Friday, August 5, 2011

Questions From a Newbie SB

Hi, I found your blog through google and I have to say that I LOVE it...anyways, I have some questions that I'm hoping you can answer for me....I am completely new to the SB world and I'm going on my first date.  I am absolutely terrified.  How do I bring up the allowance/what we expect from each other in public?  After we finish lunch, am I expected to go back with him? Should I be prepared for judging people/the looks when I sit down to eat with a man who is clearly much older than I?  Is sex expected? What if the man is an undercover cop, can't I get in trouble? I'm also very concerned about my safety.  What should I do to keep myself as safe as possible before and after we meet? Please help! 

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Thanks for reading my blog!  These questions are very common among newbies, so just relax and be yourself.  Use common sense at all times and don't do anything you're not comfortable with.  Now let's take your questions one by one...

- After we finish lunch, am I expected to go back with him?

The key to a successful first meet is to communicate clearly about expectations of the meeting BEFORE you meet.  Typically the first meeting is at a public place for you to get to know each other and see if there is chemistry and common interests to meet again and take things further.  So the answer is no, you shouldn't be expected to go back with him after lunch.  But if that's what he expects then he should have clearly communicated that to you.  Then it's up to you to use common sense and decide whether it's something you're comfortable with.

- Should I be prepared for judging people/the looks when I sit down to eat with a man who is clearly much older than I?

Yes, if he looks much older than you then you should be prepared for unwanted attention when you're out in public with him.  Ask yourself how much this bothers you and whether it's something you can handle or not.  If you don't think you can handle it then be honest with him and let him know.  And in the future you should take this into consideration when you talk to pot SD's.

- Is sex expected? What if the man is an undercover cop, can't I get in trouble?

Sex should not be expected during the first meeting unless the two of you have already discussed and agreed to it.  You can get into trouble with law enforcement only if you explicitly agree to a sex for money transaction.

- How do I bring up the allowance/what we expect from each other in public? 


Most newbies get stressed out about this subject and agonize over it when there is really no reason to.  See my blog post about "Questions Newbie SB's Should Ask".  If he's an experienced SD then he should be expecting the discussion about allowance to come up at some point, if he doesn't bring it up first.  I'd suggest that you describe your allowance expectations in terms of a goal or target you're trying to achieve.  Such as, paying down credit card debt or student loan, or to help with living expenses.  Or, if an allowance is not the most important thing to you and you're more interested in living a better lifestyle (shopping, fine dining, travel, etc), then clearly communicate that to him as well.

- I'm also very concerned about my safety.  What should I do to keep myself as safe as possible before and after we meet?

Always meet at a public place for the first meeting, clearly communicate the expectations of the meeting, and let a friend know where you are at all times.  You'll be surprised at how many newbie SB's fail to take these 3 simple steps.


Enjoy your meeting and good luck!

2 comments:

  1. hi. i really like ur blog! i have a question here myself. am 20 years old and dating this 40 year old widower. we met online through craigs list. i had placed an ad stating i wanted a financial stable older guy. we met and everything went on well. his wife had died recently and i helped him cope with that too. we have been together for like 4 months. he said he loves me and asked me to be his girlfriend. he also says that he has never done this whole dating a younger girl thing or respond to those kind of ads. should i take this as a sign of him wanting to get more serious? though he always hides the relationship and doesnt like me questioning him about how he spends his time. he also said he doesnt want to get married again and doesnt like dramma. btw, he does give me alot of money coz he is rich. so, is this just a SD relationship or the real deal?

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  2. The question is, what do YOU want? Do you want a SD, or do you want a bf in a committed LTR? When you're in doubt about his intentions, remember that action speaks louder than words. Watch what he does for clues, not just what he says.

    For examples: "He said he loves me and asked me to be his girlfriend." vs "he always hides the relationship and doesn't like me questioning how he spends his time." What does that tell you?

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