Part 3 - Level of Commitment
Does NSA mean no commitment?? Well, that depends on what type and what level of commitment we're talking about. In any relationship the type of commitment can generally be categorized as Time, Emotional, Financial, and Legal. And the level of commitment in each category can define what type of relationship it is. For example, in a casual dating relationship there is usually not a lot of time and emotional commitment, and certainly no financial and legal commitment. On the other end of the spectrum, a marriage requires a high level of time, emotional, financial, and ultimately legal commitment.
So where does NSA sugar relationships fit in? Generally speaking, the level of time and emotional commitment is similar to casual dating, but there is a certain amount of financial commitment depending on the arrangement. It is somewhere between casual dating and committed relationship as the following table illustrates.
Casual NSA Sugar Committed
Dating Relationship Relationship Marriage
Time commitment Low Low-Medium Medium-High High
Emotional commitment Low Low Medium-High High
Financial commitment None Depend on the Low-Medium High
Arrangement
Legal commitment None None None YES
Sugardaddy Chronicles
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
What is NSA? - Part 2
Part 2 - The NSA Paradox
How many young attractive SB's have said that most SD's fall in love with her quickly and want to have a serious relationship instead?? As a result, it usually caused the sugar relationship/arrangement to end sooner than expected.
How do most men typically deal with very attractive women? They become possessive and want to keep her for himself because he’s afraid that she might find someone better. Being possessive leads to jealousy, insecurity, and being clingy and controlling, which is unattractive and will eventually drive her away.
NSA means not being possessive, it means letting go and not stay awake at night and wonder who she’s with and what she’s doing without you. By setting her free, it shows the confidence you have in yourself, and she may become more attracted to you as a result.
Thus the NSA paradox – setting someone free without strings may actually make the sugar relationship last longer.
Act like you’ve dated very attractive woman before. You appreciate her beauty and personality but you're not overwhelmed or intimidated by it. She is with you because she wants to be with you, not because you want to keep her to yourself and not only because of the arrangement.
Every time I hear a SB tells me that most men fall for her right away, I reply with: "don’t worry, PYT, as a married family man falling in love with you is a luxury I don’t have." The same goes for SB's who don't want to consider married SD's because they're afraid to be a home wrecker or break up a marriage. My response would be "what makes you think that will be the case?"
Young attractive women could date guys her age, and maybe even wealthy ones, and end up with what? A possessive, jealous, and controlling boyfriend? Wouldn't she be better off with someone more mature, more established, and someone who knows what NSA is and can set her free...
Coming up - Part 3, Level of Commitment
Thursday, February 3, 2011
What is NSA? - Part 1
No Strings Attached... or is it No Sex Allowed?? :)
This is one of my favorite topics in the sugar world and I’m sure everyone has an opinion about it. As I have said in the past, no strings doesn’t mean no feelings. When you spend enough time with someone then naturally some feelings are going to develop. The key is how you keep those feelings and emotions under control to make sure the relationship remains NSA. It takes experience and maturity to make it work and it’s not for everyone, and some are not able to handle NSA despite their best intentions.
Let’s compare NSA to regular dating and see what some of the differences are. For example, is there “love” and “commitment” that can lead to a future of happily ever after?? No, not in the traditional sense. By “commitment” I’m referring to the longevity and exclusivity of a relationship. Do you meet each other’s friends and families and talk to them about the relationship? For the most part, no. Do you go through the usual courting rituals before having sex? No, not necessarily.
NSA could mean different things to different people as there are many shades of grays, and some people may consider certain aspects of NSA more important than others. What NSA should be… when you’re together you enjoy each other’s company to the fullest, and when you’re apart you have your own busy lives. There are feelings when you’re together and you can certainly care for each other. But there shouldn’t be symptoms of emotional attachment when you're apart, such as being insecure, clingy, possessive, etc that can lead to all sorts of drama.
How easy it is to end a NSA relationship can depend on how long you’ve been together. Obviously it can be more difficult to end a relationship after a year or more compared to one that lasted only a few months. Some have mentioned the three month “curse”, and as I’ve said in the past, in general I don’t consider anything less than 3 months as an “arrangement”. It’s more like an experiment that didn’t work out. I’d consider six months and longer as “long term”. It also depends on whether it’s local or long distance. Long distance one’s usually don’t last as long due to the time, distance, and logistics involved.
My #1 rule for NSA arrangement is “don’t get emotionally attached”, and #2 rule is “keep the relationship simple”. If you find it difficult to end a relationship then chances are there may be some emotional attachment and the relationship is no longer simple. But NSA is still NSA, you can mutually agree to end it and you both move on. That’s how it’s supposed to work but I know it’s easier said than done. As I mentioned before, during my first 3 years in the sugar world I had plenty of drama filled relationships that ended in train wrecks and explosive break ups. But since then I’ve learned my lessons and had much more enjoyable sugar relationships that lasted longer and still kept them NSA.
When you apply NSA to regular dating then it’s basically casual dating, and I think we all know what that is as we’ve probably all done it before. What makes it different in the sugar world is of course the sugar, or the arrangement aspect. The arrangement in a sugar relationship helps to keep it NSA by establishing clear boundaries and expectations that you normally wouldn’t have in regular dating. That’s why sugar and NSA usually go hand in hand together. Without the sugar you’ll likely slip down that slippery slope into… gasp… the drama of regular dating!! :)
Coming up, Part 2 - The NSA Paradox
This is one of my favorite topics in the sugar world and I’m sure everyone has an opinion about it. As I have said in the past, no strings doesn’t mean no feelings. When you spend enough time with someone then naturally some feelings are going to develop. The key is how you keep those feelings and emotions under control to make sure the relationship remains NSA. It takes experience and maturity to make it work and it’s not for everyone, and some are not able to handle NSA despite their best intentions.
Let’s compare NSA to regular dating and see what some of the differences are. For example, is there “love” and “commitment” that can lead to a future of happily ever after?? No, not in the traditional sense. By “commitment” I’m referring to the longevity and exclusivity of a relationship. Do you meet each other’s friends and families and talk to them about the relationship? For the most part, no. Do you go through the usual courting rituals before having sex? No, not necessarily.
NSA could mean different things to different people as there are many shades of grays, and some people may consider certain aspects of NSA more important than others. What NSA should be… when you’re together you enjoy each other’s company to the fullest, and when you’re apart you have your own busy lives. There are feelings when you’re together and you can certainly care for each other. But there shouldn’t be symptoms of emotional attachment when you're apart, such as being insecure, clingy, possessive, etc that can lead to all sorts of drama.
How easy it is to end a NSA relationship can depend on how long you’ve been together. Obviously it can be more difficult to end a relationship after a year or more compared to one that lasted only a few months. Some have mentioned the three month “curse”, and as I’ve said in the past, in general I don’t consider anything less than 3 months as an “arrangement”. It’s more like an experiment that didn’t work out. I’d consider six months and longer as “long term”. It also depends on whether it’s local or long distance. Long distance one’s usually don’t last as long due to the time, distance, and logistics involved.
My #1 rule for NSA arrangement is “don’t get emotionally attached”, and #2 rule is “keep the relationship simple”. If you find it difficult to end a relationship then chances are there may be some emotional attachment and the relationship is no longer simple. But NSA is still NSA, you can mutually agree to end it and you both move on. That’s how it’s supposed to work but I know it’s easier said than done. As I mentioned before, during my first 3 years in the sugar world I had plenty of drama filled relationships that ended in train wrecks and explosive break ups. But since then I’ve learned my lessons and had much more enjoyable sugar relationships that lasted longer and still kept them NSA.
When you apply NSA to regular dating then it’s basically casual dating, and I think we all know what that is as we’ve probably all done it before. What makes it different in the sugar world is of course the sugar, or the arrangement aspect. The arrangement in a sugar relationship helps to keep it NSA by establishing clear boundaries and expectations that you normally wouldn’t have in regular dating. That’s why sugar and NSA usually go hand in hand together. Without the sugar you’ll likely slip down that slippery slope into… gasp… the drama of regular dating!! :)
Coming up, Part 2 - The NSA Paradox
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