"Is it prostitution, or a brutally honest search for happiness?"...
The announcer asked rhetorically as the Nightline segment began. First part of the video featured Tommy, a 63 year old SD who is thrice divorced, and Monty, a 21 year old college student who has been his SB for two years. He said he paid for her tuition and drops $5k a month on her. It's always interesting to dig a little deeper behind the numbers. Is the $5k/month on top of the tuition? And what portion of that is shopping/travel vs allowance? The video also showed her thanking him for her boob job. How did that factor into the equation? By the way, did anyone notice the size of Monty's tattoos?
Like previous media coverages, the video sensationalizes the sugar world and reinforces stereotypes in the name of entertainment. Of course the SD is older looking with gray hairs, lives in a water front mansion with a housekeeper and chauffeur, has exotic cars, travels the world, and only shops at high end stores, etc etc. The SB is of course a young college student, slim, attractive, and broke. We know in reality there are many types of SD and SB's, but the media contniues to perpetuate these stereotypes that the general public have come to expect.
Then we find out Tommy has 6 other SB's (!!) and he spends $150k per year as a SD. Again, if we dig a little deeper into the numbers, that implies there is $90K left for him to spend on the other 6 SB's which amounts to $1250/month each. Does Monty know she's only 1 of his 7 SB's? And how would his other SB's feel about getting the short end of the deal compared to what Monty got??
Tommy compared SB's to nice cars and explained that there are different levels of SB's like there are Walmart SB's and Neiman SB's, it just depends on which price range you want to shop in.. He also said he would not have SB's for companionship only, because sex is an important part of the sugar relationship. Some might take issues with his comments, but I think he's just being honest. For a wealthy man like him with plenty of disposable income, choosing to spend money on cars is like choosing to spend money on SB's. He wants the wow and arm candy factor and is willing to spend more to get the "look at what I have" effect.
Monty said: "I'm just having fun... I experience things I would have never experienced without him." But when asked about having sex with a much older man, she said: "It is what it is... we all mature... so I'm going to be old one day and I hope I'll get loving too." She was clearly uncomfortable with the question and we can interpret it to mean that she wasn't excited about having sex with Tommy. But then.... should a young woman have sex with guys her age in the name of love and passion but gets nothing out of it, or is she smarter by having sex with an older man who can take care of her?? I thought the best quote was when Tommy was asked whether this is prostitution, he said "You pay somehow somewhere for sex no matter what it is."
The second part of the video features 24 year old Olympia who is a student and juggles mulitple SD's. She's been a SB for 5 years and she's got her $15k tuition paid for, brand new boobs (see a trend here?), etc etc. She was at the airport going to meet her main SD, Larry, in Louisiana. But her other SD, Kenny, met her at the airport to see her off. Then Kenny asked Olympia if she needs money and she said yes, so he took out a wad of benjamins and gave her what appeared to be $500. The whole scene just looked manipulative on Olympia's part and tacky on Kenny's part. If Kenny knew she was going to see another SD, would he still come to the airport to send her off and give her cash?
Then came the most interesting part of the video... Larry is a Mormon from Utah and he has been Olympia's SD for a year and a half. When Larry was asked whether there is sex in the relationship he said: "No... not at this point... we don't believe in having pre-martial sex."
SERIOUSLY??
In the video you can tell by Larry and Olympia's body language that somebody is probably lying. Does Larry know she has other SD's? And is Olympia having sex with other SD's but not with Larry?? Inquiring minds want to know! LOL... Olympia described having a SD without sleeping with him is like "a dream". Well, in the sugar world that is indeed a dream for most SB's, not a reality.
The last part of the video shows a sobbing Monty saying: "sometimes it gets to me to know that he's my only way of income." Then a wistful Olympia said being in a sugar relationship does get lonely for her because "that person can't always be there for me when I need them to be."
Then the voice over concludes: "An emotional loss they believe is worth the financial gains."
In addition to the questions I thought should have been asked above, it would be nice if the segment went into the "end game" or "exit strategy" for the SB's. Since both SB's are college students, we'd presume that they know there is life after sugar and have made plans for it. Overall, this segment is similar to others where media coverage of the sugar world always focus on two main topics: “is it prostitution” and “is sex involved”. So from that perspective it’s more of the same. However, it was good to see that Tommy, Monty, and Olympia gave thoughtful responses as described in the SA Blog.
All things considered, this segment turned out as good as can be expected, so kudos to Brandon at SA for pulling it off!!
Sugardaddy Chronicles
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
A Valentine's Fantasy - His Version, Part 1
It's that time of the year already, and someone from the SA Blog reminded me that I should finish "A Valentine's Fantasy, Her Version" by posting "his version." Please note the usual disclaimers apply.
She first contacted him through one of the online sugar discussion groups, then from that initial email it developed into a conversation about their views on sugar relationships. She was new to the concept and was intrigued by the idea of being a modern day courtesan/geisha. She was single, mid 30's, no kids, mature, intelligent, articulate, and writes really well. She works as a freelance writer for a good reason. Then as Valentine's day approached, she told him about two disappointing dates she had recently. To make her feel better, he asked her what would be her ideal Valentine's date. She responded with this email to describe her "fantasy" to be spoiled:
---------------------
Subject: Awakened in the middle of the night by cats in heat
The cats on the farm where I live are all in heat and I can't sleep for their rolling and trilling and yowling. Yes, an urban farm is an oddity, where 13 feet of topsoil grace the foothills of the mountains now considered too lovely to waste on farm fields. Next door, a golf resort spreads onto every lot it can append and the former flower farm is now a Target parking lot.
The neighboring farm stopped feeding its ferals, and since I haven't followed suit, they all come here for a late dinner, and lately, they stay the night with the slutty little felines who live in my attic. It's time to revive one of my recent past times: trapping, taming, bathing, clipping, preening, feeding, vaccinating, fixing, collaring and adopting out stray cats.
I suppose this feline frenzy fits felicitously with our Valentine's Day imaginings. Maybe a sugar daddy like you shares my feral-primping past time, in a way, for my fantasy Valentine's Day includes being pampered, bathed, manicured, pedicured and massaged at a day spa, until my silken strands and skin glow so touchably that my human can't wait to pet me; shopping for that perfect, little red dress and lingerie to hug my curves, those cute, strappy heels that lift me near enough to kiss you on a whim, and a glittery collar to showcase my sparkling eyes; and then dining on rare Ahi tuna and walnut apple salad over purring conversation until we can't wait to take our bowl of creamy desert upstairs, where we will roll and trill and yowl 'til 2 a.m., waking the humans below and dotting their dreams with images of svelt bodies writhing and licking each other in dark attics.
Dreaming ...
---------------------------
Sensing an opportunity for a magical encounter, he offered to make her wish come true if she could come visit him. She jumped on the offer and although it was last minute, he was still able to make the arrangements that she wanted. She is older than the typical sugarbaby that he would look for, but the pics she had sent to him looked nice. So he was hopeful from the physical attraction perspective. When he picked her up from the airport he thought she looked about her age and was attractive, and he was not disappointed but not too excited yet. He took her to the hotel to get settled in, and they kissed and caressed each other for a bit before going down stairs for lunch. He thought she really liked him and she was very complimentary about his looks. It was very flattering and a big boost to his ego, which also made her more attractive to him.
After lunch he took her to the spa for her pamper session. It was a last minute arrangement but worked out perfectly. She was greeted with a rose, chocolate covered strawberries, and a glass of champagne. While she was at the spa he got some work done and went back to the hotel room to wait for her. When she came back she was feeling pretty good and it didn't take long for them to end up in bed and explore each other's body. But she caught herself and started to hold back saying that she wasn't ready. He didn't push the issue and told her that she didn't have to do anything she was not comfortable with. He thought she was having difficulty with the idea of being intimate with someone she just met, so he figured he should let her do things at her own pace.
He had agreed to take her shopping to get a nice outfit, but by now she said she needed time to get ready for dinner so he didn't argue with that. She wasn't kidding about taking the time to primp and get herself ready. It must have taken about two hours while he waited patiently. But the wait was well worth it and she looked very attractive and radiant and even appears younger than her age. Being last minute, it was difficult to find a good table on Valentine's day so they ended up at the bar of a very crowded jazz club. After a few drinks and some appetizers they decided that they were probably better off going back to the hotel with a bottle of wine for a more intimate time.
Coming up... what happened next!
She first contacted him through one of the online sugar discussion groups, then from that initial email it developed into a conversation about their views on sugar relationships. She was new to the concept and was intrigued by the idea of being a modern day courtesan/geisha. She was single, mid 30's, no kids, mature, intelligent, articulate, and writes really well. She works as a freelance writer for a good reason. Then as Valentine's day approached, she told him about two disappointing dates she had recently. To make her feel better, he asked her what would be her ideal Valentine's date. She responded with this email to describe her "fantasy" to be spoiled:
---------------------
Subject: Awakened in the middle of the night by cats in heat
The cats on the farm where I live are all in heat and I can't sleep for their rolling and trilling and yowling. Yes, an urban farm is an oddity, where 13 feet of topsoil grace the foothills of the mountains now considered too lovely to waste on farm fields. Next door, a golf resort spreads onto every lot it can append and the former flower farm is now a Target parking lot.
The neighboring farm stopped feeding its ferals, and since I haven't followed suit, they all come here for a late dinner, and lately, they stay the night with the slutty little felines who live in my attic. It's time to revive one of my recent past times: trapping, taming, bathing, clipping, preening, feeding, vaccinating, fixing, collaring and adopting out stray cats.
I suppose this feline frenzy fits felicitously with our Valentine's Day imaginings. Maybe a sugar daddy like you shares my feral-primping past time, in a way, for my fantasy Valentine's Day includes being pampered, bathed, manicured, pedicured and massaged at a day spa, until my silken strands and skin glow so touchably that my human can't wait to pet me; shopping for that perfect, little red dress and lingerie to hug my curves, those cute, strappy heels that lift me near enough to kiss you on a whim, and a glittery collar to showcase my sparkling eyes; and then dining on rare Ahi tuna and walnut apple salad over purring conversation until we can't wait to take our bowl of creamy desert upstairs, where we will roll and trill and yowl 'til 2 a.m., waking the humans below and dotting their dreams with images of svelt bodies writhing and licking each other in dark attics.
Dreaming ...
---------------------------
Sensing an opportunity for a magical encounter, he offered to make her wish come true if she could come visit him. She jumped on the offer and although it was last minute, he was still able to make the arrangements that she wanted. She is older than the typical sugarbaby that he would look for, but the pics she had sent to him looked nice. So he was hopeful from the physical attraction perspective. When he picked her up from the airport he thought she looked about her age and was attractive, and he was not disappointed but not too excited yet. He took her to the hotel to get settled in, and they kissed and caressed each other for a bit before going down stairs for lunch. He thought she really liked him and she was very complimentary about his looks. It was very flattering and a big boost to his ego, which also made her more attractive to him.
After lunch he took her to the spa for her pamper session. It was a last minute arrangement but worked out perfectly. She was greeted with a rose, chocolate covered strawberries, and a glass of champagne. While she was at the spa he got some work done and went back to the hotel room to wait for her. When she came back she was feeling pretty good and it didn't take long for them to end up in bed and explore each other's body. But she caught herself and started to hold back saying that she wasn't ready. He didn't push the issue and told her that she didn't have to do anything she was not comfortable with. He thought she was having difficulty with the idea of being intimate with someone she just met, so he figured he should let her do things at her own pace.
He had agreed to take her shopping to get a nice outfit, but by now she said she needed time to get ready for dinner so he didn't argue with that. She wasn't kidding about taking the time to primp and get herself ready. It must have taken about two hours while he waited patiently. But the wait was well worth it and she looked very attractive and radiant and even appears younger than her age. Being last minute, it was difficult to find a good table on Valentine's day so they ended up at the bar of a very crowded jazz club. After a few drinks and some appetizers they decided that they were probably better off going back to the hotel with a bottle of wine for a more intimate time.
Coming up... what happened next!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Questions from a Newbie SD
Recently a newbie SD posed several questions in the SA Blog. His questions and concerns were fairly common for newbie SD's so I thought I'd address them here.
I know that this is not a sex for pay situation but keep running into that.
There are all sorts of people looking for all kinds of things in the sugar world. The key is to find those who share similar ideas in terms of what a sugar relationship is and how it should work. Recent media coverage has shown that "pay for play" may be prevalent so it's no surprise that's what you've run into.
I can only commit to provide a certain allowance, about a thousand a month, but it seems that everyone is looking for much more. Am I being reasonable or am I barking up the wrong tree?
What's reasonable can depend on several factors, mainly location and your expectations. If the SB is in a high cost of living area and you expect to spend a lot of time with her and traveling is involved, then 1k/mo could be barking up the wrong tree. Keep in mind not all arrangements include an allowance, some SD's provide gifts/travel. Also, the allowance is only the starting point for a SD's total spending related to the SB. It takes money to have fun, travel, and enjoy the finer things in life so you need to take all that into account. Realistically, at 1k/month and given your location, your options are probably limited.
I know that no sugar baby worth having has sex immediately but what is a reasonable time to be expected to wait?
That really depends on how comfortable you are with each other and how long it takes to agree on an arrangement. Keep in mind that a sugar relationship should be mutually beneficial and once you have an arrangement in place then both sides should be ready to do what they've agreed to do.
I understand that it is the custom to meet and greet at least the first time with no expectation of having sex or receiving money except for actual expenses. Is this correct?
Yes that's correct. Generally speaking it’s best to keep a first meet simple and low key as I’ve discussed before. A first meet mainly serves 3 purposes:
1. Will he/she show up as planned
2. Will he/she be as advertised in the profile
3. Will there be compatibility and chemistry to take things further.
Anything else that happens is a bonus. Meeting for drinks/coffee or a casual lunch/dinner should accomplish those goals. Save the more elaborate fancy stuff for the next meet if things go well. This is easy to do when both parties are local. If travel is involved by either party, then making a decision to meet would require more thought and planning. But the underlying purpose should remain the same.
The ladies I have talked to seem to all be desperate and broke and need money right away to cover some never ending emergency. I know that I probably sound crass for focusing on the sex and money parts but feel that I could easily be taken advantage of by not knowing the expectations.
Some SB's are eager to treat you like an ATM. The key is to screen relentlessly and don't put yourself in a situation to be taken advantage of. If the desperate and broke ones are not your type then there is no need to waste your time on them. I've talked about the "White Knight" syndrome and some of the lessons learned. Also see the "Sex, Money, and Sugar" series in my blog.
I have read several blogs here and have just got more confused by the conflicting and possibly biased information.
People in the blog have diverse backgrounds with a wide range of experiences and opinions. Therefore it's not unusual to see conflicting and biased information. There is usually no right or wrong, it just depends on your perspective. So take it all in and decide for yourself what's useful in your particular situation.
Are these relationships ever long term? lasting several years?
Yes and yes. My longest lasted 2 years and I had several that were between 6 months to a year. I know other SD's who had even longer sugar relationships. However, one study has shown that on average sugar relationships only last 3-4 months. So long term is possible, but it's by no means the norm.
I know that it is not permanent but would like to get comfortable with a woman with the expectation that it is not time limited. Or is that the crux of the matter in that you set the mutual expectations early and honestly?
Being honest with each other about expectations from the beginning is one of the things that sets sugar dating apart from regular dating. Sugar relationships are NSA in nature so it will last as long as the two people involved want it to last.
I am living in a smaller town and the number of ladies on the site from within a hundred miles is rather small. Is it usual for one or both to have to travel? or is that dependent on the area also?
Given your location it is likely some traveling will be involved. But even those in major metro areas may consider a long distance sugar relationship for various reasons. I think most SD/SB's would prefer local, but it's not unusual for one or both to travel.
I have had inquiries from long distances but so far most of them have appeared to be request for advance payments.
Ask yourself how can such a situation be mutually beneficial and how much risk are you willing to take. Most SD's probably aren't willing to take such risks, but maybe some are.
I have not seen many ladies over the age of forty on the site so far. I have found that I have little in common with many of the twenty somethings. Are there many ladies available with a few more years of life experience around or is this a younger ladies thing?
On sugar dating sites most SB's are under 30 because apparently that's what most SD's seek. And again this is perpetuated by recent media coverage which creates a stereotype in most people's mind. The fact is that SB's can come in all age, size, and color with a wide range of life experiences. Also, some SB's over 40 purposely put their age as 30's in their profile to attract more SD's. It may seem like you're trying to find a needle in a haystack, but be patient and persistent, screen relentlessly, and you'll eventually find what you're looking for. Good luck!
By the way, answering your questions reminded me that once upon a time I wrote an article called "A Practical Guide for SD's in the Sugar World". I'll post it in my blog when I have time.
I know that this is not a sex for pay situation but keep running into that.
There are all sorts of people looking for all kinds of things in the sugar world. The key is to find those who share similar ideas in terms of what a sugar relationship is and how it should work. Recent media coverage has shown that "pay for play" may be prevalent so it's no surprise that's what you've run into.
I can only commit to provide a certain allowance, about a thousand a month, but it seems that everyone is looking for much more. Am I being reasonable or am I barking up the wrong tree?
What's reasonable can depend on several factors, mainly location and your expectations. If the SB is in a high cost of living area and you expect to spend a lot of time with her and traveling is involved, then 1k/mo could be barking up the wrong tree. Keep in mind not all arrangements include an allowance, some SD's provide gifts/travel. Also, the allowance is only the starting point for a SD's total spending related to the SB. It takes money to have fun, travel, and enjoy the finer things in life so you need to take all that into account. Realistically, at 1k/month and given your location, your options are probably limited.
I know that no sugar baby worth having has sex immediately but what is a reasonable time to be expected to wait?
That really depends on how comfortable you are with each other and how long it takes to agree on an arrangement. Keep in mind that a sugar relationship should be mutually beneficial and once you have an arrangement in place then both sides should be ready to do what they've agreed to do.
I understand that it is the custom to meet and greet at least the first time with no expectation of having sex or receiving money except for actual expenses. Is this correct?
Yes that's correct. Generally speaking it’s best to keep a first meet simple and low key as I’ve discussed before. A first meet mainly serves 3 purposes:
1. Will he/she show up as planned
2. Will he/she be as advertised in the profile
3. Will there be compatibility and chemistry to take things further.
Anything else that happens is a bonus. Meeting for drinks/coffee or a casual lunch/dinner should accomplish those goals. Save the more elaborate fancy stuff for the next meet if things go well. This is easy to do when both parties are local. If travel is involved by either party, then making a decision to meet would require more thought and planning. But the underlying purpose should remain the same.
The ladies I have talked to seem to all be desperate and broke and need money right away to cover some never ending emergency. I know that I probably sound crass for focusing on the sex and money parts but feel that I could easily be taken advantage of by not knowing the expectations.
Some SB's are eager to treat you like an ATM. The key is to screen relentlessly and don't put yourself in a situation to be taken advantage of. If the desperate and broke ones are not your type then there is no need to waste your time on them. I've talked about the "White Knight" syndrome and some of the lessons learned. Also see the "Sex, Money, and Sugar" series in my blog.
I have read several blogs here and have just got more confused by the conflicting and possibly biased information.
People in the blog have diverse backgrounds with a wide range of experiences and opinions. Therefore it's not unusual to see conflicting and biased information. There is usually no right or wrong, it just depends on your perspective. So take it all in and decide for yourself what's useful in your particular situation.
Are these relationships ever long term? lasting several years?
Yes and yes. My longest lasted 2 years and I had several that were between 6 months to a year. I know other SD's who had even longer sugar relationships. However, one study has shown that on average sugar relationships only last 3-4 months. So long term is possible, but it's by no means the norm.
I know that it is not permanent but would like to get comfortable with a woman with the expectation that it is not time limited. Or is that the crux of the matter in that you set the mutual expectations early and honestly?
Being honest with each other about expectations from the beginning is one of the things that sets sugar dating apart from regular dating. Sugar relationships are NSA in nature so it will last as long as the two people involved want it to last.
I am living in a smaller town and the number of ladies on the site from within a hundred miles is rather small. Is it usual for one or both to have to travel? or is that dependent on the area also?
Given your location it is likely some traveling will be involved. But even those in major metro areas may consider a long distance sugar relationship for various reasons. I think most SD/SB's would prefer local, but it's not unusual for one or both to travel.
I have had inquiries from long distances but so far most of them have appeared to be request for advance payments.
Ask yourself how can such a situation be mutually beneficial and how much risk are you willing to take. Most SD's probably aren't willing to take such risks, but maybe some are.
I have not seen many ladies over the age of forty on the site so far. I have found that I have little in common with many of the twenty somethings. Are there many ladies available with a few more years of life experience around or is this a younger ladies thing?
On sugar dating sites most SB's are under 30 because apparently that's what most SD's seek. And again this is perpetuated by recent media coverage which creates a stereotype in most people's mind. The fact is that SB's can come in all age, size, and color with a wide range of life experiences. Also, some SB's over 40 purposely put their age as 30's in their profile to attract more SD's. It may seem like you're trying to find a needle in a haystack, but be patient and persistent, screen relentlessly, and you'll eventually find what you're looking for. Good luck!
By the way, answering your questions reminded me that once upon a time I wrote an article called "A Practical Guide for SD's in the Sugar World". I'll post it in my blog when I have time.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Review of Huffington Post Article on Seeking Arrangement and Student Loans
Recently Huffington Post had an article titled "Seeking Arrangement: College Students Using 'Sugar Daddies' To Pay Off Loan Debt." Since I'm always interested in how the sugar world is portrayed by the media, here's my take on the article.
1. Is sugar relationship for companionship only or is sex involved?
I think it should surprise no one that most sugar relationships involve sex, just like most adult dating relationships. However, there seem to be some SB's who want to perpetuate the impression that most SD's only want companionship, and it would be beneath them to have sex with older men for money. While platonic sugar relationships certainly exist, it's clearly a small niche so let's not delude ourselves to think that most SD's don't want sex.
This article, like most media coverage about the sugar world, seems to revolve around 3 topics:
1. Is sugar relationship for companionship only or is sex involved?
I think it should surprise no one that most sugar relationships involve sex, just like most adult dating relationships. However, there seem to be some SB's who want to perpetuate the impression that most SD's only want companionship, and it would be beneath them to have sex with older men for money. While platonic sugar relationships certainly exist, it's clearly a small niche so let's not delude ourselves to think that most SD's don't want sex.
2. If sugar relationship involve money and sex, then isn't it prostitution?
As I mentioned in one of my blog posts, the issues of SB's vs Escorts is a popular topic but it's been debated ad nauseum. The bottom line is some people like myself clearly see the difference and there are those who don't, and that's ok. According to Jennifer in the article: "My situation is different in a number of different ways. First of all, I don't engage with a high volume of people, instead choosing one or two men I actually like spending time with and have decided to develop a friendship with them. And while sex is involved, the focus is on providing friendship. It's not only about getting paid."
As I mentioned in one of my blog posts, the issues of SB's vs Escorts is a popular topic but it's been debated ad nauseum. The bottom line is some people like myself clearly see the difference and there are those who don't, and that's ok. According to Jennifer in the article: "My situation is different in a number of different ways. First of all, I don't engage with a high volume of people, instead choosing one or two men I actually like spending time with and have decided to develop a friendship with them. And while sex is involved, the focus is on providing friendship. It's not only about getting paid."
3. How much money is involved in a sugar arrangement and how long does it last?
Most SB's would tell you that they want a long term arrangement based on monthly allowance which is the type of ideal situation often discussed in the SA Blog. While there is no doubt that some SB's have received a steady monthly allowance plus all the extras (gifts, travel, fine dining, etc), the article portrays a reality that p4p is prevalent and cited a study that showed arrangements last only three to four months on average.
Most SB's would tell you that they want a long term arrangement based on monthly allowance which is the type of ideal situation often discussed in the SA Blog. While there is no doubt that some SB's have received a steady monthly allowance plus all the extras (gifts, travel, fine dining, etc), the article portrays a reality that p4p is prevalent and cited a study that showed arrangements last only three to four months on average.
Here are some more observations about the article:
- According to SA, the ratio of SB to SD is about 10 to 1, and 40% of SD's are married. This is fairly consistent with my understanding.
- 35% of SB's on SA are college students as identified by their .edu email addy. However, this measure does not include students from vocational schools and those who don't use .edu addy, so the actual percentage who are students is likely to be higher.
- SA gives free premium membership to SB's who use their .edu addy and certify them as "college sugar baby"! Is this one of the best kept secrets or am I slow to the party? :)
- The article opened with Taylor, a 22yo from Harlem who goes to meet her much older SD for the first time in Greenwich. She meets him at his house with no prior agreement as to what would happen and end up having sex with him for $350. She failed to do the 3 simple things a newbie SB should do as I mentioned in this post. The article didn't mention whether she'll see him again.
- Jack, a 70yo SD in NYC who prefers SB's under 25, provides 500/night plus fine dining and shopping. Apparently he has no shortage of SB's to choose from with what he offers. And I thought SB's in NYC drive a hard bargain based on everything I've seen in SB's blogs! :)
- Suzanne, a 25yo in NYC sees her 39yo SD in NJ for dinner and sex at 400-500 per meet. They've had 3 dates and the article stated: "While the men typically pay per meeting, Suzanne is hoping to set up an ongoing hookup."
- Dayanara, a 23yo exotic mix, had a 5k/month arrangement with an investment bank exec in NYC. The article didn't say how long it lasted. Now she has 3 SD's and she said she could get 2500 for a night of dinner and sex. She also works as a topless masseuse... but why work at all (especially as a topless masseuse) if she has 3 SD's giving her good money? Something doesn't sound right.
Jennifer, 23yo from NYC, flew to visit a 30 something banker in FL for the first time. She end up spending the night at a hotel with him and had sex for 1k. Apparently it worked out well for her, but the SB blogs are full of horror stories about SB's who traveled for their first meet.
I think stories like these are closer to reality than some of the more sensationalized portrayal full of stereotypes we've seen in the past. I found two of the points made in the article very interesting, here's the first one:
"Six of the eight women interviewed for this article mentioned the longer-term psychological toll of pretending to be someone else. Double lives and dual identities are common for both the women and men involved in sugar relationships."
"Six of the eight women interviewed for this article mentioned the longer-term psychological toll of pretending to be someone else. Double lives and dual identities are common for both the women and men involved in sugar relationships."
Most people thought women in the sugar world could be psychologically damaged by having sex with older men they just met or haven't known for very long. It's interesting to see that may not be as big of an issue as the stress caused by living a double life. And here's the second:
Weitzer also sees a potential danger for young women getting sucked into making large sums of money and later finding it difficult to abandon such a lifestyle. "The more you make, the harder it becomes to transition away from,"..."For someone who's been doing it for a while, it can be difficult to stop doing it and suddenly transition into a normal job or date men without as many resources."
This is why I have often talked about the "end game" or "exit strategy" in the sugar world. For SB's who have a generous arrangement and living way beyond their means, what happens when it ends?? All sugar relationships eventually come to an end except in rare cases it could turn into an IRL relationship, and it usually ends sooner than expected.
After the article was published, KABC radio interviewed two SB's about the article and you can listen to the podcast here. Both SB's insisted that their arrangement is for companionship only, and it includes thousands in allowance plus extras, and they will get out of the sugar world after their loans are paid off. The talk show hosts were understandably skeptical since what the SB's described was in stark contrast to what was in the article.
As I said, I thought the article realistically portrayed what's actually happening in the sugar world unlike some of the more sensationalized stereotype of the past. This may burst some people's bubbles and some may find it depressing and discouraging, but it's better to know what's out there so you can be prepared to deal with it and find what you're looking for.
As I said, I thought the article realistically portrayed what's actually happening in the sugar world unlike some of the more sensationalized stereotype of the past. This may burst some people's bubbles and some may find it depressing and discouraging, but it's better to know what's out there so you can be prepared to deal with it and find what you're looking for.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Questions From a Newbie SB
Hi, I found your blog through google and I have to say that I LOVE it...anyways, I have some questions that I'm hoping you can answer for me....I am completely new to the SB world and I'm going on my first date. I am absolutely terrified. How do I bring up the allowance/what we expect from each other in public? After we finish lunch, am I expected to go back with him? Should I be prepared for judging people/the looks when I sit down to eat with a man who is clearly much older than I? Is sex expected? What if the man is an undercover cop, can't I get in trouble? I'm also very concerned about my safety. What should I do to keep myself as safe as possible before and after we meet? Please help!
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Thanks for reading my blog! These questions are very common among newbies, so just relax and be yourself. Use common sense at all times and don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Now let's take your questions one by one...
- After we finish lunch, am I expected to go back with him?
The key to a successful first meet is to communicate clearly about expectations of the meeting BEFORE you meet. Typically the first meeting is at a public place for you to get to know each other and see if there is chemistry and common interests to meet again and take things further. So the answer is no, you shouldn't be expected to go back with him after lunch. But if that's what he expects then he should have clearly communicated that to you. Then it's up to you to use common sense and decide whether it's something you're comfortable with.
- Should I be prepared for judging people/the looks when I sit down to eat with a man who is clearly much older than I?
Yes, if he looks much older than you then you should be prepared for unwanted attention when you're out in public with him. Ask yourself how much this bothers you and whether it's something you can handle or not. If you don't think you can handle it then be honest with him and let him know. And in the future you should take this into consideration when you talk to pot SD's.
- Is sex expected? What if the man is an undercover cop, can't I get in trouble?
Sex should not be expected during the first meeting unless the two of you have already discussed and agreed to it. You can get into trouble with law enforcement only if you explicitly agree to a sex for money transaction.
- How do I bring up the allowance/what we expect from each other in public?
Most newbies get stressed out about this subject and agonize over it when there is really no reason to. See my blog post about "Questions Newbie SB's Should Ask". If he's an experienced SD then he should be expecting the discussion about allowance to come up at some point, if he doesn't bring it up first. I'd suggest that you describe your allowance expectations in terms of a goal or target you're trying to achieve. Such as, paying down credit card debt or student loan, or to help with living expenses. Or, if an allowance is not the most important thing to you and you're more interested in living a better lifestyle (shopping, fine dining, travel, etc), then clearly communicate that to him as well.
- I'm also very concerned about my safety. What should I do to keep myself as safe as possible before and after we meet?
Always meet at a public place for the first meeting, clearly communicate the expectations of the meeting, and let a friend know where you are at all times. You'll be surprised at how many newbie SB's fail to take these 3 simple steps.
Enjoy your meeting and good luck!
------------------------------
Thanks for reading my blog! These questions are very common among newbies, so just relax and be yourself. Use common sense at all times and don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Now let's take your questions one by one...
- After we finish lunch, am I expected to go back with him?
The key to a successful first meet is to communicate clearly about expectations of the meeting BEFORE you meet. Typically the first meeting is at a public place for you to get to know each other and see if there is chemistry and common interests to meet again and take things further. So the answer is no, you shouldn't be expected to go back with him after lunch. But if that's what he expects then he should have clearly communicated that to you. Then it's up to you to use common sense and decide whether it's something you're comfortable with.
- Should I be prepared for judging people/the looks when I sit down to eat with a man who is clearly much older than I?
Yes, if he looks much older than you then you should be prepared for unwanted attention when you're out in public with him. Ask yourself how much this bothers you and whether it's something you can handle or not. If you don't think you can handle it then be honest with him and let him know. And in the future you should take this into consideration when you talk to pot SD's.
- Is sex expected? What if the man is an undercover cop, can't I get in trouble?
Sex should not be expected during the first meeting unless the two of you have already discussed and agreed to it. You can get into trouble with law enforcement only if you explicitly agree to a sex for money transaction.
- How do I bring up the allowance/what we expect from each other in public?
Most newbies get stressed out about this subject and agonize over it when there is really no reason to. See my blog post about "Questions Newbie SB's Should Ask". If he's an experienced SD then he should be expecting the discussion about allowance to come up at some point, if he doesn't bring it up first. I'd suggest that you describe your allowance expectations in terms of a goal or target you're trying to achieve. Such as, paying down credit card debt or student loan, or to help with living expenses. Or, if an allowance is not the most important thing to you and you're more interested in living a better lifestyle (shopping, fine dining, travel, etc), then clearly communicate that to him as well.
- I'm also very concerned about my safety. What should I do to keep myself as safe as possible before and after we meet?
Always meet at a public place for the first meeting, clearly communicate the expectations of the meeting, and let a friend know where you are at all times. You'll be surprised at how many newbie SB's fail to take these 3 simple steps.
Enjoy your meeting and good luck!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Review of MTV's True Life: I'm a Sugar Baby
I watched the show on my laptop by the pool and it was pretty entertaining. These quotes tell you everything you need to know about each SB character:
“I’m so money hungry, but I’m so lazy” – Olivia
“I need a sugar mama ASAP” – Steve
“I need a SD to pay for my lifestyle” – GG
What else do these 20 something SB’s have in common? They all live in high rent districts and can’t afford their lifestyle on their own. Some have pointed out the show doesn’t resemble how a sugar relationship should work as we understand it on the SA Blog. But in reality it’s a fairly accurate portrayal of what actually happens in the sugar world. Here are some observations and comments about the characters.
- GG and Olivia both met their pot SD’s for the first time at his house. Really?
- Steve came across as an immature doofus. I have no idea what any of the cougars see in him.
- Sean (Olivia’s ex bf) came across as a douche bag for pimping her out to get what he wants.
- Olivia’s SD appeared possessive and drama prone for wanting her tattoo removed.
GG has the typical gold digger mentality, it’s all about how much more she can get while giving as little in return as possible. There is nothing wrong with a platonic sugar relationship as long as that’s what both sides want. But she deliberately stringed him along just to see what she can get. I may not have agreed with some of her SD’s approach to get laid. But to his credit he cut his losses after paying for her $500 dress. A less experienced SD or a white knight probably would have put up with her longer and throw more money at her just to end up with the same result.
As for Olivia, her looks resemble one of my former SB’s, except my SB was a bit slimmer and bustier. She has typical emotional baggage and unsure of what she really wants, thus her emotional struggle with her ex bf and her SD. But in the end she finally learned that “this lifestyle is not for me right now”.
At the end GG learned from her record producer that “everything comes with a price” and she finally realized “if I quit being a SB, I’m going to have to learn how to be financially independent, it’s not going to be easy.” Amen and welcome to the real world!
As for Steve, it was ironic that he had to pay for the dinner with his would be mama who lost her job.
None of the SB characters are SB material, so it’s no surprise GG and Olivia end up leaving the sugar lifestyle, and Steve was still trying but had no luck. But what bothered me the most was GG’s mom expecting her daughter to continue with sugar just to support her lifestyle. What kind of parent is that??
After the show MTV followed up with the three characters in this article. Also, look at the comments under the episode, it’s pretty interesting.
Lastly, a TV show about the sugar lifestyle and no one had sex?? Say it ain’t so!!
“I’m so money hungry, but I’m so lazy” – Olivia
“I need a sugar mama ASAP” – Steve
“I need a SD to pay for my lifestyle” – GG
What else do these 20 something SB’s have in common? They all live in high rent districts and can’t afford their lifestyle on their own. Some have pointed out the show doesn’t resemble how a sugar relationship should work as we understand it on the SA Blog. But in reality it’s a fairly accurate portrayal of what actually happens in the sugar world. Here are some observations and comments about the characters.
- GG and Olivia both met their pot SD’s for the first time at his house. Really?
- Steve came across as an immature doofus. I have no idea what any of the cougars see in him.
- Sean (Olivia’s ex bf) came across as a douche bag for pimping her out to get what he wants.
- Olivia’s SD appeared possessive and drama prone for wanting her tattoo removed.
GG has the typical gold digger mentality, it’s all about how much more she can get while giving as little in return as possible. There is nothing wrong with a platonic sugar relationship as long as that’s what both sides want. But she deliberately stringed him along just to see what she can get. I may not have agreed with some of her SD’s approach to get laid. But to his credit he cut his losses after paying for her $500 dress. A less experienced SD or a white knight probably would have put up with her longer and throw more money at her just to end up with the same result.
As for Olivia, her looks resemble one of my former SB’s, except my SB was a bit slimmer and bustier. She has typical emotional baggage and unsure of what she really wants, thus her emotional struggle with her ex bf and her SD. But in the end she finally learned that “this lifestyle is not for me right now”.
At the end GG learned from her record producer that “everything comes with a price” and she finally realized “if I quit being a SB, I’m going to have to learn how to be financially independent, it’s not going to be easy.” Amen and welcome to the real world!
As for Steve, it was ironic that he had to pay for the dinner with his would be mama who lost her job.
None of the SB characters are SB material, so it’s no surprise GG and Olivia end up leaving the sugar lifestyle, and Steve was still trying but had no luck. But what bothered me the most was GG’s mom expecting her daughter to continue with sugar just to support her lifestyle. What kind of parent is that??
After the show MTV followed up with the three characters in this article. Also, look at the comments under the episode, it’s pretty interesting.
Lastly, a TV show about the sugar lifestyle and no one had sex?? Say it ain’t so!!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Help... My SB is a Dominatrix! Part 1
Part 1 - Her Ad
This is what happened with my first "long term" SB who lasted over a year. Please note the usual disclaimers apply.
The following was her ad.
No, I didn't know she'd become a dominatrix when I started the sugar relationship.
No, BDSM was not part of our relationship. In fact she was somewhat submissive as a SB. Go figure.
Why have a SD and also get paid to dominate other men?? I wish I knew.
-------------------------------
Under My influence, you will forget yourself and your vanilla worries, becoming no more than a toy for your all-powerful Goddess. The act of a sensual ritual and a dramatic structure of the fantasy are just as important as the physical sensations; it is an exchange of power and energy unlike anything you have ever experienced. The beautiful, complex dichotomy of pain and pleasure will over power you and leave you begging for more…
I am the beautiful, demanding, spoiled, and classy Goddess you are seeking; you will be enslaved by your desire for Me.
A session with Me is devastatingly erotic. Worthy slaves will experience the harsh line between pleasure and pain, reveling in My elegant and powerful presence. I am highly intuitive and imaginative. I provide a perfect forum for you to embrace your darkest fantasies. I will captivate you with My wicked sense of humor, but MAKE NO MISTAKE, displease Me at your peril!
I will own you! Be aware....I enjoy pushing limits and creating new ones. I will own your mind and manipulate your thoughts. I am your Goddess!!
I am a highly skilled, genuine, engaged and intuitive Goddess who privileges quality over quantity relations that allow for the building of trust and an exploration of the most personal and secret realms. I expect My submissives to have knowledge of their needs and expectations as well as the capacity to communicate in an honest and intelligent manner. I enjoy confident, accomplished, respectful and adventurous individuals who seek self-discovery and allow their limits to be challenged and pushed.
I am very selective with My slaves….. I will not simply welcome anyone into slavery. Only the most promising subs will be given the gift of serving Me. Are you worthy?
I enjoy submissive males, females, switch’s and couples for D/s relations. ~Bondage, Predicament Bondage, Humiliation, Prolonged Tease & Denial, Sissy Slut Training, Maid Training, Cross-dressing/Feminization, Sensory Deprivation, Chastity Training, CBT, Severe Corporal Punishment, OTK, Trampling, Wrestling, Role Play Scenarios and Fetishes, Pony Play, Body Worship, Sensory Deprivation, Hot Wax, and more…
you will serve Me at My discreet private residence, fully equipped with a custom-made spanking bench, an array of floggers, collars, whips, paddles, nipple clamps, ropes, crops, canes, restraints, spreader bars, plugs, CBT equipment, blindfolds, and more. I welcome polite slaves for safe, sane, consensual, legal play. My sessions are one hour long starting with a tribute of $xxx. I am NOT however an “escort with a whip”. If this is what you are looking for there are many out there for you to choose from. Don’t you dare ask Me about sex!
Please do not offend Me by asking about My rates. If you are searching for a discount, you should consider someone better suited to your finances. Travel and extended meetings are possible. To assure an encounter of the highest quality, I require impeccable hygiene, fresh breath, and pre-screening. I also require at least twenty-four hours notice, sometimes more.
Blocked calls will not be answered.
you will at all times display a high level of respect and impeccable manners and in return will receive the discipline and training you so deeply desire!
My hours vary… I prefer My slaves to visit Me between the hours of 10am and 9pm~ Monday through Friday. Weekend sessions with slaves are a possibility. All sessions require a deposit. NO EXCEPTIONS!I am fortunate to know a beautiful and highly experienced Pro-Domme. She and I are available for the seriously dedicated and brave slaves who desire TWO Pro-Dommes - during one session.
~HARD LIMITS~
Financial Domination, Blackmail, Blood, Scat Showers, Animals, Children, Incestuous Fantasies, and Diaper Play
------------------------------
Coming up, Part 2 - How it all started
This is what happened with my first "long term" SB who lasted over a year. Please note the usual disclaimers apply.
The following was her ad.
No, I didn't know she'd become a dominatrix when I started the sugar relationship.
No, BDSM was not part of our relationship. In fact she was somewhat submissive as a SB. Go figure.
Why have a SD and also get paid to dominate other men?? I wish I knew.
-------------------------------
Under My influence, you will forget yourself and your vanilla worries, becoming no more than a toy for your all-powerful Goddess. The act of a sensual ritual and a dramatic structure of the fantasy are just as important as the physical sensations; it is an exchange of power and energy unlike anything you have ever experienced. The beautiful, complex dichotomy of pain and pleasure will over power you and leave you begging for more…
I am the beautiful, demanding, spoiled, and classy Goddess you are seeking; you will be enslaved by your desire for Me.
A session with Me is devastatingly erotic. Worthy slaves will experience the harsh line between pleasure and pain, reveling in My elegant and powerful presence. I am highly intuitive and imaginative. I provide a perfect forum for you to embrace your darkest fantasies. I will captivate you with My wicked sense of humor, but MAKE NO MISTAKE, displease Me at your peril!
I will own you! Be aware....I enjoy pushing limits and creating new ones. I will own your mind and manipulate your thoughts. I am your Goddess!!
I am a highly skilled, genuine, engaged and intuitive Goddess who privileges quality over quantity relations that allow for the building of trust and an exploration of the most personal and secret realms. I expect My submissives to have knowledge of their needs and expectations as well as the capacity to communicate in an honest and intelligent manner. I enjoy confident, accomplished, respectful and adventurous individuals who seek self-discovery and allow their limits to be challenged and pushed.
I am very selective with My slaves….. I will not simply welcome anyone into slavery. Only the most promising subs will be given the gift of serving Me. Are you worthy?
I enjoy submissive males, females, switch’s and couples for D/s relations. ~Bondage, Predicament Bondage, Humiliation, Prolonged Tease & Denial, Sissy Slut Training, Maid Training, Cross-dressing/Feminization, Sensory Deprivation, Chastity Training, CBT, Severe Corporal Punishment, OTK, Trampling, Wrestling, Role Play Scenarios and Fetishes, Pony Play, Body Worship, Sensory Deprivation, Hot Wax, and more…
you will serve Me at My discreet private residence, fully equipped with a custom-made spanking bench, an array of floggers, collars, whips, paddles, nipple clamps, ropes, crops, canes, restraints, spreader bars, plugs, CBT equipment, blindfolds, and more. I welcome polite slaves for safe, sane, consensual, legal play. My sessions are one hour long starting with a tribute of $xxx. I am NOT however an “escort with a whip”. If this is what you are looking for there are many out there for you to choose from. Don’t you dare ask Me about sex!
Please do not offend Me by asking about My rates. If you are searching for a discount, you should consider someone better suited to your finances. Travel and extended meetings are possible. To assure an encounter of the highest quality, I require impeccable hygiene, fresh breath, and pre-screening. I also require at least twenty-four hours notice, sometimes more.
Blocked calls will not be answered.
you will at all times display a high level of respect and impeccable manners and in return will receive the discipline and training you so deeply desire!
My hours vary… I prefer My slaves to visit Me between the hours of 10am and 9pm~ Monday through Friday. Weekend sessions with slaves are a possibility. All sessions require a deposit. NO EXCEPTIONS!I am fortunate to know a beautiful and highly experienced Pro-Domme. She and I are available for the seriously dedicated and brave slaves who desire TWO Pro-Dommes - during one session.
~HARD LIMITS~
Financial Domination, Blackmail, Blood, Scat Showers, Animals, Children, Incestuous Fantasies, and Diaper Play
------------------------------
Coming up, Part 2 - How it all started
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