Part 5 - Getting emotionally involved again!
Despite the lessons I learned from my first "long term" SB, I fell into the same trap again after a few months and this time it was even worse emotionally. She broke my heart and everything about her and the emotional bonding I thought we had turned out to be a lie. Just as before I wanted to be a gift/travel SD and no money changed hands. Even though the experience was short lived (we only met a few times over a 3 month period), it took me a long time to recover emotionally and it forced me to question my idea of what a sugar relationship should be.
For example, am I able to handle the emotional aspect of a NSA relationship when I find the "ideal" SB? (obviously I can't). Are the "finer things in life" that I'm willing to offer the right things, or should I put money into the mix to make sure there is a boundary? Will different approaches attract different type of SB's? I spent the rest of that year experimenting to try to find answers. I'll write about my heartbreaking story titled "Mixing Love and Sugar" next.
It was a learning experience for me trying to see what worked and what didn't in an arrangement. It was a turning point where I went from a gift/travel SD, to a mix of gifts and allowance, to potentially allowance only. I found in some cases it didn't take much for an attractive woman wanting to be intimate with me, and I had no problem attracting younger women in the under 30 age group. One of the most interesting experiences was when I flew in two strippers and I'll write about that adventure later.
As I experimented with different type of arrangements I ran into some common problems. For example, the "now that I have found someone to pay my bills let me dump all my problems on him" problem. Well, you know the type.... You agree on an allowance but then she keeps on coming up with unexpected bills and surprises that require more than what was agreed. Doctor's bills, vet bills, insurance bills, legal bills, repair bill, and the "I forgot I owe them money" bills. I don't mind stepping in to help out when there is a real need, but no one wants to throw money down a money pit.
Another example is the "I get what I want and you get what you get" mentality. The SD does his part and perhaps even more. But she dishes out her "sugar" in small portions reluctantly and eventually blows him off, which was certainly not what he expected. So what's a SD to do? Cut his losses and run? Have a "come to Jesus" meeting? Give her a second or third chance?
Just like before, I reflect on my experiences and try to learn from it, but then you wonder if I'm able to apply the lessons learned when I'm faced with the situation. Here are some of the lessons learned while experimenting with different types of arrangements:
1. Don't enter an arrangement with a large amount of money upfront, regardless of what it's for. When that happens the SB may lose all incentive to do her part. I once paid a semester of tuition for a SB upfront, with the understanding that we'll meet once or twice a month during the semester. We never made it to the third meeting. That's another story I'll post someday.
2. Don't let her problem become yours. I've got to put my foot down when the SB is spending way over the agreement. Instead of paying the bills and say never again, I should have just refused to pay and cut my losses.
3. Focus on quality not quantity. In addition to the good and bad experiences and various adventures, there were many "average" experiences which I can really do without. That would have saved me a lot of time and money.
Coming up - Getting emotionally involved for the last time.