Mixing Love and Sugar - Part 9

Part 9 - Life Goes On

"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." That's how I felt when I finally pieced together all the information I had and got to the bottom of the rabbit hole. Although I felt liberated and motivated to move on, I can't help but think about how the experience has affected me as a person and the way I approached my next sugar relationship.

I appreciated all the support, opinion, and advice I received from several SD/SB "friends". Of course they all told me to put her out of my mind and move on. But it wasn't that simple. She, or more accurately the idea of her, was still on my mind subconsciously. I found myself comparing every pot SB I met to her since I still had a picture of her as the prefect SB in my mind.  

This of course was unfair to the pot SB's I met and unfair to myself because the person I thought I knew never really existed.

One of my SD friends asked me some probing questions. "Had you known she was doing this, would you have felt the same way about her?" Well, of course not. Had I known that it was all a game to her, I would have played along and never fell for her. "If you had found out what's really going on, would that have changed the outcome?" Probably not, because the outcome wasn't really in my control.

She was playing her game and I was just a piece of the puzzle or a bump on the road to her.

Then he had some words of wisdom for me. He said that I needed to change my opinion of her because the perfect image that I created in my mind never existed. I need to see her as who she really was, a ruthless "player" who used and manipulated men for her own goals. She was seeing three SD's at the same time and made each one believe that he was the only one for her and made them fall for her. She was a habitual liar and concocted an elaborate alternate reality for those around her. She was incapable of telling the truth to deal with reality.

She had some real issues that she needed to deal with herself.

Until I truly get over her, I will not find what I was looking for because I was focused on the shortcomings of the pot SB's I met and comparing them to someone who doesn't exist. Instead, I should focus on the strengths and weaknesses of the pot SBs and evaluate them on their own merit.  Those words of wisdom may sound like common sense, but it was a revelation for me at the time. Even though I thought I had moved on by finding out the truth, the fact is that I hadn't. I still had happy memories of my time together with her and the sweet things she said to me.

I finally had to find a way to look deep within myself and admit those memories don't really exist.

In the mean time, life goes on.

The end.