking for a SD or SB for a reason, otherwise they should be on regular dating sites. Find out what that reason is and see if you have similar views and expectations.

Question #2 – What’s been your experience with this type of relationship/arrangement?

If the answer to #2 is “none”, then ask “How do you envision this type of relationship to work?”

Newbie SB’s should determine whether it’s a good idea to get involved with a newbie SD. IMO at least one of the parties should be experienced in order to have a better chance for success. If the answer to #2 is “experienced”, then ask “What kind of arrangement did you have with your previous SB?” There is no need to go into details initially, but you should get a general idea of what was involved to see if it’s similar to your expectations.

When to bring up the topic of sugar?

A sugar relationship could be whatever two people can agree on as long as the sugar brings “value” to both parties. As to when to bring this up, I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking about sugar early in the process by either the SD or SB. Unlike regular dating, you shouldn’t leave things open ended and see what happens, otherwise the process could drag on without any tangible results. If there is no travel involved, maybe you can discuss sugar when you meet in person. But if there is travel involved, then you should have a clear understanding of what each other’s expectations are before making travel arrangements.

I understand some people may misrepresent themselves, so there is an issue of trust and respect as well. Do you think the pot you’re talking to can be trusted and has respect for you? That’s a judgment call each person will have to decide for themselves. I hope this helps all the newbies out there

Sugar Dating vs Regular Dating

2010-07-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

Most SD’s I know are not looking to “pay” for a girlfriend. What they’re willing to pay for is a NSA arrangement without the courtship, drama, games, and uncertainty in regular dating. They also don’t want SB’s who look at it as just a business transaction and are in it only for the money. There has to be chemistry, compatibility, common interests, etc for the relationship/arrangement to work and for it to last.

In regular dating, attractive women have lots of choices and they are hit on by men all the time hoping to win their affection and get a piece of the action. This implies in regular dating the demand for attractive women far exceeds the supply of men who are interested in them. And women definitely have the upper hand in choosing who they want to date.

But does this phenomenon apply to online sugar dating? It’s all too common for newbie SB’s to have unrealistic expectations about how long the search might take and what they will find. One of the reasons for such behavior, understandably, came from the perception that sugar dating is similar to regular dating. They think the demand for attractive SBs far exceeds the supply of SD’s willing to provide for them, and therefore they behave in a way that is consistent with that perception. However, there are two key factors that make sugar dating different from regular dating.

First, the perception that there is a high demand for SB’s can be misleading. The problem is that the high demand could come from anyone who calls himself a SD and puts up a profile on one of the sites. It’s typical for a newbie SB to put up a profile with attractive pics and then be deluged with emails and offers from all over the place within the first few days. This creates an illusion of high demand which re-enforces their belief that it’s just like regular dating. But if the SB takes time to sort through the flakes, time wasters, pic collectors, etc., then sooner or later she will realize that genuine SD’s who are serious about having a sugar relationship are not that easy to find. And over time the interest slows down as the crowd chase after hundreds of new SB profiles created each day, especially after media exposure in one of the talk shows.

Second, in sugar dating the supply and demand is reversed. Genuine SD’s, especially those who are willing and able to provide steady financial support, are in short supply. These types of SD’s have plenty of potential SB’s to choose from and they can be very picky if they choose to be. This means that they don’t waste their valuable time to deal with SB’s who have an entitlement attitude. That kind of attitude may work in regular dating, but most likely it will not work in sugar dating. So if an attractive SB is looking for a regular date, she should have plenty of choices and can be very picky. But when it comes to finding a SD, she should think about how to differentiate herself from other SB’s and why a SD should choose her. It may be counter intuitive, but she will have a much better chance for success without the attitude. Of course common sense, common courtesy, and the usual safety measures still apply. Just because you’re looking for a SD it doesn’t mean you should let your guard down and be taken advantage of or submit yourself to a situation you’re not comfortable with.

In regular dating a woman can casually date many guys at her leisure, make her own schedule, and blow them off on a whim or change plans at the last minute if she wants. The guys won’t like it, but she's just dating them so what did they expect anyway. When an arrangement is in place for sugar dating, the SD may have expectations on when and how much time you spend with him. You have to work around his busy schedule (especially if he is married) and can’t just blow him off or change plans on a whim. Well, you can, but the arrangement won’t last long if you did. As a SB spreads herself too thin with too many SD's or for other reasons, her SD's may start to notice that she’s too busy for them and can’t be as available or as flexible with her time as before. It’s tough enough to make plans when one party has a busy schedule, it’s even tougher when both have busy schedules. Now throw travel into the mix and it’s exponentially more complex.

As usual there are exceptions and your own experience and individual cases may vary.

The 5 Stages of Sugar

2010-07-07T21:20:00.000-07:00

The last question of the SB Q&A was:

Explain the process by which a Sugar relationship should escalate and advance.

This is what I call "The 5 Stages of Sugar". I've seen in various blogs where SB's described their experiences, both good and not so good. I think it will be useful to look at different stages in the sugar world and some common questions for each stage to put those experiences in perspective. I’ll try to be brief and just mention the challenges involved in each stage. But obviously there is a lot more to discuss which I’ll explain at the end.

1. The Contact

This is the first stage in sugar world when pot SB’s and SD’s correspond with each other before meeting in person. Keep in mind anyone can put up a profile and call himself a SD or herself a SB, but that doesn’t necessarily make it so. Most dialogs don’t get past this stage due to people being disrespectful and ignorant as we’ve seen from many blog stories. This is where the flakes, weirdos, time wasters should be identified and discarded.

Frequently asked questions:
- Should I contact pot SD’s or wait to be contacted?
- How do I weed out the flakes from the real ones?

2. The Meet

The purpose of the first meeting is to find out whether there is chemistry, compatibility, and common expectations on both sides. Sometimes it may take more than one meeting to find out. If the meeting is local then it should be easy to meet for drinks, lunch or dinner without any pressure or expectations on either side. But if travel is involved then it’s best to make sure expectations for the meeting are clearly communicated and understood by both. It’s not uncommon to think everything will work out fine before you meet and then to find out that’s not the case. Or the person may have misrepresented themselves in some way. Unfortunately this is where you can end up with clingers and stalkers described in many blog stories.

Frequently asked questions:
- Should I travel to meet a pot SD?
- How much personal info should I give out or ask for before the meet?

3. The Discussion

After you have a good meet and decided there is mutual interest to pursue further, then it’s time for an open and honest discussion about the arrangement. Keep in mind the discussion could happen before the meet or during the meet as well. It’s important to clearly communicate expectations on both sides. Such as, amount of allowance, gifts/travel, frequency and duration of meetings, how you will spend your time together, etc. SD’s should realize that each SB’s situation is different and what works for one SB may not work for another. Therefore, it’s important for a SD to spoil/support his SB in a way that makes a difference to her.

Frequently asked questions:
- How do I ask for what I really want?
- How do I get an allowance from a gift/travel SD?

4. The Arrangement

After you have mutually agreed on an arrangement, I will now pronounce you SD and SB!! :) Some people thought they have found their SD/SB before getting to this stage, but that can be premature. For an arrangement to work, both parties should act in good faith to build trust. This may take some time to establish as both parties adjust to their roles and start doing what they said they will do. Some arrangements may fall apart quickly as the reality of an arrangement sets in.

Frequently asked questions:
- Should I have sex before getting the sugar?
- What should I do if my SD is not providing what he promised?

5. The Bliss?

When an arrangement is in place for some time and it’s working well, it’s possible that unforeseen circumstances may cause either party to make temporary adjustments or to evaluate whether the arrangement should be modified. In some cases both parties may mutually agree to end the arrangement if there are irreconcilable differences. All good things must come to an end and in a NSA relationship that is to be expected. In the meantime, just relax and enjoy the sugar!!

Frequently asked questions:
- What if my SD wants more than NSA?
- What if my SD can no longer provide what he agreed to?

Now that I have described the 5 Stages of Sugar, I’m sure more questions will come to mind. Such as, how do I progress from one stage to the next? And, how long should each stage take? This post is already too long so I’ll stop here.

SB Q&A #3

2010-07-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

In a normal ongoing Sugar relationship with an Allowance Daddy what do you consider reasonable and fair allowance?

A reasonable and fair allowance is whatever two people can agreed on. Let's say a SB may think that 3k/month is reasonable, but the pot SD may have other ideas depending on what he is looking for. Consider how much time and effort you will be able to put in the arrangement given the allowance you expect (ie how often can you meet, and how much time can you spend for each meeting) and see how does that relate to what his expectations are. You may be willing to meet twice a week, but the SD may not have that much time and can only meet twice a month. Therefore in his mind he may not have the same expectation about the allowance as you do. When it's a long distance situation with travel involved it can be more complicated as the meetings are usually less frequent and the duration of each meeting can be longer.

As I have mentioned before, SD's who are willing to provide consistent financial support are in greater demand and therefore have more choices. If he is willing to provide 3k a month (or whatever amount), he will have his own selection criteria to determine who is the best match. Find out what the criteria is and see how you match up.

Also consider the "Allowance in Real Dollar Terms" concept. Think about what kind of job in the real world will pay the equivalent of the allowance you seek, and how much effort you need to put into a job like that. Then see how it compares to the effort you're willing to put in the arrangement to get the proper perspective.

SB Q&A #2

2010-07-06T13:53:00.000-07:00

Which do you think most SD's are? Gift, Allowance, Travel, or Dual. (Dual means one or more of the different types of SD)

I think SD's who are able and willing to provide consistent financial support are in short supply, which means they're also in greater demand. Some SD's may be willing to provide a small amount or an occasional allowance, but to be able to provide a consistent allowance is not easy to find. As a result, the dynamics of sugardaddy dating is very different from regular dating and it will be one of my blog topics as well. A lot of men on sd sites think that being a sugardaddy means being a generous boyfriend and all they need to do is to wine and dine the SB and provide the finer things in life without an allowance. But if NSA and allowance are important to you in a sugar relationship, then those guys will turn out to be wasting your time. Generally speaking, your best bet to finding an allowance SD is to find one who is experienced in providing allowance in the past.

By your definition, what is a normal ongoing Sugar relationship?

It's a relationship where an arrangement is clearly communicated, understood, and agreed to by both parties. And both parties act in good faith to do what they said they'll do according to the arrangement to establish trust. The relationship is ongoing until something has fundamentally changed with one of the parties. Then they need to mutually agree on whether to modify the arrangement or move on.

SB Q&A #1

2010-07-06T13:12:00.000-07:00

Recently I answered several questions from a SB. She asked some really good questions so I thought I'll post them here. It's also a good lead in to some of the topics I'll be posting in the blog.

Which do you think make a BETTER SD and why? A millionaire SD or a "thousandaire" SD.

Based on the expected allowance, of course the pot SD should be at a certain income level to even be able to afford it. So let's do some math and figure out what that is. For example, at 3k a month or 36k a year, it's equivalent to about 50k/year before tax. If a SD can spend 20% of his gross income on his SB then that means he should make at least $250k a year. I call this "Allowance in Real Dollar Terms" and it will be one of my blog topics.

In addition, if a SB expects more on top of the allowance, such as gifts, trips, spa, fine dining, etc then that need to be factored into the equation as well. As a rule of thumb for the SD, the allowance is only the starting point and he could spend up to an amount equal to the allowance in addition on other things in a sugar relationship. Most SB's tend to underestimate the total amount of money her SD spends on her.

Keep in mind a SD's wealth, income, and lifestyle does not directly relate to how generous he is for an allowance. He has to be able and willing to provide an allowance. Some wealthy men are willing to spend lots of money on fun things and gifts, but when it comes to providing direct financial support they think there is a stigma associated with it as if they're too good to be "paying" for a SB or GF. I'll talk about some of the ways to change their minds in my blog.

Also, whether the SD is married and what kind of work he does are factors to consider as well. A married SD, regardless of how wealthy he is, may have limitations on what he can do financially to keep it under the radar from the spouse. A SD who owns his own business or works in the financial industry will generally have more financial flexibility.

Stroll Down Memory Lane

2010-06-28T23:40:00.000-07:00

Unless otherwise noted, the stories I'll be posting have already occurred in the distant past and may not be in chronological order. During my journey through the sugar world I have kept detailed accounts of women I've met and things that happened. This is how I'm able to stroll down memory lane as if it happened yesterday. There are happy memories and painful memories, and I'm willing to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. This will be as real as it gets, and sometimes reality is stranger than fiction!

My POV

2010-06-25T09:44:00.000-07:00

I think it would be useful for the readers to understand the point of view of where I am coming from in the sugar world which may be different from other SD's.

First, I'm married so my POV is as a married SD, which could be differernt from SD's who are single or divorced. This is also why I'm very careful with my personal information.

Second, my experience in the sugar world is through web sites such as seekingarrangement.com and sugardaddie.com. I understand sugar relationships can be found IRL and on other web sites. I've used other sites but those 2 sites are where I met pot SB's and found my sugar relationships.

Third, the type of sugar relationship I seek is based on NSA arrangement with physical intimacy. There are other types of sugar relationships that are platonic or are more like dating a rich boyfriend, but that's not what I want.

Now that you understand where I'm coming from, you'll see how my experiences and opinions are shaped by my POV.

The Usual Disclaimers

2010-06-24T10:31:00.000-07:00

I'm just a simple man making my way through the online sugar dating world. These are my stories. But first, here are the usual disclaimers.

Names, places, descriptions, times, and quotes may have been altered to protect the guilty. Any resemblance to actual people and events is purely coincidental. And don't believe everything you read on the internet! This blog is for mature audience only. If you’re offended by TMI, sexual content, emotional situations, and strong language, then please do not read this blog.

I enjoy helping others separating reality from fantasy to find their way in the sugar world. My opinion from a sugardaddy’s point of view is meant to provide a different perspective from sugarbaby’s so that people can think about things they may not have thought of before. To the extent that some people find it useful then that’s great. It doesn’t hurt my feelings if others disagree with it or don’t like it. I understand my opinion may not be relevant to everyone’s situation. Individual cases may vary and there are always exceptions.

The journey in online sugar dating world, as in real life, is a continuous learning process.

Getting started

2010-06-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

This is a place holder for now. I'll be back after the July 4th holidays to chronicle my years of experiences as a sugardaddy.