Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Questions Newbie SB's Should Ask

One of the most common problems I found with newbie SB’s is that they are not clear about what kind of sugar they’re looking for and what they’re able to offer in return. As the saying goes, if you don’t know what you’re looking for then you probably won’t be able to find it.  Or worse, they're prone to get into situations that they're not comfortable with and get taken advantage of.  The SB blogs are full of stories like that.

Every newbie SB should be able to answer 3 simple questions about herself:

(1) Why have you chosen to pursue a sugar relationship instead of a traditional relationship? (saying I saw it on Tyra doesn’t count!)

(2) What would you like your SD to provide for you? (don’t say “show me the money!”)
and most importantly,

(3) What can you offer in return? (think about what sets you apart from other SB’s).

Once you have a clear understanding of how to answer these 3 questions and can articulate it to pot SD’s, then you’re well on your way to finding what you’re looking for.

First two questions every newbie SB should ask her pot SD:

Question #1 – Why do you want to be a SD?

How sugar dating differs from regular dating is the “sugar” aspect of the relationship. After all, people are looking for a SD or SB for a reason, otherwise they should be on regular dating sites. Find out what that reason is and see if you have similar views and expectations.

Question #2 – What’s been your experience with this type of relationship/arrangement?

If the answer to #2 is “none”, then ask “How do you envision this type of relationship to work?”

Newbie SB’s should determine whether it’s a good idea to get involved with a newbie SD. IMO at least one of the parties should be experienced in order to have a better chance for success.  If the answer to #2 is “experienced”, then ask “What kind of arrangement did you have with your previous SB?” There is no need to go into details initially, but you should get a general idea of what was involved to see if it’s similar to your expectations.

When to bring up the topic of sugar?

A sugar relationship could be whatever two people can agree on as long as the sugar brings “value” to both parties. As to when to bring this up, I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking about sugar early in the process by either the SD or SB. Unlike regular dating, you shouldn’t leave things open ended and see what happens, otherwise the process could drag on without any tangible results. If there is no travel involved, maybe you can discuss sugar when you meet in person. But if there is travel involved, then you should have a clear understanding of what each other’s expectations are before making travel arrangements.

I understand some people may misrepresent themselves, so there is an issue of trust and respect as well. Do you think the pot you’re talking to can be trusted and has respect for you? That’s a judgment call each person will have to decide for themselves.  I hope this helps all the newbies out there

5 comments:

  1. :) Nice post Guru!

    I have always had the answers to those 3 questions. But I question my answer to question #3. What sets me apart by what I can offer an SD. LOL Sometimes, I wonder if I'm supposed to have some kind of a special talent like swallowing swords! hehehe

    I understand the answer still falls in a regular category of what the majority of men enjoy? - Flexible schedule to spend time with him, going out to movies, making him dinner maybe? (If the girl is a good cook)...And of course relaxing in the bedroom. Playing around, flirting, pillow talk,etc... Or maybe even traveling with him if he needs to go away on business.

    I'm not sure if that kind of an answer would set me apart from other women? What grabs your attention when an SB answers question #3?

    Thanks :D

    Sexy Sadie

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  2. Great posts- I know all of my answers to those questions...I have concluded that while I have met men who qualify to be SD's none of them have ever been experienced with it and thats why my success rate has always been low- as far as long term arrangement...Hmmmm...Where is a good place to find Veteran SD's?!

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  3. @Sadie - Don't sell yourself short and take things for granted. For example, not everyone has a flexible schedule and can travel. Think about what is unique in your situation that will enable you to offer something that others may not be able to.

    @ChicagoSB - As I've mentioned before, a pot SD's wealth and lifestyle may not be a reliable indicator for how generous he is willing to be for his SB. And if you're looking for an allowance SD then your best bet is to find one who is already experienced in providing an allowance.

    As to where to find veteran SD's, since my sugar experience came from the sd sites, that's the point of reference I have. I've heard others say that finding them in real life is easier/better than finding them online but I have no first hand experience.

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  4. I am new to the Sugar life and after reading this, I understand where I have been going wrong. I can't filter through flakes well so far but I am learning fast. I was starting to get jaded but after reading and doing more research, I get it takes time to get a read SD. I am loving your blog so far. Thanks for all the advice from a SD's side.

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  5. Remember that your experience in the sugar world will largely be shaped by the decisions you make. So do you research and screen diligently, and you'll make smarter decisions to improve your experience. Good luck!

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