The 5 Stages of Sugar

The last question of the SB Q&A was:

Explain the process by which a Sugar relationship should escalate and advance.

This is what I call "The 5 Stages of Sugar".  I've seen in various blogs where SB's described their experiences, both good and not so good.  I think it will be useful to look at different stages in the sugar world and some common questions for each stage to put those experiences in perspective. I’ll try to be brief and just mention the challenges involved in each stage. But obviously there is a lot more to discuss which I’ll explain at the end.

1. The Contact

This is the first stage in sugar world when pot SB’s and SD’s correspond with each other before meeting in person. Keep in mind anyone can put up a profile and call himself a SD or herself a SB, but that doesn’t necessarily make it so. Most dialogs don’t get past this stage due to people being disrespectful and ignorant as we’ve seen from many blog stories. This is where the flakes, weirdos, time wasters should be identified and discarded.

Frequently asked questions:
- Should I contact pot SD’s or wait to be contacted?
- How do I weed out the flakes from the real ones?

2. The Meet

The purpose of the first meeting is to find out whether there is chemistry, compatibility, and common expectations on both sides. Sometimes it may take more than one meeting to find out. If the meeting is local then it should be easy to meet for drinks, lunch or dinner without any pressure or expectations on either side. But if travel is involved then it’s best to make sure expectations for the meeting are clearly communicated and understood by both. It’s not uncommon to think everything will work out fine before you meet and then to find out that’s not the case. Or the person may have misrepresented themselves in some way. Unfortunately this is where you can end up with clingers and stalkers described in many blog stories.

Frequently asked questions:
- Should I travel to meet a pot SD?
- How much personal info should I give out or ask for before the meet?

3. The Discussion

After you have a good meet and decided there is mutual interest to pursue further, then it’s time for an open and honest discussion about the arrangement. Keep in mind the discussion could happen before the meet or during the meet as well. It’s important to clearly communicate expectations on both sides. Such as, amount of allowance, gifts/travel, frequency and duration of meetings, how you will spend your time together, etc. SD’s should realize that each SB’s situation is different and what works for one SB may not work for another. Therefore, it’s important for a SD to spoil/support his SB in a way that makes a difference to her.

Frequently asked questions:
- How do I ask for what I really want?
- How do I get an allowance from a gift/travel SD?

4. The Arrangement

After you have mutually agreed on an arrangement, I will now pronounce you SD and SB!! :)  Some people thought they have found their SD/SB before getting to this stage, but that can be premature. For an arrangement to work, both parties should act in good faith to build trust. This may take some time to establish as both parties adjust to their roles and start doing what they said they will do. Some arrangements may fall apart quickly as the reality of an arrangement sets in.

Frequently asked questions:
- Should I have sex before getting the sugar?
- What should I do if my SD is not providing what he promised?

5. The Bliss?

When an arrangement is in place for some time and it’s working well, it’s possible that unforeseen circumstances may cause either party to make temporary adjustments or to evaluate whether the arrangement should be modified. In some cases both parties may mutually agree to end the arrangement if there are irreconcilable differences. All good things must come to an end and in a NSA relationship that is to be expected. In the meantime, just relax and enjoy the sugar!!

Frequently asked questions:
- What if my SD wants more than NSA?
- What if my SD can no longer provide what he agreed to?

Now that I have described the 5 Stages of Sugar, I’m sure more questions will come to mind. Such as, how do I progress from one stage to the next? And, how long should each stage take? This post is already too long so I’ll stop here.