This article, like most media coverage about the sugar world, seems to revolve around 3 topics:
1. Is sugar relationship for companionship only or is sex involved?
I think it should surprise no one that most sugar relationships involve sex, just like most adult dating relationships. However, there seem to be some SB's who want to perpetuate the impression that most SD's only want companionship, and it would be beneath them to have sex with older men for money. While platonic sugar relationships certainly exist, it's clearly a small niche so let's not delude ourselves to think that most SD's don't want sex.
2. If sugar relationship involve money and sex, then isn't it prostitution?
As I mentioned in one of my blog posts, the issues of SB's vs Escorts is a popular topic but it's been debated ad nauseum. The bottom line is some people like myself clearly see the difference and there are those who don't, and that's ok. According to Jennifer in the article: "My situation is different in a number of different ways. First of all, I don't engage with a high volume of people, instead choosing one or two men I actually like spending time with and have decided to develop a friendship with them. And while sex is involved, the focus is on providing friendship. It's not only about getting paid."
As I mentioned in one of my blog posts, the issues of SB's vs Escorts is a popular topic but it's been debated ad nauseum. The bottom line is some people like myself clearly see the difference and there are those who don't, and that's ok. According to Jennifer in the article: "My situation is different in a number of different ways. First of all, I don't engage with a high volume of people, instead choosing one or two men I actually like spending time with and have decided to develop a friendship with them. And while sex is involved, the focus is on providing friendship. It's not only about getting paid."
3. How much money is involved in a sugar arrangement and how long does it last?
Most SB's would tell you that they want a long term arrangement based on monthly allowance which is the type of ideal situation often discussed in the SA Blog. While there is no doubt that some SB's have received a steady monthly allowance plus all the extras (gifts, travel, fine dining, etc), the article portrays a reality that p4p is prevalent and cited a study that showed arrangements last only three to four months on average.
Most SB's would tell you that they want a long term arrangement based on monthly allowance which is the type of ideal situation often discussed in the SA Blog. While there is no doubt that some SB's have received a steady monthly allowance plus all the extras (gifts, travel, fine dining, etc), the article portrays a reality that p4p is prevalent and cited a study that showed arrangements last only three to four months on average.
Here are some more observations about the article:
- According to SA, the ratio of SB to SD is about 10 to 1, and 40% of SD's are married. This is fairly consistent with my understanding.
- 35% of SB's on SA are college students as identified by their .edu email addy. However, this measure does not include students from vocational schools and those who don't use .edu addy, so the actual percentage who are students is likely to be higher.
- SA gives free premium membership to SB's who use their .edu addy and certify them as "college sugar baby"! Is this one of the best kept secrets or am I slow to the party? :)
- The article opened with Taylor, a 22yo from Harlem who goes to meet her much older SD for the first time in Greenwich. She meets him at his house with no prior agreement as to what would happen and end up having sex with him for $350. She failed to do the 3 simple things a newbie SB should do as I mentioned in this post. The article didn't mention whether she'll see him again.
- Jack, a 70yo SD in NYC who prefers SB's under 25, provides 500/night plus fine dining and shopping. Apparently he has no shortage of SB's to choose from with what he offers. And I thought SB's in NYC drive a hard bargain based on everything I've seen in SB's blogs! :)
- Suzanne, a 25yo in NYC sees her 39yo SD in NJ for dinner and sex at 400-500 per meet. They've had 3 dates and the article stated: "While the men typically pay per meeting, Suzanne is hoping to set up an ongoing hookup."
- Dayanara, a 23yo exotic mix, had a 5k/month arrangement with an investment bank exec in NYC. The article didn't say how long it lasted. Now she has 3 SD's and she said she could get 2500 for a night of dinner and sex. She also works as a topless masseuse... but why work at all (especially as a topless masseuse) if she has 3 SD's giving her good money? Something doesn't sound right.
Jennifer, 23yo from NYC, flew to visit a 30 something banker in FL for the first time. She end up spending the night at a hotel with him and had sex for 1k. Apparently it worked out well for her, but the SB blogs are full of horror stories about SB's who traveled for their first meet.
I think stories like these are closer to reality than some of the more sensationalized portrayal full of stereotypes we've seen in the past. I found two of the points made in the article very interesting, here's the first one:
"Six of the eight women interviewed for this article mentioned the longer-term psychological toll of pretending to be someone else. Double lives and dual identities are common for both the women and men involved in sugar relationships."
"Six of the eight women interviewed for this article mentioned the longer-term psychological toll of pretending to be someone else. Double lives and dual identities are common for both the women and men involved in sugar relationships."
Most people thought women in the sugar world could be psychologically damaged by having sex with older men they just met or haven't known for very long. It's interesting to see that may not be as big of an issue as the stress caused by living a double life. And here's the second:
Weitzer also sees a potential danger for young women getting sucked into making large sums of money and later finding it difficult to abandon such a lifestyle. "The more you make, the harder it becomes to transition away from,"..."For someone who's been doing it for a while, it can be difficult to stop doing it and suddenly transition into a normal job or date men without as many resources."
This is why I have often talked about the "end game" or "exit strategy" in the sugar world. For SB's who have a generous arrangement and living way beyond their means, what happens when it ends?? All sugar relationships eventually come to an end except in rare cases it could turn into an IRL relationship, and it usually ends sooner than expected.
After the article was published, KABC radio interviewed two SB's about the article and you can listen to the podcast here. Both SB's insisted that their arrangement is for companionship only, and it includes thousands in allowance plus extras, and they will get out of the sugar world after their loans are paid off. The talk show hosts were understandably skeptical since what the SB's described was in stark contrast to what was in the article.
As I said, I thought the article realistically portrayed what's actually happening in the sugar world unlike some of the more sensationalized stereotype of the past. This may burst some people's bubbles and some may find it depressing and discouraging, but it's better to know what's out there so you can be prepared to deal with it and find what you're looking for.
As I said, I thought the article realistically portrayed what's actually happening in the sugar world unlike some of the more sensationalized stereotype of the past. This may burst some people's bubbles and some may find it depressing and discouraging, but it's better to know what's out there so you can be prepared to deal with it and find what you're looking for.
