Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Sex, Money, and Sugar - Part 3

Part 3 - Escorts vs SB's

This is another popular topic in the sugar world.  When sex and money are involved some people take a black and white view, while others understand there can be many shades of grays. 

What constitutes an escort

Many years ago when I dealt with escorts on a regular basis it was pretty clear to me what constitutes an escort.  They advertise their services with clearly defined rates and there is no screening other than for safety.  It was easy to arrange an appointment and there was no need to consider mutual attraction, compatibility and chemistry so just about anyone who can pay the advertised rate can do it.  To really get what I want in terms of looks and services it took some work to research escort reviews to make sure my money was well spent.

In general there are three factors that characterize escorts.

- Volume. Escorts tend to have sex with a larger number of men.
- Availability. Escorts will usually have sex with just about anyone who can pay their asking rate.
- Service. Escort's service level (ie what she is willing to do) is usually well documented through reviews.  I understand YMMV, but most of the time it's fairly consistent and replicable. 

So, just because sex and money are involved in a particular situation, does that automatically make the woman an escort?  Apply the criteria I described above and see where she fits.

Pro vs non Pro attitude

Instead of escort vs SB, I prefer to look at it as pro vs non pro. It's more about the attitude or mentality of the woman and less about what the arrangement is or what she does for a living.

A pro attitude means that she values money as the most important criteria. There are other factors she'll consider but it still comes down to money. For example, a typical stripper or VIP hostess type who is not an escort can still have a pro mentality. They think in terms of how much they can make a night working without having sex with anyone, then argue why should they take the same or less money to have sex with someone. With this type of attitude they will typically look for the highest bidder and there is usually a clear linkage between money and performance.

A non pro attitude means that while money is an important factor, it's not the most important one. She will take other factors into consideration such as chemistry, attraction, compatibility, etc. She usually thinks about money in terms of what she needs and not what the perceived "market rate" is. If the money offered suites her needs and she likes who she's spending time with, then that's good enough for her. They don't go to the highest bidder because they don't necessarily think of putting a price on what they do. There is less direct linkage between money and performance.

Also, their attitude may not be related to their experience level or what they do for a living. There are newbie SB's who will approach it with a pro attitude thinking if they're going to do it at all then they want to get the most money possible, while other newbies have no clue what they want and what they're willing to do.  There are some escorts on SD sites who will approach it with a non pro attitude as well.

The Escort Fallacy

It's not unusual to see some SBs compare themselves to escort rates for their allowance expectations.  Their thinking is if an escort can get $X / Hour or $Y / Day, then surely they're worth a lot more. While that thinking may appear to be reasonable and logical, from a SD’s perspective it’s really counter productive. Being a SD means that we’re not looking to pay by the hour or by the day for an one time trasnaction. That’s what escorts are for. We’re looking for someone we enjoy being with and care about to build an on-going relationship. And on top of that we're willing to provide the financial assistance she needs to make her life easier and reach her goals.

If a SB wants to be paid the equivalent of an hourly or daily rate, then that could really turn some SD's off so I’d suggest they don’t get into the “escort fallacy”. A better way is to think about what your needs and goals are and explain that clearly to the SD and let him know your expectations. If a SD’s offer does not meet your expectation, then simply thank him for his time, decline his offer and move on.  There is no need to justify a SB's "worth" by comparing herself to escorts.  I'm not saying SB's doesn't "deserve" more than escorts, I'm just saying there are better ways to convince a SD of your "worth" than comparing yourself to escorts.

Coming up, Part 4 - Trust, Allowance, and Intimacy


  1. "We’re looking for someone we enjoy being with and care about to build an on-going relationship." - I wonder what kind of care goes in to it? With my current sugar dad, it sounds like all he cares about is how much I put out.

    On days when I'm on my period he even cuts the visit short but a few hours. Saying stuff like, "Oh I hope you don't mind but I got a business meeting I have to go to. I won't be able to stay the full time."

    So here is the question...How many SugarDads actually care about the girl compared to the ones that only care about their dick? (percentage comparison)

    Thx ;)


  2. That's an interesting question! I took a look at your blog to understand where you're coming from. As I read it I can't help but think I know where it's probably headed.

    As for answering your question, almost all SD's care about their dick, that should be no surprise to anyone. But some also care for their SB's! :)

    Take a look at the "Why Wealthy Men Choose to be SDs" post in July and see if your SD fits any of those criteria.

  3. SD Guru,

    Well my SD is married so he needs - discretion, reliability, and no strings attached. I wouldn't put him in the category of longevity or generosity (even though he pays me the amount we agreed on).

    The reason I say (no longevity) because he's been married for 5 years...2 years ago his wife had a child. And he's already straying from her. That's a bad sign! He is very impulsive. Married her right away, and got bored of her fast. She is only 12 years older than I am.

  4. @M: how many SD's care about their SB vs. how many care about their dick, percent wise? Let's not split hairs and call it 50 / 50.
    Depending where you look, you have a good chance of finding someone who cares about short term screwing, only.
    You also have the same chance of finding someone who actually is a decent human being and cares about you (and his dick at the same time), because he may see a lot of himself in you, when he was a younger person facing the same issues you are facing.

  5. @David - One could also argue that guys who care only about their dick shouldn't be called SD's! :)

    @M - That's interesting, you don't think it's going to last and you don't think he's generous. So why are you still in it?

    I think the NSA aspect is on a slippery slope and it could blow up if you're not careful in maintaining boundaries in the relationship. For a married SD to spend several nights at a local SB's place is a recipe for disaster. Add to that his possessive tendency and the slip up with allowance, my guess is that what he really wants is a "girlfriend" he could fall for.

    Perhaps your hunch that it's not going to last is right!

  6. Well I will take your words as good advice. The only person who can keep this going would be me, if I maintain boundaries. Which I will make sure to do so.

    He is going to do an over night again in a few days...but his family isn't going to be in town. So he's safe for the time being.

  7. Love the elaboration,very clear and true.

  8. What is it with men and thinking that strippers are having sex. Sheesh!! If I ran a club and had 20 of the hottest strippers working there I'd fire the one who's having sex. Why? Because the 19 other strippers would leave and work somewhere else. I wouldn't make any money off the strippers if they weren't working. I make money off the strippers getting either 25 or 50% (I forget what it was) off what they make per night in the VIP rooms. They only get to keep what we make on stage.

    Again, I didn't read the rest and you probably said something good about us.

  9. @Chloebaby - Most strip clubs frown upon their strippers doing extras at the club. But the reality is that it still happens. However, that's not what I was referring to. I'm talking about the stripper types that you meet on sd sites.

  10. But we're not all like that. Don't consider me one of those stripper types you meet on sd sites.

  11. Of course not. It's a generalization I made about the stripper types. There are always exceptions and it wasn't directed at anyone specifically.

  12. ok sorry. I just get really defensive when it comes to women. bad habit of mine.

    you're still cool :p

  13. This entry is brilliant. It really makes a lot of things that are in my own head, so much more clear. I'm so glad I found your blog, it's wonderful to see the SD side of things.

  14. Great discussion. Sorry I'm so late to the thread. I struggled mightily with the pro vs. non-pro mentality. My GF (I hated the term SB) and I were together three years. Her allowance was $1,000 a month and we only got together twice a month. It was perfect for both of us: NSA, but still with enough room to grow fond of each other (which we did, deeply), and the most ideal sexual partnership two people have ever had who were 25 years apart in age. I am married and had no intention of ever taking things to another level with her, but it would have been so tempting had she indicated any desire to go there. Because the allowance was not extravagant given the fact that we were in a high-rent city, the sexual and emotional chemistry were essential. I would say that the lower allowance made a deeper relationship possible. Alas, I miss her so much since she moved in with her (real) BF.

  15. I was a stripper for 5 years. When I first went into the business, I thought most girls were decent & didn't have sex or do "extras" with the men they danced for. By the time I left the business, I learned about 97-99% do... EVEN that good girl stripper who doesn't drink all night & is only there to pay tuition... she's at least doing extras. And by the way, they pay the club owners a set "house fee" every night. It's NOT per Vip dance. It could be $20 or $80 or more or less, depending on the club. Club owners make most of their money off the bar (liquor sales). Strippers also pay other fees though, like a set fee for the bouncers protection, the DJ who plays their music, the house mom who brings them food-makeup-tampons, etc. People should not talk about that which they know nothing about b/c they just end up confusing others & setting unrealistic expectations.

    Great article by the way. Love your blog as well.