I'll pause here to tell a little story before I resume the "Evolution of a SD" series. Here's what happened from her perspective. Please note the usual disclaimers apply.
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Hi lovelies! I'm back from my Valentine's Day adventure and ready to report the good, the bad and the snuggly. ;D
I thought it might be a good case study in what to do and what not to do on a first out-of-town meeting and I also just love to share my adventures with the Babes. Feel free to pick apart my decisions, if you like, for our collective education. Or feel free to skip this posting, since no one likes to read such long, detailed tales of adventure, danger and passion. ;D
I met my date online and his e-mails and such revealed a nice, decent, trustworthy and very attractive man. Our phone calls seemed to confirm this. I told him about my two less-than-ideal Valentine's dates from the weekend before and he offered to indulge my Valentine's fantasy if I would come to his city to meet him. I really wanted to salvage my Valentine's Day experience and needed an adventure badly, so I said let's talk about it and told him my fantasy: a spa extravaganza (facial, pedicure, massage, etc.); shopping for a pretty Valentine's Day outfit and dinner at a nice restaurant.
He leapt into action to make the arrangements.
I was both excited and nervous. This would be my first experience flying out of town to meet a man I didn't know. At one point, just for a minute, I said to myself, "What are you doing? This is unsafe. Cancel this trip and just pamper yourself for Valentine's Day." But between our good communication, his reassurance and my rational approach, I relaxed and trusted my decision. He had taken the initiative to call me and make sure we were both very clear what the situation was and what we each expected. He was open about his own trust needs and wanted to know and respect mine.
I followed (most of) my own safety rules (I'll explain later where I failed): I verified that my ticket was roundtrip, I verified his identity by calling the hotel and making sure he paid by credit card under his name, I told my housemate where I was going, who I was going with, when I would return, my flight and hotel info, etc. I had prepared for things to go wrong: packed cash and credit cards, packed an extra outfit in case we didn't go shopping, contacted a friend in his city saying I'd be there overnight and might be able to connect.
I had become very familiar with the way my date's mind worked and felt secure in my understanding of that. And once all these precautions were taken care of, I let go and fully expected to have a good time with an interesting person, whether we hit it off romantically or not.
Coming up - What happend on Valentine's Day
Sugardaddy Chronicles
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Why Wealthy Men Choose to be SD's
I got this question from a SB in the SeekingArrangement blog and I thought I'll share the answers here.
Can you please run through some of the reasons to explain why a wealthy man may choose to become an SD? Which of these, if any, perhaps still applies to men with utter social mastery?
Here's a bit of background on what prompted the question. Some men said on the sa.com blog that they have exceptional social skills and can "get it for free by just showing up". Therefore they don't see the point of being a SD and laugh at those who have to "pay for it". My response is that being a SD is a choice. There are men who can get it for free by just showing up but still choose to be a SD. There are many reasons why wealthy men choose to become SD's, and in most cases it has nothing to do with their lack of social skills or ability to get it for free.
Here are some of the most common reasons:
1. Discretion. They like to keep their private life private. And of course if the SD is married then this goes without saying. Picking up random women at bars or VIP lounges in full view of others is not their style (just ask Tiger!). They expect the SB to keep it discreet as part of the arrangement.
2. No strings. The arrangement should set clear boundaries for both sides. Without it the line can be blurred and the relationship could head down a slippery slope emotionally (just ask Edwards!). The arrangement should prevent either party from having unrealistic expectations about the relationship.
3. Reliability. SD’s and SB’s are supposed to do what they said they will do according to the arrangement. And over time they will build trust and be reliable for each other. SD’s don’t like surprises when it comes to the reliability of their SB’s. Random hookups and one night stands may be fun, but it’s ultimately unreliable and risky (just ask Pitino!).
4. Longevity. It may not be easy to find the right SB in the right situation to have an arrangement that works. When a SD finds something that works well then it’s preferable to make it last versus keep on spending their valuable time to look for something that may or may not be better.
5. Generosity. Men who choose to be SD's are generous by nature, and not just in a financial sense. They can also be generous with their time, experience, wisdom, business savvy, and personal network. They enjoy helping and guiding a SB to achieve her goals and aspirations. And they find satisfaction in knowing that she was able to reach a better position in life because of their efforts.
Can you please run through some of the reasons to explain why a wealthy man may choose to become an SD? Which of these, if any, perhaps still applies to men with utter social mastery?
Here's a bit of background on what prompted the question. Some men said on the sa.com blog that they have exceptional social skills and can "get it for free by just showing up". Therefore they don't see the point of being a SD and laugh at those who have to "pay for it". My response is that being a SD is a choice. There are men who can get it for free by just showing up but still choose to be a SD. There are many reasons why wealthy men choose to become SD's, and in most cases it has nothing to do with their lack of social skills or ability to get it for free.
Here are some of the most common reasons:
1. Discretion. They like to keep their private life private. And of course if the SD is married then this goes without saying. Picking up random women at bars or VIP lounges in full view of others is not their style (just ask Tiger!). They expect the SB to keep it discreet as part of the arrangement.
2. No strings. The arrangement should set clear boundaries for both sides. Without it the line can be blurred and the relationship could head down a slippery slope emotionally (just ask Edwards!). The arrangement should prevent either party from having unrealistic expectations about the relationship.
3. Reliability. SD’s and SB’s are supposed to do what they said they will do according to the arrangement. And over time they will build trust and be reliable for each other. SD’s don’t like surprises when it comes to the reliability of their SB’s. Random hookups and one night stands may be fun, but it’s ultimately unreliable and risky (just ask Pitino!).
4. Longevity. It may not be easy to find the right SB in the right situation to have an arrangement that works. When a SD finds something that works well then it’s preferable to make it last versus keep on spending their valuable time to look for something that may or may not be better.
5. Generosity. Men who choose to be SD's are generous by nature, and not just in a financial sense. They can also be generous with their time, experience, wisdom, business savvy, and personal network. They enjoy helping and guiding a SB to achieve her goals and aspirations. And they find satisfaction in knowing that she was able to reach a better position in life because of their efforts.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 4
Part 4 - All good things must come to an end
The relationship with my first long term SB came to an end after about six months. It ended because she became more interested in only what I can do for her, and she also had a boyfriend that became more serious than she led on. It didn't help that I started to fall for her and I felt I was subsidizing their relationship since her bf was not able to provide for her. The chemistry and magic slowly faded and it didn't end amicably because she was used to the lifestyle I was providing and didn't want to give it up. She ended up blackmailing me and it was a very messy breakup. I will write more about this story in the future.
After being a gift/travel SD for six months and end up being blackmailed, what did I learn?
1. Don't get emotionally involved, especially for a married man. At some point you start to care too much and that's not necessarily a good thing.
2. Things do come to an end and it's usually sooner than expected. Despite the best intentions on both sides, you just never know how things will play out so you have to be mentally ready for it to end.
3. Keep the relationship simple, so that when it does end it can end cleanly without complications.
4. Be very careful with my personal information. You never know what someone will do with that info, even if it's someone you thought you could trust. As a married family man in the corporate world, I have too much to lose if I'm not careful with my personal info.
Coming up - Getting emotionally involved again!
The relationship with my first long term SB came to an end after about six months. It ended because she became more interested in only what I can do for her, and she also had a boyfriend that became more serious than she led on. It didn't help that I started to fall for her and I felt I was subsidizing their relationship since her bf was not able to provide for her. The chemistry and magic slowly faded and it didn't end amicably because she was used to the lifestyle I was providing and didn't want to give it up. She ended up blackmailing me and it was a very messy breakup. I will write more about this story in the future.
After being a gift/travel SD for six months and end up being blackmailed, what did I learn?
1. Don't get emotionally involved, especially for a married man. At some point you start to care too much and that's not necessarily a good thing.
2. Things do come to an end and it's usually sooner than expected. Despite the best intentions on both sides, you just never know how things will play out so you have to be mentally ready for it to end.
3. Keep the relationship simple, so that when it does end it can end cleanly without complications.
4. Be very careful with my personal information. You never know what someone will do with that info, even if it's someone you thought you could trust. As a married family man in the corporate world, I have too much to lose if I'm not careful with my personal info.
Coming up - Getting emotionally involved again!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 3
Part 3 - My first "long term" SB
A typical first meeting with a pot SB is usually for something casual like lunch/dinner/drinks to get know each other without pressure or expectations on either side. This can take place locally or at a city I travel to regularly for business. If things go well and there is chemistry, compatibility, and common expectations, then I'll schedule a second meeting to discuss things further. In many ways this is no different than a typical first date in normal dating. Some first meetings have been more elaborate and went further depending on the circumstances and chemistry.
I have also flown in pot SB's for a first meeting but decided to stop doing it because of the complications involved. I've seen many blog stories about first meetings that were planned to last several days, but then it usually ends up in disappointment. To spend that much time with someone you're meeting for the first time is usually not a good idea because too many things can go wrong. It can also cause expectations and pressure to develop and make the situation uncomfortable. What if the person is not as advertised in the profile or the chemistry isn't there? It's not uncommon to think everything will go well before a first meeting only to find out that's not the case.
Most pot SB's don't get past the first meeting and only a few resulted in on-going relationships. During the first three years I had only two relationships that lasted six months which I thought was long term at the time. The rest were one and done's or fizzled out after a few meetings. But since then I had three relationships that lasted more than a year and three more that lasted six months. It took patience, perseverance, and maybe some luck to find the right person in the right situation for a relationship/arrangement that lasts.
After being on sugardaddie.com for several months and went through numerous false starts and learning experiences like the "Sorority Girls from Hell", I finally met my first "long term" SB. She was in her early 30's and worked as a personal trainer. It was a long distance relationship and we met about once a month by traveling to fun places together. No money changed hands but I spent plenty of money on her for travel, shopping, fine dining, spa, got things she needed to run her business, furnished her wardrobe and apartment, and took her to vacations in Europe and Mexico. The chemistry was magical and it was pretty much what I thought a sugar relationship would be!
Coming up - all good things must come to an end.
A typical first meeting with a pot SB is usually for something casual like lunch/dinner/drinks to get know each other without pressure or expectations on either side. This can take place locally or at a city I travel to regularly for business. If things go well and there is chemistry, compatibility, and common expectations, then I'll schedule a second meeting to discuss things further. In many ways this is no different than a typical first date in normal dating. Some first meetings have been more elaborate and went further depending on the circumstances and chemistry.
I have also flown in pot SB's for a first meeting but decided to stop doing it because of the complications involved. I've seen many blog stories about first meetings that were planned to last several days, but then it usually ends up in disappointment. To spend that much time with someone you're meeting for the first time is usually not a good idea because too many things can go wrong. It can also cause expectations and pressure to develop and make the situation uncomfortable. What if the person is not as advertised in the profile or the chemistry isn't there? It's not uncommon to think everything will go well before a first meeting only to find out that's not the case.
Most pot SB's don't get past the first meeting and only a few resulted in on-going relationships. During the first three years I had only two relationships that lasted six months which I thought was long term at the time. The rest were one and done's or fizzled out after a few meetings. But since then I had three relationships that lasted more than a year and three more that lasted six months. It took patience, perseverance, and maybe some luck to find the right person in the right situation for a relationship/arrangement that lasts.
After being on sugardaddie.com for several months and went through numerous false starts and learning experiences like the "Sorority Girls from Hell", I finally met my first "long term" SB. She was in her early 30's and worked as a personal trainer. It was a long distance relationship and we met about once a month by traveling to fun places together. No money changed hands but I spent plenty of money on her for travel, shopping, fine dining, spa, got things she needed to run her business, furnished her wardrobe and apartment, and took her to vacations in Europe and Mexico. The chemistry was magical and it was pretty much what I thought a sugar relationship would be!
Coming up - all good things must come to an end.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 2
Part 2 - Dipping into the online sugar world
Due to my busy schedule and marital status, freestyling to meet pot SB's in real life was not a viable option so I focused my activities online. I have also tried sites such as Sugardaddyforme, MillionaireMatch, AshleyMadison, MarriedSecrets, CraigsList, AdultFriendFinder, and even regular dating sites like Match. But eventually it became clear that Sugardaddie.com and later Seekingarrangement.com were the best sites for me because of its target audience and higher level of activities on the site. And then as sugardaddie.com evolved into a more traditional dating site, seekingarrangement.com became the primary source of pot SB's. There are also several copycat sites, but it appears that they don't have the critical mass of members to be useful yet.
When I joined sugardaddie.com in the early days of online sugar dating, my intention was to find an on-going relationship with someone who I enjoy being with and I could provide some assistance to. I wasn't going to support someone full time or on a monetary basis so I didn't plan to provide an allowance. I thought I could provide the finer things in life like travel, shopping, fine dining, spa, etc to someone who is doing fine on her own but could not normally afford those things by herself. After getting tired of the transactional nature of seeing escorts, I thought I was going to be a gift/travel SD and not an allowance SD.
Over the years I had come in contact with a large number of women but only a small percentage actually resulted in meeting in person. Nevertheless, I have met hundreds of women in person from a wide range of socioeconomic backgrounds that I otherwise wouldn't have the opportunity to meet in real life. For example, in no particular order, I've met Ivy League graduates, law school and med school students, nurses, Playboy models, porn stars, fashion models, pageant queens, escorts, strippers, teachers, waitresses, bartenders, secretaries, cosmetologists, estheticians, massage therapists, hair/make up stylists, college students, personal trainers, scholarship athletes, small business owners, aspiring actress/model/artists/musicians… and the list goes on. Each pot SB brings something unique to the table and it’s up the to the SD to realize and cultivate the potential.
There are those who have been in the sugar world far longer than I have, and some had successful long term relationships and some led to marriages. It's literally taken that much time and meeting that many pot SB's for me to figure out what I really want and what I should be looking for. And of course I got better at screening pot SB's as I gained more experience during the process. Back in the early days of online sugar dating (imagine life before google, facebook, twitter, and blogs became popular!) the pickings were slim and flakes and scammers roamed freely. I had to look outside my local area but since I traveled frequently for business distance was not a big issue. Based on my experience, it's pretty easy to meet young and attractive pot SB's during the process. But it's not as easy to find the right person in the right situation for a sugar relationship that lasts.
Coming up, my first "long term" SB.
Due to my busy schedule and marital status, freestyling to meet pot SB's in real life was not a viable option so I focused my activities online. I have also tried sites such as Sugardaddyforme, MillionaireMatch, AshleyMadison, MarriedSecrets, CraigsList, AdultFriendFinder, and even regular dating sites like Match. But eventually it became clear that Sugardaddie.com and later Seekingarrangement.com were the best sites for me because of its target audience and higher level of activities on the site. And then as sugardaddie.com evolved into a more traditional dating site, seekingarrangement.com became the primary source of pot SB's. There are also several copycat sites, but it appears that they don't have the critical mass of members to be useful yet.
When I joined sugardaddie.com in the early days of online sugar dating, my intention was to find an on-going relationship with someone who I enjoy being with and I could provide some assistance to. I wasn't going to support someone full time or on a monetary basis so I didn't plan to provide an allowance. I thought I could provide the finer things in life like travel, shopping, fine dining, spa, etc to someone who is doing fine on her own but could not normally afford those things by herself. After getting tired of the transactional nature of seeing escorts, I thought I was going to be a gift/travel SD and not an allowance SD.
Over the years I had come in contact with a large number of women but only a small percentage actually resulted in meeting in person. Nevertheless, I have met hundreds of women in person from a wide range of socioeconomic backgrounds that I otherwise wouldn't have the opportunity to meet in real life. For example, in no particular order, I've met Ivy League graduates, law school and med school students, nurses, Playboy models, porn stars, fashion models, pageant queens, escorts, strippers, teachers, waitresses, bartenders, secretaries, cosmetologists, estheticians, massage therapists, hair/make up stylists, college students, personal trainers, scholarship athletes, small business owners, aspiring actress/model/artists/musicians… and the list goes on. Each pot SB brings something unique to the table and it’s up the to the SD to realize and cultivate the potential.
There are those who have been in the sugar world far longer than I have, and some had successful long term relationships and some led to marriages. It's literally taken that much time and meeting that many pot SB's for me to figure out what I really want and what I should be looking for. And of course I got better at screening pot SB's as I gained more experience during the process. Back in the early days of online sugar dating (imagine life before google, facebook, twitter, and blogs became popular!) the pickings were slim and flakes and scammers roamed freely. I had to look outside my local area but since I traveled frequently for business distance was not a big issue. Based on my experience, it's pretty easy to meet young and attractive pot SB's during the process. But it's not as easy to find the right person in the right situation for a sugar relationship that lasts.
Coming up, my first "long term" SB.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Evolution of a Sugardaddy - Part 1
SB's vs Escorts is one of the most popular topics in the sugar world. Before I address that issue I think it will be useful to see how my views and experiences have evolved over time as a sugardaddy. Please note the usual disclaimers apply and keep in mind my POV.
First, a little bit about me. I'm well educated and well traveled, and I have a successful career in the corporate world. I live a very comfortable life and I don't have to worry about my financial future. Most pot SB's I've met told me that if I were single I could be a good catch, and I should have no problem attracting women 10+ years younger than me. Although most people would consider me as wealthy, I identify myself more with "The Millionaire Next Door" than with "The Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous". But I am no stranger to the five star high life either. I have earned everything I have through hard work and discipline. In many ways my background steered me to look for a certain type of SB.
I used to be active in the escort scene mainly in the cities I traveled to for business. When I dealt with escorts on a regular basis it was pretty clear to me what constitutes an escort. They advertise their services with clearly defined rates and there is no screening other than for safety. It was easy to arrange an appointment and there was no need to consider mutual attraction, compatibility and chemistry so just about anyone who can pay the advertised rate can do it. To really get what I want in terms of looks and services it took some work to research escort reviews to make sure my money was well spent.
Although I had met some wonderful women during that time, I felt there was something missing. Seeing escorts, while sexually satisfying, was essentially an one time or short term transaction. Eventually I started to see some of my favorites directly without going through an agency, met them "off the clock" by taking them to lunch or dinner, took one to a ski trip, and even visited one at her home and met her son. When I looked back on it, it was the start of my sugardaddy intentions even though I didn't know that's what it was called at the time. And if I had known better, I probably could have started sugar relationships with them.
Over time I grew tired of the transactional nature of this approach and longed for something more, such as passion, intimacy, connection, chemistry, and mentorship, but without the strings, games, and drama of a typical affair. And of course one night stands and random hook ups won't even come close to what I was looking for. Therefore I thought a NSA sugar relationship would satisfy my needs. In my mind there is a clear difference between SB's and escorts, and I certainly know it when I see it. So I started to explore sugar relationships online when Sugardaddie.com came on the scene.
Coming up... dipping into the online sugar world
First, a little bit about me. I'm well educated and well traveled, and I have a successful career in the corporate world. I live a very comfortable life and I don't have to worry about my financial future. Most pot SB's I've met told me that if I were single I could be a good catch, and I should have no problem attracting women 10+ years younger than me. Although most people would consider me as wealthy, I identify myself more with "The Millionaire Next Door" than with "The Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous". But I am no stranger to the five star high life either. I have earned everything I have through hard work and discipline. In many ways my background steered me to look for a certain type of SB.
I used to be active in the escort scene mainly in the cities I traveled to for business. When I dealt with escorts on a regular basis it was pretty clear to me what constitutes an escort. They advertise their services with clearly defined rates and there is no screening other than for safety. It was easy to arrange an appointment and there was no need to consider mutual attraction, compatibility and chemistry so just about anyone who can pay the advertised rate can do it. To really get what I want in terms of looks and services it took some work to research escort reviews to make sure my money was well spent.
Although I had met some wonderful women during that time, I felt there was something missing. Seeing escorts, while sexually satisfying, was essentially an one time or short term transaction. Eventually I started to see some of my favorites directly without going through an agency, met them "off the clock" by taking them to lunch or dinner, took one to a ski trip, and even visited one at her home and met her son. When I looked back on it, it was the start of my sugardaddy intentions even though I didn't know that's what it was called at the time. And if I had known better, I probably could have started sugar relationships with them.
Over time I grew tired of the transactional nature of this approach and longed for something more, such as passion, intimacy, connection, chemistry, and mentorship, but without the strings, games, and drama of a typical affair. And of course one night stands and random hook ups won't even come close to what I was looking for. Therefore I thought a NSA sugar relationship would satisfy my needs. In my mind there is a clear difference between SB's and escorts, and I certainly know it when I see it. So I started to explore sugar relationships online when Sugardaddie.com came on the scene.
Coming up... dipping into the online sugar world
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sorority Girls from Hell - Part 3
Fast forward 5 years later... I was in between sugar relationships and started to meet pot SB's again. I corresponded with a new profile on sugardaddie.com, and according to her profile she's a 26 year old brunette and a single mom who had this type of relationship before. After we exchanged a few emails she pretty much spelled it out clearly for me:
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Yes, I've had an SD relationship before but that was 2 yrs ago. I've been involved in a traditional relationship since and am now single again. It is perfect timing for an SD relationship once again. My previous SD relationship lasted 11 mos and I have had only one. I am looking for only person to have this arrangement with and once I meet him and we agree on terms that for both of us, I will delete my profile.
I would like to meet you over lunch, chat, and get to know one another. Then if we are comfortable, make plans to meet again. I would suggest you get a hotel room and we can begin with lunch in the hotel restaurant, then move up to the room for privacy. If it is in the evening rather than afternoon, we'll begin with dinner before going up to the room. As far as the gift, I would say until we get more comfortable with a routine and know how often we'll see each other, I am most comfortable with a gift of at least 500 each encounter.
Then when we develop a routine, we can work on a monthly allowance if you prefer. On average, I'm looking for someone who can gift me with 1500 - 2500/month. 2500+ would be ideal, but 1500 would be beneficial enough for me to carry on this arrangement. When you meet me, you will be pleasantly surprised and I am hoping that we will hit it off and that this will work out wonderfully,for both of us.. I look forward to hearing back from you. :-) Please get back to me with your thoughts.
The end.
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Yes, I've had an SD relationship before but that was 2 yrs ago. I've been involved in a traditional relationship since and am now single again. It is perfect timing for an SD relationship once again. My previous SD relationship lasted 11 mos and I have had only one. I am looking for only person to have this arrangement with and once I meet him and we agree on terms that for both of us, I will delete my profile.
I would like to meet you over lunch, chat, and get to know one another. Then if we are comfortable, make plans to meet again. I would suggest you get a hotel room and we can begin with lunch in the hotel restaurant, then move up to the room for privacy. If it is in the evening rather than afternoon, we'll begin with dinner before going up to the room. As far as the gift, I would say until we get more comfortable with a routine and know how often we'll see each other, I am most comfortable with a gift of at least 500 each encounter.
Then when we develop a routine, we can work on a monthly allowance if you prefer. On average, I'm looking for someone who can gift me with 1500 - 2500/month. 2500+ would be ideal, but 1500 would be beneficial enough for me to carry on this arrangement. When you meet me, you will be pleasantly surprised and I am hoping that we will hit it off and that this will work out wonderfully,for both of us.. I look forward to hearing back from you. :-) Please get back to me with your thoughts.
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She sounds like she is very experienced and knows exactly what she wants. What she asked for seemed reasonable and pics in her profile were fairly attractive, so I agreed to meet her for lunch. When I saw her at the restaurant I had to do a double take... she's not the same person as in her profile pics, but she looked very very familiar... until I realized that... she's A who I met 5 years ago when she came as a package with her friend J!!!
She sounds like she is very experienced and knows exactly what she wants. What she asked for seemed reasonable and pics in her profile were fairly attractive, so I agreed to meet her for lunch. When I saw her at the restaurant I had to do a double take... she's not the same person as in her profile pics, but she looked very very familiar... until I realized that... she's A who I met 5 years ago when she came as a package with her friend J!!!
I was having a serious case of déjà vu and my mind quickly raced through what happened then but she didn't seem to recognize me. As I was having lunch with her I couldn't help but wonder what happened to her since then. She said she now works in sales and could use some help to supplement her income. When I met her then she was supposed to be 23, so now she's close to 30 and appeared not as young and hot as she used to be. And she got knocked up with a 3 year old kid to show for it!
I remember after the trip to LA they told me they would have preferred cash instead of shopping (doh, why didn't they tell me that BEFORE the trip?), and they expected $1k per person per day because that's what they've been offered by others. I told them no thanks and I also gave them a piece of advice, which was don't believe every offer that comes their way. Five years later I guess she has learned her lesson and now has more experience and more realistic expectations. The arrogance and entitlement attitude of her youth is now gone and replaced by the real world responsibilities of being a single mom. I wasn't sure whether I should laugh or cry at the situation.
Anyway, I struggled through lunch but she said she's pretty comfortable and ready to take the next step. I felt hesitant at first and wasn't sure if I was up for it (no pun intended). But considering that she probably needed the money, I decided to help her out and we went to a nearby hotel. She is still petite and slim, but she now has stretch marks and her body is not as tight as it used to be. I won't go into details about what happened behind closed doors, overall it wasn't bad but it wasn't great either. As soon as we're done she got dressed, thanked me for the "gift", and said she needs to go pick up her kid. I never heard from her again.
I remember after the trip to LA they told me they would have preferred cash instead of shopping (doh, why didn't they tell me that BEFORE the trip?), and they expected $1k per person per day because that's what they've been offered by others. I told them no thanks and I also gave them a piece of advice, which was don't believe every offer that comes their way. Five years later I guess she has learned her lesson and now has more experience and more realistic expectations. The arrogance and entitlement attitude of her youth is now gone and replaced by the real world responsibilities of being a single mom. I wasn't sure whether I should laugh or cry at the situation.
Anyway, I struggled through lunch but she said she's pretty comfortable and ready to take the next step. I felt hesitant at first and wasn't sure if I was up for it (no pun intended). But considering that she probably needed the money, I decided to help her out and we went to a nearby hotel. She is still petite and slim, but she now has stretch marks and her body is not as tight as it used to be. I won't go into details about what happened behind closed doors, overall it wasn't bad but it wasn't great either. As soon as we're done she got dressed, thanked me for the "gift", and said she needs to go pick up her kid. I never heard from her again.
The end.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Sorority Girls from Hell - Part 2
So what did I do with the two girls that passed out on my bathroom floor? I was very tired from all the drinking that night so I went to sleep and left them on the floor.
They woke up late next morning as if nothing has happened. The first thing out of their mouth was "when are we going shopping?" Being the nice guy I was, I took them to the Melrose area as they requested and bought a few things for them from the boutique shops. But by now I've had enough because it was very clear to me that they weren't interested in doing anything else other than spending my money. After a late lunch I politely asked them to pack up their stuff and take a cab to the airport to go our separate ways.
After I dropped a few grand and ended up with two girls passed out on the bathroom floor, what did I learn?
First, look for women who are more mature. It's been my experience and the experience of my SD friends over the years that younger SB's (ie early 20's) are usually not mature enough for an on-going arrangement. Sure, who wouldn't want younger prettier SB's as arm candy and they might be fun for a while. But in reality an arrangement with that age group usually doesn't last very long, if you even get that far.
Second, a package deal for threesome could be twice the fun but also twice the trouble. I've learned more lessons about threesomes since then and that will be a future blog topic.
Third, set clear expectations on both sides before the trip. In this story I didn't discuss what my expectations were and they didn't tell me theirs either, other than the general understanding that we'll have a good time together. I'm sure they had a great time at my expense!
Fourth, avoid people with a drinking problem!! I enjoy drinking as much as anyone else. But when they started to drink excessively just to get drunk and became out of control, then that's a real problem. Oh, and it's never an isolated incident. People with a drinking problem tend to repeat themselves. I'll have more stories about young women getting drunk and behaving badly in the future.
It was inconceivable to me at the time why two seemingly normal and classy college co-eds would become party animals and drink like a fish when someone else is footing the bill. But I've since found out that it wasn't so unusual after all. I exchanged a couple of emails with them after the trip and never heard from them again. So that's the end of the story, right? Well, not so fast. Let's fast forward to five years later and...
Coming up.... a serious case of déjà vu!
They woke up late next morning as if nothing has happened. The first thing out of their mouth was "when are we going shopping?" Being the nice guy I was, I took them to the Melrose area as they requested and bought a few things for them from the boutique shops. But by now I've had enough because it was very clear to me that they weren't interested in doing anything else other than spending my money. After a late lunch I politely asked them to pack up their stuff and take a cab to the airport to go our separate ways.
After I dropped a few grand and ended up with two girls passed out on the bathroom floor, what did I learn?
First, look for women who are more mature. It's been my experience and the experience of my SD friends over the years that younger SB's (ie early 20's) are usually not mature enough for an on-going arrangement. Sure, who wouldn't want younger prettier SB's as arm candy and they might be fun for a while. But in reality an arrangement with that age group usually doesn't last very long, if you even get that far.
Second, a package deal for threesome could be twice the fun but also twice the trouble. I've learned more lessons about threesomes since then and that will be a future blog topic.
Third, set clear expectations on both sides before the trip. In this story I didn't discuss what my expectations were and they didn't tell me theirs either, other than the general understanding that we'll have a good time together. I'm sure they had a great time at my expense!
Fourth, avoid people with a drinking problem!! I enjoy drinking as much as anyone else. But when they started to drink excessively just to get drunk and became out of control, then that's a real problem. Oh, and it's never an isolated incident. People with a drinking problem tend to repeat themselves. I'll have more stories about young women getting drunk and behaving badly in the future.
It was inconceivable to me at the time why two seemingly normal and classy college co-eds would become party animals and drink like a fish when someone else is footing the bill. But I've since found out that it wasn't so unusual after all. I exchanged a couple of emails with them after the trip and never heard from them again. So that's the end of the story, right? Well, not so fast. Let's fast forward to five years later and...
Coming up.... a serious case of déjà vu!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Sorority Girls from Hell - Part 1
Ok, enough philosophical stuff on the blog for now, I'll change gears and tell some stories. The following was one of the more interesting experiences I had during my early days as a SD. Please note the usual disclaimers apply.
I corresponded with two sorority girls on sugardaddie.com who were graduate students at a prestigious private college. They were best friends, roommates, and used the same profile to present themselves as a "package". After exchanging several emails I decided to meet them for lunch at a posh restaurant in an exclusive part of town. They were very attractive and we hit it off right away. I'll call them A & J. A is a slim and petite brunette who seemed to do most of the talking. J is taller, blond and has more curves than A, but not as talkative. A mentioned that she used to live in LA and jokingly said she'd love to take a trip there just to shop. That got my attention because I was going to LA for business later that week so I offered to fly them out and spend some time together. They agreed and I arranged the trip for them.
A few days later I picked them up from LAX early in the evening and went to the hotel next to Kodak Theater in Hollywood where American Idol and Academy Awards are held. I got a nice two room suite with a great view of the Hollywood sign and the hills. They took awhile to get ready for dinner and they looked absolutely fabulous. We went to dinner at Asia de Cuba in the Mondrian Hotel as A recommended. It's a great place to see and be seen and it was packed with beautiful people everywhere.
So far so good, right? I mean, what could be better than having two hot girls in your arms for dinner? Well, it was all downhill from there.
As soon as we got to the restaurant the drinking started. A few cocktails before dinner, a few bottles of wine with dinner, and of course they ordered the most expensive things on the menu. A few more after dinner drinks with dessert...then we're off to the Sky Bar next door...more drinks, more shots. The Sky Bar is outdoors with a pool and a great view of the city at night. I remember lying on the plush lounge seats by the pool looking up at the stars, thinking to myself, when will they stop drinking?
Eventually we stumbled back to the hotel room and they raided the mini bar for more drinks. It didn't take long for them to get sick and throw up in the bathroom. After a while they just passed out cold on the bathroom floor. So here I was, with two hot girls drunk and passed out in my bathroom, thinking what was I going to do with them??
To be continued...
I corresponded with two sorority girls on sugardaddie.com who were graduate students at a prestigious private college. They were best friends, roommates, and used the same profile to present themselves as a "package". After exchanging several emails I decided to meet them for lunch at a posh restaurant in an exclusive part of town. They were very attractive and we hit it off right away. I'll call them A & J. A is a slim and petite brunette who seemed to do most of the talking. J is taller, blond and has more curves than A, but not as talkative. A mentioned that she used to live in LA and jokingly said she'd love to take a trip there just to shop. That got my attention because I was going to LA for business later that week so I offered to fly them out and spend some time together. They agreed and I arranged the trip for them.
A few days later I picked them up from LAX early in the evening and went to the hotel next to Kodak Theater in Hollywood where American Idol and Academy Awards are held. I got a nice two room suite with a great view of the Hollywood sign and the hills. They took awhile to get ready for dinner and they looked absolutely fabulous. We went to dinner at Asia de Cuba in the Mondrian Hotel as A recommended. It's a great place to see and be seen and it was packed with beautiful people everywhere.
So far so good, right? I mean, what could be better than having two hot girls in your arms for dinner? Well, it was all downhill from there.
As soon as we got to the restaurant the drinking started. A few cocktails before dinner, a few bottles of wine with dinner, and of course they ordered the most expensive things on the menu. A few more after dinner drinks with dessert...then we're off to the Sky Bar next door...more drinks, more shots. The Sky Bar is outdoors with a pool and a great view of the city at night. I remember lying on the plush lounge seats by the pool looking up at the stars, thinking to myself, when will they stop drinking?
Eventually we stumbled back to the hotel room and they raided the mini bar for more drinks. It didn't take long for them to get sick and throw up in the bathroom. After a while they just passed out cold on the bathroom floor. So here I was, with two hot girls drunk and passed out in my bathroom, thinking what was I going to do with them??
To be continued...
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Married vs Single SD's
As a married SD I can certainly respect the preferences of SB’s. I’m always upfront about my marital status because I don’t intend to play games and pass off myself as single like some married men do. When given the opportunity I always explain why I’m looking for a sugar relationship and what I expect from it. I wouldn’t want anyone to compromise their beliefs or do something they’re not comfortable with for any reason.
There are several reasons why SB’s don’t want to be involved with a married SD. The most common ones I’ve heard include: it’s bad karma and it will come back to bite you one day, it’s against their upbringing and religious beliefs, not wanting to be a home wrecker or break up a marriage, and not to disrespect another woman. These are all good reasons. However, some women seem to pass judgment on married SD’s which I don’t think is necessary. Each person’s situation is different and everyone is doing it for his own reasons. I can’t speak for others, but in my case I’m not looking for my next wife or wanting to change the family life I have. So I think the respect for preferences should work both ways. This is especially true when I hear a SB say “I don’t want to be a home wrecker or break up a marriage.” And my response would be “what makes you think that will be the case?”
Having said that, why would a SB consider married SD’s at all? There are advantages and disadvantages depending what’s important to you and what you’re looking for. Generally speaking, married SD’s have their own busy life so they are usually not too demanding on a SB’s time. In addition, it should be discreet with clear boundaries that is typical of a “no strings, no drama” relationship. What a SB does on her own time should be her own business, and the same goes for the SD. And it’s not likely that a married SD will take his SB to public social functions or to meet his family and friends like a trophy girlfriend. The obvious downside to having a married SD is that the relationship would not develop into a traditional relationship with a happily ever after ending. And married SD’s may have limitations on their schedule due to work and family obligations so they are not available as often nor can be as spontaneous as the single ones.
Also, no strings and no drama doesn’t mean no feelings. When two people spend enough time together then naturally some feelings will develop. The key is how both sides manage those feelings to keep it under control as a no strings relationship. It takes maturity and experience to make it work.
It’s interesting to hear some SB’s talk about how they don’t want to get into a relationship with a SD who can become needy, clingy, possessive, controlling, insecure, and jealous which result in the kind of drama common in traditional relationships. And yet they don’t want to consider a married SD because of the reasons mentioned before. I think another way to look at it would be whether a relationship with single SD’s is more likely to have drama compared to married SD’s. Having a married SD doesn’t guarantee there will be no drama, but perhaps there are fewer reasons for drama to occur. Of course there are some mature, single SD’s who are very capable of having a no strings relationship as well.
Married SD’s are not for everyone and I’m just offering different ways to consider single vs married SD’s. Please note I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind and there are pros and cons just like any other aspects of a sugar relationship. Your own experience and individual cases may vary.
There are several reasons why SB’s don’t want to be involved with a married SD. The most common ones I’ve heard include: it’s bad karma and it will come back to bite you one day, it’s against their upbringing and religious beliefs, not wanting to be a home wrecker or break up a marriage, and not to disrespect another woman. These are all good reasons. However, some women seem to pass judgment on married SD’s which I don’t think is necessary. Each person’s situation is different and everyone is doing it for his own reasons. I can’t speak for others, but in my case I’m not looking for my next wife or wanting to change the family life I have. So I think the respect for preferences should work both ways. This is especially true when I hear a SB say “I don’t want to be a home wrecker or break up a marriage.” And my response would be “what makes you think that will be the case?”
Having said that, why would a SB consider married SD’s at all? There are advantages and disadvantages depending what’s important to you and what you’re looking for. Generally speaking, married SD’s have their own busy life so they are usually not too demanding on a SB’s time. In addition, it should be discreet with clear boundaries that is typical of a “no strings, no drama” relationship. What a SB does on her own time should be her own business, and the same goes for the SD. And it’s not likely that a married SD will take his SB to public social functions or to meet his family and friends like a trophy girlfriend. The obvious downside to having a married SD is that the relationship would not develop into a traditional relationship with a happily ever after ending. And married SD’s may have limitations on their schedule due to work and family obligations so they are not available as often nor can be as spontaneous as the single ones.
Also, no strings and no drama doesn’t mean no feelings. When two people spend enough time together then naturally some feelings will develop. The key is how both sides manage those feelings to keep it under control as a no strings relationship. It takes maturity and experience to make it work.
It’s interesting to hear some SB’s talk about how they don’t want to get into a relationship with a SD who can become needy, clingy, possessive, controlling, insecure, and jealous which result in the kind of drama common in traditional relationships. And yet they don’t want to consider a married SD because of the reasons mentioned before. I think another way to look at it would be whether a relationship with single SD’s is more likely to have drama compared to married SD’s. Having a married SD doesn’t guarantee there will be no drama, but perhaps there are fewer reasons for drama to occur. Of course there are some mature, single SD’s who are very capable of having a no strings relationship as well.
Married SD’s are not for everyone and I’m just offering different ways to consider single vs married SD’s. Please note I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind and there are pros and cons just like any other aspects of a sugar relationship. Your own experience and individual cases may vary.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Questions Newbie SB's Should Ask
One of the most common problems I found with newbie SB’s is that they are not clear about what kind of sugar they’re looking for and what they’re able to offer in return. As the saying goes, if you don’t know what you’re looking for then you probably won’t be able to find it. Or worse, they're prone to get into situations that they're not comfortable with and get taken advantage of. The SB blogs are full of stories like that.
Every newbie SB should be able to answer 3 simple questions about herself:
(1) Why have you chosen to pursue a sugar relationship instead of a traditional relationship? (saying I saw it on Tyra doesn’t count!)
(2) What would you like your SD to provide for you? (don’t say “show me the money!”)
and most importantly,
(3) What can you offer in return? (think about what sets you apart from other SB’s).
Once you have a clear understanding of how to answer these 3 questions and can articulate it to pot SD’s, then you’re well on your way to finding what you’re looking for.
First two questions every newbie SB should ask her pot SD:
Question #1 – Why do you want to be a SD?
How sugar dating differs from regular dating is the “sugar” aspect of the relationship. After all, people are looking for a SD or SB for a reason, otherwise they should be on regular dating sites. Find out what that reason is and see if you have similar views and expectations.
Question #2 – What’s been your experience with this type of relationship/arrangement?
If the answer to #2 is “none”, then ask “How do you envision this type of relationship to work?”
Newbie SB’s should determine whether it’s a good idea to get involved with a newbie SD. IMO at least one of the parties should be experienced in order to have a better chance for success. If the answer to #2 is “experienced”, then ask “What kind of arrangement did you have with your previous SB?” There is no need to go into details initially, but you should get a general idea of what was involved to see if it’s similar to your expectations.
When to bring up the topic of sugar?
A sugar relationship could be whatever two people can agree on as long as the sugar brings “value” to both parties. As to when to bring this up, I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking about sugar early in the process by either the SD or SB. Unlike regular dating, you shouldn’t leave things open ended and see what happens, otherwise the process could drag on without any tangible results. If there is no travel involved, maybe you can discuss sugar when you meet in person. But if there is travel involved, then you should have a clear understanding of what each other’s expectations are before making travel arrangements.
I understand some people may misrepresent themselves, so there is an issue of trust and respect as well. Do you think the pot you’re talking to can be trusted and has respect for you? That’s a judgment call each person will have to decide for themselves. I hope this helps all the newbies out there
Every newbie SB should be able to answer 3 simple questions about herself:
(1) Why have you chosen to pursue a sugar relationship instead of a traditional relationship? (saying I saw it on Tyra doesn’t count!)
(2) What would you like your SD to provide for you? (don’t say “show me the money!”)
and most importantly,
(3) What can you offer in return? (think about what sets you apart from other SB’s).
Once you have a clear understanding of how to answer these 3 questions and can articulate it to pot SD’s, then you’re well on your way to finding what you’re looking for.
First two questions every newbie SB should ask her pot SD:
Question #1 – Why do you want to be a SD?
How sugar dating differs from regular dating is the “sugar” aspect of the relationship. After all, people are looking for a SD or SB for a reason, otherwise they should be on regular dating sites. Find out what that reason is and see if you have similar views and expectations.
Question #2 – What’s been your experience with this type of relationship/arrangement?
If the answer to #2 is “none”, then ask “How do you envision this type of relationship to work?”
Newbie SB’s should determine whether it’s a good idea to get involved with a newbie SD. IMO at least one of the parties should be experienced in order to have a better chance for success. If the answer to #2 is “experienced”, then ask “What kind of arrangement did you have with your previous SB?” There is no need to go into details initially, but you should get a general idea of what was involved to see if it’s similar to your expectations.
When to bring up the topic of sugar?
A sugar relationship could be whatever two people can agree on as long as the sugar brings “value” to both parties. As to when to bring this up, I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking about sugar early in the process by either the SD or SB. Unlike regular dating, you shouldn’t leave things open ended and see what happens, otherwise the process could drag on without any tangible results. If there is no travel involved, maybe you can discuss sugar when you meet in person. But if there is travel involved, then you should have a clear understanding of what each other’s expectations are before making travel arrangements.
I understand some people may misrepresent themselves, so there is an issue of trust and respect as well. Do you think the pot you’re talking to can be trusted and has respect for you? That’s a judgment call each person will have to decide for themselves. I hope this helps all the newbies out there
Friday, July 9, 2010
Sugar Dating vs Regular Dating
Most SD’s I know are not looking to “pay” for a girlfriend. What they’re willing to pay for is a NSA arrangement without the courtship, drama, games, and uncertainty in regular dating. They also don’t want SB’s who look at it as just a business transaction and are in it only for the money. There has to be chemistry, compatibility, common interests, etc for the relationship/arrangement to work and for it to last.
In regular dating, attractive women have lots of choices and they are hit on by men all the time hoping to win their affection and get a piece of the action. This implies in regular dating the demand for attractive women far exceeds the supply of men who are interested in them. And women definitely have the upper hand in choosing who they want to date.
But does this phenomenon apply to online sugar dating? It’s all too common for newbie SB’s to have unrealistic expectations about how long the search might take and what they will find. One of the reasons for such behavior, understandably, came from the perception that sugar dating is similar to regular dating. They think the demand for attractive SBs far exceeds the supply of SD’s willing to provide for them, and therefore they behave in a way that is consistent with that perception. However, there are two key factors that make sugar dating different from regular dating.
First, the perception that there is a high demand for SB’s can be misleading. The problem is that the high demand could come from anyone who calls himself a SD and puts up a profile on one of the sites. It’s typical for a newbie SB to put up a profile with attractive pics and then be deluged with emails and offers from all over the place within the first few days. This creates an illusion of high demand which re-enforces their belief that it’s just like regular dating. But if the SB takes time to sort through the flakes, time wasters, pic collectors, etc., then sooner or later she will realize that genuine SD’s who are serious about having a sugar relationship are not that easy to find. And over time the interest slows down as the crowd chase after hundreds of new SB profiles created each day, especially after media exposure in one of the talk shows.
Second, in sugar dating the supply and demand is reversed. Genuine SD’s, especially those who are willing and able to provide steady financial support, are in short supply. These types of SD’s have plenty of potential SB’s to choose from and they can be very picky if they choose to be. This means that they don’t waste their valuable time to deal with SB’s who have an entitlement attitude. That kind of attitude may work in regular dating, but most likely it will not work in sugar dating. So if an attractive SB is looking for a regular date, she should have plenty of choices and can be very picky. But when it comes to finding a SD, she should think about how to differentiate herself from other SB’s and why a SD should choose her. It may be counter intuitive, but she will have a much better chance for success without the attitude. Of course common sense, common courtesy, and the usual safety measures still apply. Just because you’re looking for a SD it doesn’t mean you should let your guard down and be taken advantage of or submit yourself to a situation you’re not comfortable with.
In regular dating a woman can casually date many guys at her leisure, make her own schedule, and blow them off on a whim or change plans at the last minute if she wants. The guys won’t like it, but she's just dating them so what did they expect anyway. When an arrangement is in place for sugar dating, the SD may have expectations on when and how much time you spend with him. You have to work around his busy schedule (especially if he is married) and can’t just blow him off or change plans on a whim. Well, you can, but the arrangement won’t last long if you did. As a SB spreads herself too thin with too many SD's or for other reasons, her SD's may start to notice that she’s too busy for them and can’t be as available or as flexible with her time as before. It’s tough enough to make plans when one party has a busy schedule, it’s even tougher when both have busy schedules. Now throw travel into the mix and it’s exponentially more complex.
As usual there are exceptions and your own experience and individual cases may vary.
In regular dating, attractive women have lots of choices and they are hit on by men all the time hoping to win their affection and get a piece of the action. This implies in regular dating the demand for attractive women far exceeds the supply of men who are interested in them. And women definitely have the upper hand in choosing who they want to date.
But does this phenomenon apply to online sugar dating? It’s all too common for newbie SB’s to have unrealistic expectations about how long the search might take and what they will find. One of the reasons for such behavior, understandably, came from the perception that sugar dating is similar to regular dating. They think the demand for attractive SBs far exceeds the supply of SD’s willing to provide for them, and therefore they behave in a way that is consistent with that perception. However, there are two key factors that make sugar dating different from regular dating.
First, the perception that there is a high demand for SB’s can be misleading. The problem is that the high demand could come from anyone who calls himself a SD and puts up a profile on one of the sites. It’s typical for a newbie SB to put up a profile with attractive pics and then be deluged with emails and offers from all over the place within the first few days. This creates an illusion of high demand which re-enforces their belief that it’s just like regular dating. But if the SB takes time to sort through the flakes, time wasters, pic collectors, etc., then sooner or later she will realize that genuine SD’s who are serious about having a sugar relationship are not that easy to find. And over time the interest slows down as the crowd chase after hundreds of new SB profiles created each day, especially after media exposure in one of the talk shows.
Second, in sugar dating the supply and demand is reversed. Genuine SD’s, especially those who are willing and able to provide steady financial support, are in short supply. These types of SD’s have plenty of potential SB’s to choose from and they can be very picky if they choose to be. This means that they don’t waste their valuable time to deal with SB’s who have an entitlement attitude. That kind of attitude may work in regular dating, but most likely it will not work in sugar dating. So if an attractive SB is looking for a regular date, she should have plenty of choices and can be very picky. But when it comes to finding a SD, she should think about how to differentiate herself from other SB’s and why a SD should choose her. It may be counter intuitive, but she will have a much better chance for success without the attitude. Of course common sense, common courtesy, and the usual safety measures still apply. Just because you’re looking for a SD it doesn’t mean you should let your guard down and be taken advantage of or submit yourself to a situation you’re not comfortable with.
In regular dating a woman can casually date many guys at her leisure, make her own schedule, and blow them off on a whim or change plans at the last minute if she wants. The guys won’t like it, but she's just dating them so what did they expect anyway. When an arrangement is in place for sugar dating, the SD may have expectations on when and how much time you spend with him. You have to work around his busy schedule (especially if he is married) and can’t just blow him off or change plans on a whim. Well, you can, but the arrangement won’t last long if you did. As a SB spreads herself too thin with too many SD's or for other reasons, her SD's may start to notice that she’s too busy for them and can’t be as available or as flexible with her time as before. It’s tough enough to make plans when one party has a busy schedule, it’s even tougher when both have busy schedules. Now throw travel into the mix and it’s exponentially more complex.
As usual there are exceptions and your own experience and individual cases may vary.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
The 5 Stages of Sugar
The last question of the SB Q&A was:
Explain the process by which a Sugar relationship should escalate and advance.
This is what I call "The 5 Stages of Sugar". I've seen in various blogs where SB's described their experiences, both good and not so good. I think it will be useful to look at different stages in the sugar world and some common questions for each stage to put those experiences in perspective. I’ll try to be brief and just mention the challenges involved in each stage. But obviously there is a lot more to discuss which I’ll explain at the end.
1. The Contact
This is the first stage in sugar world when pot SB’s and SD’s correspond with each other before meeting in person. Keep in mind anyone can put up a profile and call himself a SD or herself a SB, but that doesn’t necessarily make it so. Most dialogs don’t get past this stage due to people being disrespectful and ignorant as we’ve seen from many blog stories. This is where the flakes, weirdos, time wasters should be identified and discarded.
Frequently asked questions:
- Should I contact pot SD’s or wait to be contacted?
- How do I weed out the flakes from the real ones?
2. The Meet
The purpose of the first meeting is to find out whether there is chemistry, compatibility, and common expectations on both sides. Sometimes it may take more than one meeting to find out. If the meeting is local then it should be easy to meet for drinks, lunch or dinner without any pressure or expectations on either side. But if travel is involved then it’s best to make sure expectations for the meeting are clearly communicated and understood by both. It’s not uncommon to think everything will work out fine before you meet and then to find out that’s not the case. Or the person may have misrepresented themselves in some way. Unfortunately this is where you can end up with clingers and stalkers described in many blog stories.
Frequently asked questions:
- Should I travel to meet a pot SD?
- How much personal info should I give out or ask for before the meet?
3. The Discussion
After you have a good meet and decided there is mutual interest to pursue further, then it’s time for an open and honest discussion about the arrangement. Keep in mind the discussion could happen before the meet or during the meet as well. It’s important to clearly communicate expectations on both sides. Such as, amount of allowance, gifts/travel, frequency and duration of meetings, how you will spend your time together, etc. SD’s should realize that each SB’s situation is different and what works for one SB may not work for another. Therefore, it’s important for a SD to spoil/support his SB in a way that makes a difference to her.
Frequently asked questions:
- How do I ask for what I really want?
- How do I get an allowance from a gift/travel SD?
4. The Arrangement
After you have mutually agreed on an arrangement, I will now pronounce you SD and SB!! :) Some people thought they have found their SD/SB before getting to this stage, but that can be premature. For an arrangement to work, both parties should act in good faith to build trust. This may take some time to establish as both parties adjust to their roles and start doing what they said they will do. Some arrangements may fall apart quickly as the reality of an arrangement sets in.
Frequently asked questions:
- Should I have sex before getting the sugar?
- What should I do if my SD is not providing what he promised?
5. The Bliss?
When an arrangement is in place for some time and it’s working well, it’s possible that unforeseen circumstances may cause either party to make temporary adjustments or to evaluate whether the arrangement should be modified. In some cases both parties may mutually agree to end the arrangement if there are irreconcilable differences. All good things must come to an end and in a NSA relationship that is to be expected. In the meantime, just relax and enjoy the sugar!!
Frequently asked questions:
- What if my SD wants more than NSA?
- What if my SD can no longer provide what he agreed to?
Now that I have described the 5 Stages of Sugar, I’m sure more questions will come to mind. Such as, how do I progress from one stage to the next? And, how long should each stage take? This post is already too long so I’ll stop here.
Explain the process by which a Sugar relationship should escalate and advance.
This is what I call "The 5 Stages of Sugar". I've seen in various blogs where SB's described their experiences, both good and not so good. I think it will be useful to look at different stages in the sugar world and some common questions for each stage to put those experiences in perspective. I’ll try to be brief and just mention the challenges involved in each stage. But obviously there is a lot more to discuss which I’ll explain at the end.
1. The Contact
This is the first stage in sugar world when pot SB’s and SD’s correspond with each other before meeting in person. Keep in mind anyone can put up a profile and call himself a SD or herself a SB, but that doesn’t necessarily make it so. Most dialogs don’t get past this stage due to people being disrespectful and ignorant as we’ve seen from many blog stories. This is where the flakes, weirdos, time wasters should be identified and discarded.
Frequently asked questions:
- Should I contact pot SD’s or wait to be contacted?
- How do I weed out the flakes from the real ones?
2. The Meet
The purpose of the first meeting is to find out whether there is chemistry, compatibility, and common expectations on both sides. Sometimes it may take more than one meeting to find out. If the meeting is local then it should be easy to meet for drinks, lunch or dinner without any pressure or expectations on either side. But if travel is involved then it’s best to make sure expectations for the meeting are clearly communicated and understood by both. It’s not uncommon to think everything will work out fine before you meet and then to find out that’s not the case. Or the person may have misrepresented themselves in some way. Unfortunately this is where you can end up with clingers and stalkers described in many blog stories.
Frequently asked questions:
- Should I travel to meet a pot SD?
- How much personal info should I give out or ask for before the meet?
3. The Discussion
After you have a good meet and decided there is mutual interest to pursue further, then it’s time for an open and honest discussion about the arrangement. Keep in mind the discussion could happen before the meet or during the meet as well. It’s important to clearly communicate expectations on both sides. Such as, amount of allowance, gifts/travel, frequency and duration of meetings, how you will spend your time together, etc. SD’s should realize that each SB’s situation is different and what works for one SB may not work for another. Therefore, it’s important for a SD to spoil/support his SB in a way that makes a difference to her.
Frequently asked questions:
- How do I ask for what I really want?
- How do I get an allowance from a gift/travel SD?
4. The Arrangement
After you have mutually agreed on an arrangement, I will now pronounce you SD and SB!! :) Some people thought they have found their SD/SB before getting to this stage, but that can be premature. For an arrangement to work, both parties should act in good faith to build trust. This may take some time to establish as both parties adjust to their roles and start doing what they said they will do. Some arrangements may fall apart quickly as the reality of an arrangement sets in.
Frequently asked questions:
- Should I have sex before getting the sugar?
- What should I do if my SD is not providing what he promised?
5. The Bliss?
When an arrangement is in place for some time and it’s working well, it’s possible that unforeseen circumstances may cause either party to make temporary adjustments or to evaluate whether the arrangement should be modified. In some cases both parties may mutually agree to end the arrangement if there are irreconcilable differences. All good things must come to an end and in a NSA relationship that is to be expected. In the meantime, just relax and enjoy the sugar!!
Frequently asked questions:
- What if my SD wants more than NSA?
- What if my SD can no longer provide what he agreed to?
Now that I have described the 5 Stages of Sugar, I’m sure more questions will come to mind. Such as, how do I progress from one stage to the next? And, how long should each stage take? This post is already too long so I’ll stop here.
SB Q&A #3
In a normal ongoing Sugar relationship with an Allowance Daddy what do you consider reasonable and fair allowance?
A reasonable and fair allowance is whatever two people can agreed on. Let's say a SB may think that 3k/month is reasonable, but the pot SD may have other ideas depending on what he is looking for. Consider how much time and effort you will be able to put in the arrangement given the allowance you expect (ie how often can you meet, and how much time can you spend for each meeting) and see how does that relate to what his expectations are. You may be willing to meet twice a week, but the SD may not have that much time and can only meet twice a month. Therefore in his mind he may not have the same expectation about the allowance as you do. When it's a long distance situation with travel involved it can be more complicated as the meetings are usually less frequent and the duration of each meeting can be longer.
As I have mentioned before, SD's who are willing to provide consistent financial support are in greater demand and therefore have more choices. If he is willing to provide 3k a month (or whatever amount), he will have his own selection criteria to determine who is the best match. Find out what the criteria is and see how you match up.
Also consider the "Allowance in Real Dollar Terms" concept. Think about what kind of job in the real world will pay the equivalent of the allowance you seek, and how much effort you need to put into a job like that. Then see how it compares to the effort you're willing to put in the arrangement to get the proper perspective.
A reasonable and fair allowance is whatever two people can agreed on. Let's say a SB may think that 3k/month is reasonable, but the pot SD may have other ideas depending on what he is looking for. Consider how much time and effort you will be able to put in the arrangement given the allowance you expect (ie how often can you meet, and how much time can you spend for each meeting) and see how does that relate to what his expectations are. You may be willing to meet twice a week, but the SD may not have that much time and can only meet twice a month. Therefore in his mind he may not have the same expectation about the allowance as you do. When it's a long distance situation with travel involved it can be more complicated as the meetings are usually less frequent and the duration of each meeting can be longer.
As I have mentioned before, SD's who are willing to provide consistent financial support are in greater demand and therefore have more choices. If he is willing to provide 3k a month (or whatever amount), he will have his own selection criteria to determine who is the best match. Find out what the criteria is and see how you match up.
Also consider the "Allowance in Real Dollar Terms" concept. Think about what kind of job in the real world will pay the equivalent of the allowance you seek, and how much effort you need to put into a job like that. Then see how it compares to the effort you're willing to put in the arrangement to get the proper perspective.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
SB Q&A #2
Which do you think most SD's are? Gift, Allowance, Travel, or Dual. (Dual means one or more of the different types of SD)
I think SD's who are able and willing to provide consistent financial support are in short supply, which means they're also in greater demand. Some SD's may be willing to provide a small amount or an occasional allowance, but to be able to provide a consistent allowance is not easy to find. As a result, the dynamics of sugardaddy dating is very different from regular dating and it will be one of my blog topics as well. A lot of men on sd sites think that being a sugardaddy means being a generous boyfriend and all they need to do is to wine and dine the SB and provide the finer things in life without an allowance. But if NSA and allowance are important to you in a sugar relationship, then those guys will turn out to be wasting your time. Generally speaking, your best bet to finding an allowance SD is to find one who is experienced in providing allowance in the past.
I think SD's who are able and willing to provide consistent financial support are in short supply, which means they're also in greater demand. Some SD's may be willing to provide a small amount or an occasional allowance, but to be able to provide a consistent allowance is not easy to find. As a result, the dynamics of sugardaddy dating is very different from regular dating and it will be one of my blog topics as well. A lot of men on sd sites think that being a sugardaddy means being a generous boyfriend and all they need to do is to wine and dine the SB and provide the finer things in life without an allowance. But if NSA and allowance are important to you in a sugar relationship, then those guys will turn out to be wasting your time. Generally speaking, your best bet to finding an allowance SD is to find one who is experienced in providing allowance in the past.
By your definition, what is a normal ongoing Sugar relationship?
It's a relationship where an arrangement is clearly communicated, understood, and agreed to by both parties. And both parties act in good faith to do what they said they'll do according to the arrangement to establish trust. The relationship is ongoing until something has fundamentally changed with one of the parties. Then they need to mutually agree on whether to modify the arrangement or move on.
It's a relationship where an arrangement is clearly communicated, understood, and agreed to by both parties. And both parties act in good faith to do what they said they'll do according to the arrangement to establish trust. The relationship is ongoing until something has fundamentally changed with one of the parties. Then they need to mutually agree on whether to modify the arrangement or move on.
SB Q&A #1
Recently I answered several questions from a SB. She asked some really good questions so I thought I'll post them here. It's also a good lead in to some of the topics I'll be posting in the blog.
Which do you think make a BETTER SD and why? A millionaire SD or a "thousandaire" SD.
Based on the expected allowance, of course the pot SD should be at a certain income level to even be able to afford it. So let's do some math and figure out what that is. For example, at 3k a month or 36k a year, it's equivalent to about 50k/year before tax. If a SD can spend 20% of his gross income on his SB then that means he should make at least $250k a year. I call this "Allowance in Real Dollar Terms" and it will be one of my blog topics.
In addition, if a SB expects more on top of the allowance, such as gifts, trips, spa, fine dining, etc then that need to be factored into the equation as well. As a rule of thumb for the SD, the allowance is only the starting point and he could spend up to an amount equal to the allowance in addition on other things in a sugar relationship. Most SB's tend to underestimate the total amount of money her SD spends on her.
Keep in mind a SD's wealth, income, and lifestyle does not directly relate to how generous he is for an allowance. He has to be able and willing to provide an allowance. Some wealthy men are willing to spend lots of money on fun things and gifts, but when it comes to providing direct financial support they think there is a stigma associated with it as if they're too good to be "paying" for a SB or GF. I'll talk about some of the ways to change their minds in my blog.
Also, whether the SD is married and what kind of work he does are factors to consider as well. A married SD, regardless of how wealthy he is, may have limitations on what he can do financially to keep it under the radar from the spouse. A SD who owns his own business or works in the financial industry will generally have more financial flexibility.
Which do you think make a BETTER SD and why? A millionaire SD or a "thousandaire" SD.
Based on the expected allowance, of course the pot SD should be at a certain income level to even be able to afford it. So let's do some math and figure out what that is. For example, at 3k a month or 36k a year, it's equivalent to about 50k/year before tax. If a SD can spend 20% of his gross income on his SB then that means he should make at least $250k a year. I call this "Allowance in Real Dollar Terms" and it will be one of my blog topics.
In addition, if a SB expects more on top of the allowance, such as gifts, trips, spa, fine dining, etc then that need to be factored into the equation as well. As a rule of thumb for the SD, the allowance is only the starting point and he could spend up to an amount equal to the allowance in addition on other things in a sugar relationship. Most SB's tend to underestimate the total amount of money her SD spends on her.
Keep in mind a SD's wealth, income, and lifestyle does not directly relate to how generous he is for an allowance. He has to be able and willing to provide an allowance. Some wealthy men are willing to spend lots of money on fun things and gifts, but when it comes to providing direct financial support they think there is a stigma associated with it as if they're too good to be "paying" for a SB or GF. I'll talk about some of the ways to change their minds in my blog.
Also, whether the SD is married and what kind of work he does are factors to consider as well. A married SD, regardless of how wealthy he is, may have limitations on what he can do financially to keep it under the radar from the spouse. A SD who owns his own business or works in the financial industry will generally have more financial flexibility.
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